| Track Four (The Happy Song) February 27, 2002 (The 44th Annual Grammy Awards) Justin had been pacing the hotel floor for nearly twenty minutes. With the spinning of her head, caused by the alcohol consumed that night, she didn’t know how much of the pacing she could take. Lifting her head from between her knees, she looked at her other two best friends, pretending to shoot herself in the head with her finger. Her cousin dared to smile, while Jeremy rolled his eyes, sarcastically. She wanted the spinning of the room to stop. She wanted to go back in time and refuse that last drink, offered by her cousin. But most importantly she wanted Justin to stop pacing the god damn floor. “Justin!!” she yelled out, causing the other two occupants to jolt in surprise. “Sit the fuck down!!” “What?” Justin yelled back, as if suddenly aware that he wasn’t alone in the room. “Sit down, man. You’re making us dizzier.” Trace said from the bed, where he sat in a similar position as his cousin. “Newsflash, asshole!! No one asked you to come in here!!” Justin said only receive a finger from Trace. “The only asshole I see right now is you.” Jeremy said from the chair at the far end of the hotel room. “Fuck you!! I didn’t ask you to come in here, either.” Justin snapped. “Justin!!” Amanda yelled. “Chill the fuck out. You called me to come in here, so that means we all come.” “Can you do anything without him, Amanda?” Justin asked bitterly. “What?” she asked in frustration. “What the fuck does that mean?” Jeremy spit out, standing from his seat and walking toward Justin. “Guys!!” Amanda yelled. “What the fuck do you think I mean?” Justin said stepping closer to him. “Fuck!!” Trace said emerging from the bed and standing between the two. “Justin, dude, what are you doing? What’s going on?” “Nothing.” Justin said turning and walking to his original spot, his back toward his three friends. “Nothing?” Amanda asked. “You have been pacing this floor for half an hour. You’re about to get into a brawl with one of your best friends, and there’s nothing wrong? You’re out of your mind.” “What’s going on, J?” Trace asked worried. “We can’t do anything to help if you don’t tell us what’s going on.” Amanda added. “Tell us.” Trace grunted. “Come on, Justin.” Amanda said after a few minutes of silence. “Where’s Britney? Why didn’t she come out with us tonight?” “We can’t read your mind. You have to tell us.” Jeremy said, back in his comfortable seat. “We are pretty sure it has something to do with Britney cause she sat on the other side of the venue during the entire show. She didn’t come out to the after-parties with us and you haven’t bothered talking to us much all night. So you have to tell us the rest.” “Who said I have to tell you anything? It’s none of your business.” Justin spit back. “Cut the bullshit. You and I know it probably has to do with one of us.” Jeremy said glancing discreetly at his girlfriend, then back at Justin. “You two need to get over whatever the hell has been up your asses for all these years and grow the fuck up.” Amanda said getting up and heading to the bathroom. “I’m going to my room to throw up, now.” “That’s disgusting, Manda.” Trace cringed. “This whole display of supposable friendships is disgusting.” She said slamming the door behind her, leaving the men alone in the hotel room. “You need to shut your fucking mouth.” Justin threatened Jeremy, finger pointed at him. “You need to face the facts, Timberlake.” Jeremy shrugged. “I’m going to go check on my girlfriend.” he said disappearing behind the hotel door. “What the hell is Pretty-fuck talking about?” Trace asked. “I’m so sick of this shit, man.” Justin said throwing himself on the bed next to him. “What happened with Britney?” “We’re done.” “Serious?” “As a heart attack.” “Damn man. I’m sorry.” “I know.” “What happened?” “Everything.” Justin said as he turned his head toward the door, a look of longing on his face. “She thinks I’m in love with someone else.” “Why would she think that?” “Because it’s the truth.” Justin said staring at the door. “Justin? Tell me it’s not who I think it is. Tell me it’s not her.” a look of confusion and hurt across Trace’s features. “I’m afraid I can’t tell you that, T.” Justin said in anguish. “Shit, how long have you been feeling like this?” “How long have we known each other?” “Since forever.” “That sounds about right.” Justin said turning his eyes toward his best friend, a tear slipping from his eye. “I’m sorry for not telling you sooner.” “Jesus!! You’re in trouble.” “I know.” -------------------- Next Day L.A.X. Airport She needed an aspirin and need it as soon as possible. Opening her eyes all the way was out of the question. The dark shades that covered her eyes didn’t seem to be helping either. She had a headache from hell and walking through a crowded airport wasn’t helping the situation. People were everywhere, bumping into her no matter how much she tried to avoid them. If it weren’t for the fact that she’d promised her boyfriend that she’d come to the airport with him, she would be sleeping off the hangover at that moment. She considered herself a good girlfriend and moments like those she wondered if being a bad one would be a better option. The fact that she wouldn’t see him for two entire weeks, saddened her but her head was pounding too deafeningly to give it much thought at that point. She’d get back to missing him later on that day. “Are you sure you don’t want to come with me?” he asked, his arm around her shoulder as they walked toward his boarding terminal. “I promised Trace and Justin I would stay with them.” she yawned. “And besides, going with you would be having to be in a hotel room alone all day. Football conferences aren’t my cup of tea.” “I know, you’re right. I’m just going to miss ya, babe.” he said kissing the side of her head. “I’m going to miss you too.” Amanda said sincerely after kissing his lips. “What I’m not going to miss is this fucking headache, once I get back to the hotel and get some aspirin.” “Stop cursing, babe.” Jeremy chuckled. “How are you even alive this morning?” “I didn’t party as much as you did, Amanda.” Jeremy teased. “If I did, who would look out for you?” “You know you don’t have to worry about me, it’s not like I don’t have two other sets of eyes on me at all times.” “That’s what I’m afraid of.” he mumbled. “What?” “I said Justin and Trace were as drunk as you were.” Jeremy stated. “Justin had a rough night.” “I hope he’s in a better mood today because this headache I have isn’t going to put up with much of his shit.” “He’ll get over whatever it is with Britney. You and I are always good and Trace has his hoes. Everyone is happy.” “Tricks.” “Huh?” “Tricks, not hoes.” Amanda said with a laugh. “Oh, god it hurts to laugh. “My poor baby.” Jeremy said kissing her face repeatedly. “You better get on that flight before the coach start blowing up your phone again. You’re lucky he let you take these couple of days off for the Grammy’s.” Amanda said after several lingering kisses. “I’ll call you when I get a chance, okay?” “Please do so. I’ll see ya back home in two weeks, okay?” “Be careful. Don’t go falling in love with anyone else while I’m gone.” he said after kissing her lips tenderly. “Impossible. I only love you.” Amanda smiled. “I know.” Jeremy said with a sexy smiled toward her as he walked away. Amanda watched her boyfriend as he disappeared behind the corridor doors before turning to walk out through the crowd again. Her headache still live and kicking. As she made her way outside toward the black Yukon Denali she’d come in, she could see a group of men surrounding the vehicle. She really wasn’t in the mood to deal with photographers and the thought made her head throb painfully. Her first thought was that Trace had shown his face and the paparazzi automatically though Justin Timberlake was in the car. As she got closer to the vehicle she realized that instead of the Yukon, a black Suburban had taken it’s place. Looking up the side she could see that her ride had moved up the line of cars, to accommodate other vehicles. Amanda started heading toward her ride when she heard the photographers start their chant of questions, a custom when a celebrity was spotted. Turning, she saw a very haggard looking Britney getting out of the truck, followed by her entourage. Deciding to step back inside the airport to avoid the cameras, Amanda waited just inside the censorized doors. A few minutes later she was able to signal Rob, who was accustomed to seeing her around and was allowed access to catch up to Britney. “Where you two ladies going?” she asked with a smile when she caught up with a fast paced, Britney and Felicia. “Hey!!” Britney said shocked to find Amanda next to her as they walked. “What are you doing here?” “Hey, Amanda.” Felicia said before continuing her conversation on her cell phone. “Jeremy just left for Atlanta. What I should ask, is what you are doing here.” Amanda asked confused. “Where’s Justin?” “I thought he was with you.” Britney said. “I haven’t seen him since last night. He was pretty upset the last time I saw him.” “Oh.” “What happened?” Amanda asked. “You didn’t even sit with us at the show. Is everything okay?” “He hasn’t talked to you yet?” Britney asked. “No, we tried talking to him but you know how he can get.” “We?” “Yeah, Jeremy, Trace and I.” Amanda said as they came to a stop at a private terminal. “God, he’s so stupid.” Britney huffed. “What? Now you’re acting like him.” Amanda chuckled. “I have to go, Amanda. I’ll see you around, okay?” Britney said in a sad tone before hugging her. “Why am I getting a bad feeling? Is this goodbye?” Amanda questioned, confusion evident in her face. “Maybe. Who knows.” Britney shrugged. “Take care of him for me, homegirl.” “You know I don’t like that term.” Amanda said with a smile. “You never complain when he says it.” Britney said before walking away, without another word. Amanda couldn’t comprehend what was happening. When they’d arrived at the Grammy’s everything had seemed okay. Adjusting her shades on her face, she made her way out to her ride, avoiding the herd of photographers. “Trace, wake up!!” Amanda said with a smack to her cousin’s chest, as he napped inside the vehicle. “Don’t touch me again, Manda.” He mumbled, eyes still closed. “Wake up!!” she said with a shove to his shoulders. “Are we at the hotel?” Trace asked shoving her back lightly. “No, moron.” “Then leave me alone.” “Did you talk to Justin?” “Why are you still talking?” “I just walked though an airport with the same hangover, Juan. So don’t give me any shit.” Amanda said rubbing circles on her temples. “Did you find out what happened last night?” “It’s your own stupid fault for walking through the airport. Jeremy could of walked himself. He’s a big boy.” “Can you not start on Jeremy, right now?” Amanda said glaring at her cousin from behind her shades. “I just ran into Britney.” “You did?” Trace asked suddenly wide awake. “Did she talk to you?” “Yeah, why wouldn’t she? She was acting weird and she sounded like it would be the last time we see each other.” “Really. Did she say anything else?” he asked curiously. “She didn’t say much. She was just acting weird.” “How weird?” “I don’t know, dirtball. Weird. Not exactly singing the happy song, weird.” Amanda shrugged. “Do you think they broke up for real this time?” “Who?” “Are we having the same conversation?” “What?” “I swear it’s not possible that we have the same blood running through our veins. No way.” Amanda said closing her eyes and resting her head on the headrest. “What else did she say?” Trace question again. “She didn’t say anything!!” Amanda snapped. “Go back to sleep, Trace.” --------------- Arriving at the hotel, Amanda rolled her eyes at the amount of paparazzi outside. She couldn’t understand what their fascination was. With the intentions of not being photographed she asked Lonnie to drop her off a hundred feet from where the herd of paparazzi were standing. Amanda gave her cousin a finger as he protested about her way of avoiding the paparazzi and got out of the car. Quickly shoving the Access Pass into the coat she walked toward the hotel. No one turned her way, no one cared. Smiling at her accomplishment as she neared the door, she retrieved her pass and showed it to the security guy. He smiled at her and opened the door behind him, having seen her exit with Trace and Jeremy just a few hours before. “Thank you.” She said with a smile as she moved toward the inside of the hotel lobby. “She was just with Britney at the airport!!” “Hey! Hey! What’s your name?” She heard someone from outside. Amanda was immediately annoyed that she’d been noticed. It had happened before at concerts but Trace had always been there with her, explaining that she was his cousin. As far as she knew, no one had taken pictures of her. The airport incident though, she knew she hadn’t avoided much of the paparazzi at all. Her picture was bound to appear somewhere and with the headache she still had, she didn’t much care. “Where have you been?” someone said stepping in front of her as she headed toward the elevator. Looking up she saw the winter hat on his head, a big pull over sweater and baggy sweats pants to match. Through her shades, she would of said that the sweats were black but she’d seen him wear that attire before and knew that they were navy blue instead. “At the airport.” she said. “What are you doing down here?” “I was lookin’ fo’ ya’ll.” “Why do you have to be so country in the morning?” Amanda asked as they stepped into the elevator. “You know that was a stupid move, going down there right?” “I don’t care.” Justin shrugged. “There’s about a dozen other celebrities in this hotel, including Grammy winners. They could care less if Justin Timberlake of Nsync was in the lobby.” “It’s good that you’re humble Justin. Stupid, but humble.” Amanda said as they stepped off the elevator on the eighteenth floor. “They just took about a thousand pictures while you asked me where I was. That was within seconds.” “I didn’t notice.” “Whatever. Speaking of where I was. I saw Britney at the airport. Any idea where your girlfriend is going?” “She’s not… I don’t know.” “What happened?” Amanda asked as she put her hotel key in it’s slot. She entered the room taking her coat off and throwing her shades on the dresser as she walked. Kicking her shoes off and laying under the already made bed covers. Justin followed her into the room opting to sit on the edge of the bed, his back toward her. “I don’t know.” “You don’t know? Honestly Justin, you have to do better than that today. My head hurts and I can’t analyze your words. You’re going to have to be clearer. What things did you guys argue about? I’m assuming their was an argument.” she mumbled from under the covers. “It was just one particular thing, really.” Justin shrugged. “I can’t blame her though. I know she’s right. I’ve spent all these years not only lying to her but to myself.” “What are you talking about?” Amanda asked sitting up. “I have to tell you something, Jojo.” Justin said, “Before it kills me.” “What is it, Justin?” Amanda asked worried, crawling over to the edge of the bed where he sat. Taking the covers off of her she sat next to him, a worrisome expression on her face. “I don’t know how to tell you this, Jojo. I don’t even think I can say it out loud, actually.” Justin said standing up and starting his ritual of pacing. “Justin, please don’t start the pacing again. You’re scaring me here.” “Where’s Trace?” Justin asked suddenly. “He was going in the back entrance of the hotel with Lonnie. Why?” “Just asking.” Justin shrugged as he paced. “You’re avoiding is what you’re doing.” Amanda said, sitting Indian style on the edge of the bed. “Tell me what’s going on? Why are you not telling us.” “I’ve been avoiding it for a very long time now.” “Justin, please. Tell me before I kill you. What’s going on?” “Britney and I broke up.” “I gathered that part. Why though?” “She….” Justin started to say before stopping in the middle of his pacing to look at her. She looked so worried about him. Her full attention was focused on him. He couldn’t make a choice. He couldn’t tell her the truth and ruin everything because he was sure that was what was going to happen. “She what?” “Jesus, I can’t do this.” He said putting his hands on his head as he started his pacing again. “Try. Since when do you have a hard time talking to me? I’m getting a bit offended here.” “Where did Jeremy go again?” “Justin?” Amanda said with a raised brow. “If you don’t tell me what’s wrong I’m going to beat it out of you. Or I can just call Britney. How about I do that instead?” “No!!” “Then tell me.” Amanda spat out. “You’re worrying me here, homeboy.” “I’m going to say this once and I’m not repeating it, okay?” Justin said and waited for Amanda to nod in agreement. When she did, he stopped pacing, walked over to her, sat down next to her and looked into her eyes. His eyes watered, tears threatening to spill, not because of what he would say to his best friend. But because of what he just couldn’t say without losing it all. “Britney cheated on me.” he lied. “What?!!” Amanda asked shocked, getting up from the bed and starting a slow version of Justin’s pacing. “Shocking, huh?” “I’m more like baffled. How could she do something like that? Are you sure?” “Yes.” Justin said, the guilt making the tears spill over his eyelids. “Oh god, Justin. I’m so sorry.” she said throwing herself at him. Hugging him tightly, like only a friend could. “It’s okay, Amanda.” “No, it’s not okay. She hurt you.” Amanda said, sadness overtaking her senses. She was honestly hurting for her friend. She knew that Britney had been the love of his life, and he probably wasn’t going to get over that. “Not as much as I’ve hurt her.” Justin mumbled into her hair. “Don’t cry, Amanda. It’s okay. Really.” “I know you, Justin. I know you love her very much. I know that right now you’re not saying much about it but I need you to understand that I am here for you whenever you want to let it out. Okay?” “I know, Jojo. I know.” Justin said as he returned her second hug. “I’m so sorry.” “I know, Amanda. So am I.” “I can’t believe she would do this.” She whispered, the sadness taking it’s toll, a tear slipping her right eye.. “Nothing makes me more happy than to know, that I have such a close friend, to know that you’re down for me is reassuring, it’s the reason I’m always smiling.” he sang softly after a few minutes of silence, as she held onto him in comfort. “And when I’m kicking it with you, I have a lot of fun with you, never any kind pressure, coming from you, trying to get me to do, anything I’m not ready to, that’s why I really like you.” she sang back, recognizing the song. They both hummed the song as they held each other. “Da da da da da da, you make me happy.” she sang with a soft giggle. “And if it’s supposed to be, then we’re gonna be, no one can stop what’s destined.” Justin sang fading into the chorus, not finishing the lyrics of the song. “It’s gonna be okay, homeboy.” ------------- The Happy Song (Remix #1) Before I start this remix I just want you to know that I’m not an alcoholic. As I read and remembered those events, I couldn’t help but feel like maybe I gave you the wrong impression. To clarify, let me just say that I only drink on occasion. Aren’t the Grammy’s an occasion? I think so. Don’t be judging me!! Looking back at Justin’s display of self pity, that night, disappoints me. But let me just go with the flow here. One thing at a time. The bitter words shared between Justin and my lovely boyfriend, Jeremy hadn’t made much sense to me that night, but listening to them now, I should have caught on. (but I was drunk. Yes, I said it. Drunk.) Back then I basically thought they were immature and stupid. Still do actually. (Although I can’t stand one of them now) My theory back then, on why those two found themselves in stupid arguments? JEALOUSY. On huge gigantic word isn’t it? Before you agree with me, let me explain. Jeremy Owens has gotten everything he’s ever wanted, except for one thing. He was the captain of his high school team, he had dated the captain of the cheerleading squad (That’s me, by the way.), he’d gotten a scholarship to USC and he’d become the star quarterback of the college’s football team. He was a normal person. He didn’t get chased down by paparazzi. He was able to take me anywhere he wanted at the spur of the moment. He was normal. Justin on the other hand wasn’t normal. While Justin had sold millions of records worldwide, was dating America’s pop princess and could wipe his ass with hundred dollar bills (Seriously, he could, if he wanted to.), he wasn’t normal. He couldn’t take us somewhere without having it ‘arranged’. He was constantly in the public eye. Do you see what I mean? Jeremy had a normal life, something Justin was secretly longing for. Justin was a star, a celebrity, something Jeremy hoped to accomplish in his football career. Do you see, now? Was my theory a loud of shit, or was it a good logic? How could I have been so right, yet so wrong in my theory? For a smart girl, I wasn’t then, huh? Jealousy was the cause, or should I say I was the cause? I’ve convinced my cousin to say a few words to you about his take on this whole thing. Reason? Well, the more Lynn let’s you know, the guiltier I feel for dragging Trace into the tangled web we weaved. I can’t fathom the constant stress we must have caused him. In my defense, Justin started it!! (This is me, stomping my foot like a child.) The memory of that day, when I saw Britney at the airport, (I later found out she was on her way to New Orleans, to promote Crossroads.) still makes me feel horrible. The fact that she knew something that I didn’t, something that had hurt her, hurts me as well. She was (is) a friend of mine and I’ve known her as long as Justin has, it really sucks how someone else’s feelings, and your own, can take friendships to a breaking point. I’ve since said that I was sorry but she insists that I shouldn’t apologize for something I didn’t have control over. (It still doesn’t make me feel any better, though.) When Trace asked me if Britney had ‘said’ anything, I should have known something was up, but honestly, I had no idea. (Denial is a bitch, isn’t it?) Those pictures of me with Britney and Felicia at the airport, did eventually make it on a tabloid. The caption under the picture read something along the lines of : Britney Spears appeared distraught as she took her entourage on a private flight to New Orleans. Sources tell us that the pop princess was headed to New Orleans to promote her new movie, Crossroads, after a split from Nsyncer’ Justin Timberlake. Doesn’t it bug you that every picture or any article pops out the ‘sources tell us’ or ‘our sources say’? Let me tell you a little secret, there are no sources. There never has been. What there are plenty of are snitches. Snitches aren’t sources to celebrities, they are janitorial staff at a celebrity infested hotel, they are the pool boys, the pizza delivery guys. You get me? If you want to know a real ‘source’, here I am. You can’t get a better ‘source’ than me. (Really, I know this man you adore, from head to toe.) Anyway, so yeah the ‘source’ didn’t say who I was, which I guess was good. I still argue with Justin that the ‘source’ that leaked his break-up with Britney was the maid outside the hotel room, where Justin and Britney had been arguing. He says I was too drunk that night to know that for sure, which is true, because Justin left the last party an hour before we did. Maybe the maid was in the closet or something. Listening. Again I was drunk, excuse me. I won’t even get into that last part of Lynn’s story because well, it’s bullshit. God I want to kick his ass for lying to me. But we’ll get to that later in the soundtrack, I guess. I ended up recording that song that we sang to each other. As you can see, it’s the name of this track. I love that song. And why wouldn’t I? I wrote it. Back then I didn’t think it would have such a strong impact in my life. Justin didn’t sing the full lyrics to that song, so I would like to take this opportunity to sing that verse to you again. “And if it’s supposed to be, then we’re gonna be, no one can stop what’s destined, for you and me, who’s to say that we, won’t fall deep in love, it’s a very good chance because….” The song then goes onto the chorus but go pick up the album and take a good listen. (Shameless Plug!!) And ladies, yes, Justin Timberlake sings to his girl. Justin, please remember what can happen to Timbersnake if you mention him again. (Good Lord, now you have me referring to it as ‘him’. You’ll pay for that) The Sad Song (Remix # 2) I’m a bastard. I deserve to die. I know. Believe me I know. What do you want me to say? Would you like me to tell you that all of the negative things you think about Britney, are acceptable? They’re not, so I can’t do that. I can’t tell you why I said what I said that day. I just couldn’t tell the truth. I couldn’t speak it, knowing that the moment I did, disaster would overtake my life. Not that making you (and the whole world) believe Britney cheated on me isn’t a form of disaster or anything, because it was. I can admit now and even then that I was a coward. If somehow I would have known then what I know now, maybe I would have told Amanda the truth. The truth that has haunted me for over two decades, the truth that I still thrive on today. I’ve hurt not only Amanda and Britney with that lie, but you as well. I manipulated the situation and ran with it, all the way until I couldn’t take the lies anymore. (you’ll see in the following tracks, what I’m talking about.) I’ve hurt Britney by making her out to be the ‘bad guy’ which couldn’t be farthest from the truth. Britney deserved and deserves better than that because she’s awesome. You know who the bad guy was? Yeah, me. I’m the one that put those hateful words in your mouth about her. I’ve hurt Amanda because I didn’t trust her enough. I assumed the worst from her. (and rightfully so, wait till you listen to more tracks) I didn’t give her a chance to decided on her own what the outcome of my ‘truth’ would be. I’ve hurt you , my fans, because I used you. I used you to sell a record. I used you for publicity, I gave you what you wanted to see, read and hear. All because I was too fucking afraid of the outcome of my ‘truth’. I want to apologize for that, I realize that for some of my fans (even Britney fans, or Jojo fans) an apology now, is simply too late. But it’s all I got. I truly am sorry for what I did. Lynn didn’t mention this but I wasn’t alone in my truth. There was someone who knew and understood, even supported me in my ‘truth’ (Besides Trace, who I told that night). She’s always known my truths, my lies and my bullshit. I was eight years old when I first told her about this particular truth we’re talking about. We have always made it a point to take some time to sit and talk. My schedule has been hectic since I was fourteen years old, so the talks varied from ten minutes on the phone to the rare weekends we get to spend together. When those rare occasions occur, we enjoy them, I enjoy them. On those occasions when it’s just us, I tell her my truths and she understands me and supports me. Amanda has been my truth since January thirty-first nineteen eighty-one, and I truly believe that. Only one person knew that, though. That person is responsible for giving me life. That person is who brought me into this world, to entertain you. My first best friend. My mother. I realize that I truly am a momma’s boy but my mother is awesome and I can’t help it. (Just so you know, Lynn Harless, wasn’t so supportive of the Britney bashing. At all) Speaking of support systems, I’d also like to take a moment to thank, Trace. For all the shit he’s had to endure. (Him and his cousin are sitting on the couch, both threatening to spill the beans again, so I HAVE to thank him.) All jokes aside though, that’s my boy, my partner, my brother, my best friends and I love that little man. I don’t know what I would do without his support. Probably be my own bitch. And I probably would have more beer in the fridge. (Okay, so I had to throw in a joke. God forbid I get all sappy and gay in regards to Trace.) I started it, Amanda? No one asked you to be born, perfect, for me, so I beg to differ. (I’m stomping my foot back.) And you didn’t mind ‘him’ last night, did you? She’s going to have me skinned. (I’ll just sing to her later, that always works.) Love, Justin (again, I did that. I’m such a pimp.) The Fucked-up Song (Remix # 3) I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to sit here and recount the events in my two best friends’ lives, but they are making me. (I’m such a pussy when it comes them.) I came over to watch a game. And no offense to you, really, but fuck this!! They asked (made me) me to tell about how shitty I felt, how caught in the middle I felt. So I’m going to try. It was horrible. I have my cousin, whom I love dearly, even though she’s making me do this. We grew up together in the same home but I’m sure she told you that. And I have my best friend, my brother, my partner, who I don’t know if I could do without, Justin. (I’m not gay!!) I remember that day when Justin told me about his feelings, like it was yesterday. I think I was in shock for a good hour before it dawned on me that, deep inside, I already knew. I think I had it twisted though. Let me explain something to you. In my life, since I was born basically, I’ve known two facts. One, that I wasn’t going to be tall. And two, that Justin and Amanda would forever be in my life. So it was inevitable that Justin and Amanda would become one. (No pun intended. That’s kind of gross to think about.) What the fuck was I saying? Oh yeah, I knew. Only I always thought that the first admission would come from Manda. Mainly because she needed to drop Shit-face as soon as possible. I didn’t the admission would come from Justin, nor did I think Manda was completely oblivious. She’s making me do this, so I’m going to talk shit. I think Manda knew how Justin felt but she was soo far up Asshole’s ass that she failed to realize it. There I said it. Fuck that!! I don’t know if these two have told you about my feelings toward Jeremy, (a.k.a shit-face, a.k.a, pretty-fuck, a.k.a asshole, a.k.a shit-wad. You get the picture.) or lack thereof. I’ve known Jeremy basically all my life too, but it’s different with him. Everything change in middle school, when I was the short kid and he wanted to be the ‘big’ man on the block. God, I can’t believe I’m actually telling you this. Fuck!! I hate these kind of things. Jeremy and I became pretty close when Justin left. I guess I can’t deny that, although I do, all the time. As the years went on, I started seeing him for what he was. A wannabe. I’ve never had a problem making friends, ever. Justin and I share the same trait, we’re cool. (Don’t roll your eyes, if you’d ever met us, you’d know what I’m saying is true.) We don’t search out friends, they just fall into place because we are genuine, we don’t take any shit and people respect that. Jeremy on the other hand, wasn’t one to make friends on his own. Did Manda and Justin tell you that, we (well, Manda did) had to cross that street to talk to him? That although he was playing with his stupid football, across the street, and he could see us on the other side, he didn’t make an attempt to befriend us. What a mistake we made, that day. At least I thought so, I introduced him to every single one of those kids in Millington. And what do I get? I get told I’m not good enough to play football, or basketball, or go to the arcade, by non other than Jeremy ‘I’m the big man on the block now’ Owens. He didn’t keep me from those friends I introduced him to because I already had Justin and Manda but being set aside for people that weren’t ‘there’ for him pissed me off. When his father had abused him, verbally. I was there. When his mother didn’t let him do anything but play football. I was there. When he wanted someone to give another a Valentine’s card, because he couldn’t leave the house. I was there. When it was time to choose between a friend and a bunch of superficial friends, he chose them instead. That is why, he will forever be an asshole to me. I’m done talking about him. So, yeah, I expected the admission to come from Manda. I don’t know why, I just did. Maybe because I know Justin just as well, and he wouldn’t speak on anything like that to Manda. He’s too wary of Manda’s opinion, he values it too much. If he would have admitted to her, that he felt the way he did and she flipped out, causing their friendship to deteriorate, he wouldn’t have made it. He would have been devastated, so that I guess was my deciding factor, Amanda would be the one. Amanda has always been the one to keep us, the boys, in check. She’s out spoken and doesn’t really take shit, from us or anyone. If she feel like we did something wrong, she will let us know about it. Repeatedly. With her shoulder-length black hair, standing at five-foot-five, she can be pretty intimidating. She has these bright blue eyes, that kind of hypnotize you, she’s beautiful. (Don’t be a pervert now, I’m not crushing on my cousin.) I was so glad when everything got settled between my two friends. When everything came full circle, when things were back to normal. Although normal meant having to watch them make out when they thought no one was watching. Did I tell you too much? I think I might have because those two are cursing at me. Oh well. So maybe, just maybe this shit they are doing isn’t so bad. Maybe, and I mean maybe, I will talk to you again. You seem nice. You don’t say much and laugh at my jokes, so I guess you’re alright. I’m going to go grab a beer out the fridge now. And commercials are over so I’m out. Peace. |