| June 2003, Phoenix, Arizona Crystal McKay fidgeted nervously in the seat of the SUV she was riding in. It was June 4th already. She could hardly believe how fast the tour opener had come. After months of grueling rehearsals it was finally here. She felt the knot in her stomach get tighter as she saw the huge arena up ahead. She didn?t know what to expect, would they love her like they used to before she had put her career on hold? Or would they all just look the other way? She knew the main reason half the fans were there was for him. It was always about him. He was first and she came second. But why did she always give into him? Maybe because he was all she had. She never admitted it to anybody but herself, but it was true, Justin was the only one that had ever given a damn about her in the first place. Hell, this whole tour was his idea. She sighed and closed her eyes as she tipped her head back against the leather headrest, hoping to get a ten-minute nap before the chaos started. She groaned as her cell phone began playing its familiar jingle. Expecting it to be either Justin or BJ she didn?t bother looking at the caller ID. "You know you?re gonna see me in like 20 minutes J?you think I you could save it until then?" She asked. "Umm?Crys?" a familiar male voice asked. She paused for a moment trying to place the voice with a face. "Who is this?" She asked finally. "Its?umm?its Nick." He replied nervously. "What? You asshole?you have a fucking nerve calling me?I?m hanging up." Crystal replied angrily. "WAIT!" Nick yelled before she could hang up. "Make it fast Carter, why the hell are you calling me. I thought we were past everything. I thought we moved on." "I?I ummm?I cant sleep anymore Crys?. I haven?t had more than two hours of sleep in about a month. I?m exhausted, you?re the only one I could think of to call." The coldness in her eyes faded. She knew what this was about. She couldn?t just ignore him. "Are?are you alright? Are the dreams back?" "Yea the dreams?they come every night its awful Crystal?I, I can?t talk to Alex?I don?t wanna freak him out and get him going all over again. We...barely talk as it is. I didn?t wanna call you, I know we both agreed?" "No its ok, I?m?" She hesitated; she hadn?t talked to Nick Carter in almost a year. Up until now she had refused to talk to him. It was a little awkward. "I?m glad you called me?I know that I would have probably done the same thing." "Well...I was sort of thinking. Since it?s been a little while and all...that...maybe I could come and see you?" Nick asked her, the fear in his voice apparent. "Well?it?s opening night Nick. I don?t know when I?m going to get a day to myself." She replied. "I thought Bobbi would have told you that." "Shit, I totally forgot, and congrats by the way?I was meaning to have BJ tell you that for me. I listened to the album and I?m really proud of you?you?you well?" She could almost see the tears running down his face. "Nick?. please?" She replied quietly. He was still in love with her. After all this time, he was still in love. She shook her head sadly. They could never go back to what they had?not after everything that happened between them. And J?well, she didn?t want to even think about what he would say to her if she ever went back to Nick. "I just wanted to say...that..." He paused for a moment, either to hide the fact that he was crying which was obvious, or so he could think of what to say. "That...you deserve everything you?ve achieved. And...it was so wrong of me..." "Nick," She said, interrupting him. "I...I can?t start this conversation with you now." She whispered, not wanting him to know how emotional he was making her. She touched her left cheek. She could still feel it all. Even today, an entire year later. "I have a show to put on." He sniffled. "Sorry Crys? I guess I?ll talk to you later or something?but thanks for not slamming the phone in my ear this time. It was really good to hear your voice girl." "Yea?thanks Nick?when I get the chance, maybe we can get together or something?I hope you can get to sleep tonight, and if you can?t my phone is always on for you if you need to talk ok?" "Thanks a lot Crystal. Have a good show. Bye." Nick said and hung up. Crystal tossed her cell phone back in her bag and wiped the solitary tear that had escaped her eye off her cheek. She breathed in deeply and tried to calm herself down before she burst into tears. She couldn?t let Justin see her like this, he would wig out. He was probably more nervous about this show than she was, no, she wouldn?t tell him that she had talked to Nick just yet, maybe when they got their first day off or something. All she needed to focus on right now, she realized as the car pulled into the garage of the venue, was putting on a great show. Thank God BJ was going to be there. She needed to relieve her tension with somebody, and who better than Nick?s sister? She chuckled. God Nick, you pick the best times to pull this shit, she thought. "Heeerree we are." Gedgi, her bodyguard of five years said in a game show host voice as he opened her door for her, snapping Crystal out of her daze. Gedgi had been hired by Donnie Warwick, who had been Crystal?s manager way back when she had been touring with Nick and the guys back in 1998. Gedgi was like the father she never had. He was one of the only people that could keep her sane when things fell apart, when Justin was being dramatic and didn?t want to listen to her problems. Gedgi was a true companion and she hoped he would never leave. She normally wasn?t selfish about what she had, but according to her Gedgi was hers and no one else could have him. Fortunately, she paid him so well that she didn?t think he really had a reason to leave. "You ok girl? Don?t tell me you?re already having a nervous breakdown?we haven?t even gotten inside yet." Gedgi chuckled. "I?m fine Gedg?, you know the game." Crystal flashed him her gorgeous smile and jumped out of the car. "Nick called you didn?t he?" Gedgi smiled as he escorted her to the door that led inside. "Yea so?" Crystal replied quickly as they walked down the hallway. "Don?t worry." The large black man laughed. "I wont tell the king of pop." "I have asked you repeatedly not to call him that." Crystal grumbled. "Hey, you know me, I just go by what I see ok? Just as long as you?re happy I?m happy." "He may seem like that to you alright?I see it sometimes to when we go to parties and stuff?but with me Justin isn?t like that?when its just us he?s a totally different person?you wouldn?t even know him if you talked to him like I do." Gedgi put his hands up "Fine, fine. I give up, he?s a perfect angel. There are you happy now? Because you know if you?re not happy then?" "Gedgi?" Crystal interrupted. "Huh?" "Shut up." ******************************* "HIIMWENDYANDIMYOUREVENTSCOORDINATOR." The tiny blond girl said very quickly, apparently scared to death as she shook Crystal?s hand roughly. Crystal glanced at Gedgi and saw that familiar look in his eyes, you better not laugh girl, she could almost hear him say. "Hi." Crystal smiled. She would have to work out the kinks with this one. God, where did Lynn dig this one up? She wondered. "I guess I?ll see you a little later ok? I gotta go get ready for sound check." Crystal smiled again and walked off down the hall leaving Wendy standing there in shock. "Well I guess I?ll see you at the meet and greet baby girl. Behave." Gedgi said as the pair stopped in front of Crystal?s dressing room. Crystal smiled. "When have I ever not behaved?" She asked sweetly, narrowing her eyes at him. "How about the time when you AJ and Nick snuck out and went to that club?" Gedgi said crossing his arms in a fatherly fashion. Crystal had to laugh. The three of them had had Backstreet security on a wild goose chase that night. "Well ok I?ll give you that one Gedg?. But that?s it." "Mmmhmmm. I wont even count all the shit you and Justin have done." "Don?t go there. Go eat your Jack in the Box that you?ve been ranting about fatty." Crystal laughed, and ducked playfully as Gedgi pretended to swing at her. "Behave." Gedgi repeated again as he walked off, leaving her in her dressing room. She walked over to the mirror and let out a sigh as she looked at her reflection. This was going to be a long night. ******************************* "Hey." "Shouldn?t you be in your cave?" Crystal said nonchalantly as she applied her eyeliner, knowing the voice automatically. "Surrounded by your worshippers?" "Oh I am. And you?re the only worshiper I need." Justin Timberlake said seductively, and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind as he began to kiss her neck. "Slave." "I think you?re confused. You?re my slave." Crystal laughed hysterically as she turned around to face him. "Fine...I?m your slave, and you?re my slave. Happy?" Justin laughed flashing that famous smile of his. The one that could make any girl fall madly in love with him. The one that made her fall for him over and over again. "No." Crystal said sarcastically. "Why not?" He pouted. "Because I refuse to be your slave Justin Randall." "Shut up." Justin laughed. "Crystal Ann." He smiled and leaned in to kiss her. "No J?not now." Crystal said quickly, pushing his face away. "Why? What?s the matter?" Justin questioned. "I thought we discussed this. We?re keeping what we do private." Crystal replied softly. "Come on no ones gonna see. Here?" Justin unlocked himself from her and walked over to the door pushing it shut and locking it. "There, now were all alone. Happy?" "That?s not the point J and you know it." Crystal sighed. "Someone?s gonna be looking for us. It?s the first fucking show of this tour J. Aren?t you a little nervous? Shouldn?t you be concentrating on your performance?" "It?s kind of hard to concentrate on anything when you?re always on my mind C." He sighed. "Crystal what are we?are we together or are we friends or what because I just don?t know anymore." "J I told you it?s complicated." Crystal sighed as she bent down to grab her duffle bag off of the floor. She slung it over her shoulder, and finally let her eyes meet his again. "You can?t expect me to just be with you. You know why." "Why is it complicated? It wasn?t too complicated last night when we slept together." He folded his arms across his chest and stared at her, expecting her to agree with him and just give in. She always gave in. "Justin just stop, we have a show to put on ok. Stop thinking with your dick and use your head. I have to go to sound check." Crystal looked at her friend tiredly. "Real nice." Justin muttered, looking at the floor. "C?mon J?I don?t need to get into a fight right now. Especially with you." She walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into a long, sensual kiss. "Girl, I just..." Justin began to say breathlessly as their kiss broke. He paused for a moment, pondering what he wanted to say. "I...just...It?s..." "You just what?" She huffed. "I just...you know...I just care about you, and I want you to give me a chance." he whispered. "I know this has all been hard on you. But it was hard on me too...watching you suffer like that." Crystal chewed on her lip nervously. "You need to give me more time Justin." "It?s been a year." He whispered, caressing her cheek with his hand. He gazed into her amazing blue eyes, causing his heart to beat wildly inside his chest. "Don?t you think it?s been long enough?" She pushed his hand away slowly, but didn?t let it go. "It doesn?t matter how long its been. What happened..." She paused, and glanced down at her hand, that was now intertwined with Justin?s. "It doesn?t just go away." She got out, not lifting her head to meet his gaze. "You?ve been through worse." Justin scoffed. "You and I both know that." Crystal shook her head. "You can?t understand." He tore his hand away from hers, angry at her comment. "Oh...now I can?t understand either? Fine. That?s fine," he muttered. "I guess I?m wasting my time. This is no different than before...you're just single now." He rolled his eyes, and turned towards the mirror, becoming immersed in his reflection...the one thing in his life that he thought was flawless. Crystal groaned and started to walk out the door, but stopped herself. "Justin." She huffed, whirling back around. "Yeah," he said softly, holding back the tears that were threatening to spill over his eyelids. "Please don?t be upset with me." Justin sucked in his breath and exhaled slowly. How many times had she said that to him? He didn't even want to try to remember. He sighed, he wanted to give her the third degree, but lately, everything had been going so well between the two of them, that he didn't want to spoil it all now. He slowly tore his eyes away from the mirror and turned around to face her. "I?m confused...not upset," he got out after a moment. "This is why we?re seeing other people." Crystal nodded. "I don?t want to see other people." Justin shook his head, and narrowed his eyes at her. "I can?t see other people." "What about the England bimbos?" She laughed. "You sure saw them." "I wasn?t seeing them." Justin said, letting a small laugh escape his mouth. "I was just testing them out. You know...breaking them in." "Pig." "No worse than you." "I?m going." She laughed. "This is too much drama for a fifteen minute conversation." "See you on the bus after?" Justin said, his bright blue eyes filling with hope. "Maybe." She giggled. "Or maybe I?ll make other plans. I saw some cute security guards walkin? around." "I hate you." He growled. "Oh lighten up." "So you?re going to come?" She groaned. "I?ll see you later on boy." She smiled and walked out the door, leaving Justin Timberlake, the man who could have pretty much anything and any woman he wanted, more confused than ever. |
| Prologue |