NYPD Blue Fanfiction
He's Funny Like That
Connie: (Thinking to herself) Man, that coffee
smells good. The last thing I remember is Andy rubbing my feet. I must have
passed out from exhaustion. I love how his hands feel on me. What that man does
to me. For a man as strong as he is, his touch can be sooo soothing.
Connie: Hay you, what time did you get up?
Andy: A little while ago.
Connie: What do you have there?
Andy: Breakfast for my two favorite ladies.
Connie: What about Theo?
Andy: Heís still sleeping. Heís ok.
Connie: A massage last night, breakfast in bed
this morning. Whatís up?
Andy: Nothing, canít I just show you a little
appreciation for puttiní up with me?
Connie: Andy, itís not about putting up with
someone. I love you. Youíve just had a few rough days is all. ( She has to be
very careful as not to hurt his feelings) I donít ever want you to think you
have to ďpay me backĒ for loving you. Iíll love you forever. Regardless of
how many good days or bad days we have together.
Andy: Itís not about paybacks. Itís about
appreciation. Appreciation for you and all you do for me day in and day out.
Never knowing when we go out on a call if it will be the last time we see each
other. This life we lead Connie, makes me understand just how fragile out time
Andy: Ok little one. Letís go get Theo. and
get ourselves ready.
Connie: I love you and thank you.
Andy: Love you too and youíre welcome.
LT.: Greg, anything from BCI?
Greg: One misdemeanor drug collar.
LT.: What about gang affiliations?
LT.: Whatís up with this guy? Whereís he
from? Whoís he run with? He just didnít fall out of a tree and start messiní
with Andy. Has he even asked for a lawyer?
LT.: Any ideas? Any one? (He waits for a few
seconds) All right, Jr. and Baldwin, you two take a shot at him and see what you
come up with. The rest of you keep digging.
Andy: (To Jr.) Howíd it go in there?
Jr.: We got nothing Andy. Baldwin and I are
going to talk to Orlando now. Any suggestions?
Andy: Any suggestions I may have may have you
ending up like me.
Jr.: Hang in there.
Jr.: Ok, Orlando, letís talk.
Orlando: About what? You got nothiní man.
Baldwin: I wouldnít be so sure of that.
Weíve been talking to Alonzo. He has a lot to say.
Orlando: You listen to that punk ass fool?
Jr.: Your going away for a very long time. Tell
us what happened and weíll see if we can help you.
Orlando: Goiní away for what? J-walkiní? I
donít thin so.
Jr.: (Growing impatient with Orlandoís
attitude) How about we start with murder. Then we got breaking and entering.
Then we have carjacking and kidnapping and several beatings and a few counts of
Orlando: Conspiracy? What do I look like, Oliver
Baldwin: Your going to prison Orlando.
Orlando: Fine with me. Two hots and a cot. Free
cable and dentalÖ
Jr.: And some giant shoving his Johnson up your
Orlando: I got protection---I got family.
Jr.: Your protection and family wonít do you
any good when the state puts a needle in your arm.
Orlando: Yeah, right. Get out of my face man.
Jr.: Listen to me Orlando, a man died. You may
not have put the knife into him, but it was your idea that made it happen.
Baldwin: Its called acting in concert as part of
a conspiracy. Thatís an agreement between two or more persons to commit a
crime or accomplish a purpose through illegal actions.
Orlando: Hold on, hold onÖ..This wasnít my
Jr.: It donít matter.
Baldwin: Maybe it does. Tell us whoís idea it
was and maybe there will be a little wiggle room for you.
Orlando: Take the needle off the table and
Iíll think about it.
Baldwin: We canít make any promises right now,
weíll have to talk to the DA and see what they have to say.
Jr.: All right (grabbing Orlando by the scruff
of his neck) get in the cage. Think about it.
Orlando: You all do the same right?
Greg: Excuse me boss, we got the phone dumps back from Orlandoís phone. There was four calls to up state New York. The Wende Correctional Facility.
LT.: Who the hell is up there?
Baldwin: Thatís probably what Orlando is
Jr.: He did say he had protection.
LT.: Get Andy in here.
Greg: I think heís in the bathroom.
LT.: Go get him please?
Greg: Ah, Andy? The boss wantís to see you.
Andy: I am allowed to piss, ainít I?
Greg: We just got the phone dumps back. Calls
placed up state New York, a Wende Correctional Facility. Ring any bells??
Andy: Son of a bitch.
LT.: Ant ideas about this?
Andy: Jr. and I worked this case a while back.
Remember. The gay guy who would house young Spanish men fresh from prison?
Jr.: Yeah, Neil, Neil, something. I canít
think of his name right now. Let me go look it up.
Andy: No, wait. We questioned one guy, which led
us to Rikres and that rat prick Idalo. I offered to have him moved from Attica
to Sing Sing so he could be closer to his family. Only if he helped us find who
murdered this Neil guy.
Andy: All Idalo did was jerk us off all day.
Turns out Idalo sent some guy to this Neilís apartment to look for a safe that
didnít exist. The guy got pissed and ended up killiní Neil. It was Idalo
plan all along to have Neil killed. It all went back to Idalo. So, I had him
sent up state as far away from his family as possible.
Baldwin: Anyways, what do we do with Orlando
LT.: Throw Idaloís name at him and see what
kind of reaction you get from him.
Connie: Hay, you ok?
Andy: I feel like a dickhead is all.
Connie: Andy, you..
Andy: Please Connie, no more excuses. What made
me think I could, I couldÖ.
Connie: Andy, stop it. ( She nods for him to
meet her in the locker room)
Andy: Better make it quick, donít want the
boss lookiní for me. Christ knows Iím in enough trouble.
Andy: (Whispering in her ear) What was that all
Connie: It needed doing.
Andy: Yeah, huh?
Andy: Det. Sipowicz, can I speak to Kurt Kryser
please? (He waits for a minute)
Kurt: Andy, how are you? Everything ok?
Andy: Yeah. Kurt, Iím calliní to check on a
pal of mine. Idalo Tavarez.
Kurt: Andy, I told you that would be taken care
of. Whatís the problem?
Andy: Could you do me a quick favor, and see if
he is where he suppose to be?
Kurt: Iíll have to get back to you. End of
business today good with you?
Andy: Absolutely. Thanks. You have my number
here at the house?
Kurt: Yeah. The 1-5 right?
Andy: Yeah, thanks again.
Kurt: No problem.
Andy: (Thinking to himself) This is the
miserable prick that was out to get me?
Baldwin: (Opening the cage) Ok, Orlando,
whatís it gonna be?
Orlando: First, this was not my
idea. All right, we clear on that part?
Jr.: whose idea was it then?
Orlando: See, this part is what has me in Gods
little green acre. East of the rock, west of the hard place. This is family
Iím dealiní with here. I donít know that I can.
Jr.: Then itís all gonna fall on you.
Orlando: YO! What the hellís wrong with you? I
need to think.
Jr.: Youíve had all morning!
Orlando: This is my life, bitch!!
Jr.: What life?
Orlando: Your startiní to get on my last
Jr.: You know what, Iím outta here. (Pointing
to Baldwin) You gonna put up with this shit?
Jr.: Hay Andy. Whatís going on?
Andy: Whyíd you leave the room?
Jr.: Baldwin and Orlando got something going on.
I would only be in the way. Orlando was only gonna sit and stew while I was in
Orlando: That one needs to learn a little
Baldwin: Heís just not as patient as I am. Me,
I got all day.(Baldwin leans back in his chair and folds his arms across his
chest). When ever youíre ready.
Orlando: Iím gonna need a little help with
Baldwin: What are we talkiní about?
Orlando: Itís family, man.
Baldwin: Father, mother, brotherÖÖ..what?
Baldwin: Explain it to me.
Orlando: Oh, man, IÖ.
Baldwin: (Looking at Orlando with deep respect)
Orlando, do you mean youíre a ďmade guyĒ?
Orlando: (Taking notice of Baldwinís attitude)
Yeah, well I guessÖ
Baldwin: (Nodding his head) I see.
Orlando: I need to be far away from this
Baldwin: (Looking deep into Orlandoís eyes)
Talk to me.
Orlando: (Taking a deep breath) Heís my
cousin. His reach is long and sometimes wide. Iíve been doing some work for
him while heís in prison.
Baldwin: And where would that be?
Orlando: Iím not real sure. I know itís up
state somewheres. See, thatís how this whole thing got started. He pissed off
some cop and the cop had him sent up state instead of down here in the city
where he could see his family. Now the cousin is all pissed off and wants this
cop to pay for what he did.
Baldwin: Pay? What do you mean by pay?
Orlando: I was suppose to find this cop and beat
him to within a pubic hair of his life. Me, I donít like the sight of blood.
So thatís when I decided to get Lopez and Vasquez to do the dirty work for me.
But those two couldnít find their ass holes if you tied their hands behind
their backs. Not my best move, huh?
Baldwin: Itíll probably doom you to middle
Baldwin: Never mind. Orlando, I still need a
name. You give me a name and I can start to help you. Iíll talk to the DA and
help you with your statement. What do you say Orlando? Shall we get to work?
Orlando: Heís my cousin, Idalo Tavarez.
Baldwin: Good job Orlando. (Standing up to get
him some paper and a pen) Now lets get it down on paper and we can go to work.
Andy: Good job. Both of you.
Jr.: Thanks Andy.
Andy: (To Connie) Iím gone up to Anti-Crime
for a few minutes. Let the boss know if heís lookiní for me.
Connie: Yeah, will do.
Andy: Yeah, Kurt. I was surprised to hear from
you so soon. Whatís up?
Kurt: Your pal is heading down to your neck of the woods for the next few days.
Heís slated to testify against some drug
dealers. Heís lookiní to shave a little time off his stay with the state.
Andy: I thought he was in for life? Howís that
Kurt: Andy, you know and I know, life doesnít
always mean life these days. Really, what do you want with this guy?
Andy: Just keeping tabs is all. Whereís he
stayiní while heís in town?
Kurt: Rikers. He should be there sometime late
this afternoon or by dinner time tonight.
Andy: Kurt, I owe you. Anytime. Anything.
Kurt: Be careful with this guy Andy,
Andy: Yeah. Thanks again.
Andy: Nice interview Baldwin.
Baldwin: Thanks Andy.
Connie: What were you doing up stairs?
Andy: Paper work. The number one reason I became
Connie: Do you want to get some lunch?
Andy: Yeah that would be nice.
Connie: Oh, donít forget Theo. has soccer
Andy: Ah, do you think you can take him tonight.
Andy: I told Katie I would stop by and check on
her apartment for her. Sheís still a little skittish about going home. Her
sister called me yesterday and told me she thinks Katie should get some help.
Iím gonna talk to her about it. Her and John should go together. So Iíll
probably be late tonight.
Connie: Youíre a good man Andy Sipowicz.
Overall Katie is doing better?
Andy: Physically she doiní better. Itís the
mental part thatís gonna take some time.
Andy: Hay, we should be gettingí back.
Connie: (Giving him a kiss on the check) I love
Andy: I love you too. Letís go.
Andy: You better get yourself in there.
Connie: Theyíll be fine. Iíll catch up in a
Val: Ok, let me get this straight; We have
Garcia Lopez and Alonzo Vasquez for the murder of Gabriel DeJesus and a laundry
list of offences on John Irvin and Kati Sipowicz.
Val: Now on Orlando Abrue, we have all sorts of
conspiracy charges, along with a murder charge.
Baldwin: Right, he was hired by Idalo Tavarez.
Greg: Heís the one up state doiní life on a
previous murder charge.
Val: How did John and Katie come into play?
LT.: Idalo had a grudge against Andy. That was
his way of gettingí back at Andy.
Val: (Looking confused) I donít think there
should be any problem with this. Iíll run it by my boss, but I think the
charges should stick.
LT: Good, thanks for your time.
Val: LT. is there anything else I should know?
LT.: Like what?
Val: Like why wasnít Task Force or IAB in
charge of this case?
LT.: We decided to handle it in-house. That is
why we asked for you.
Val: I canít promise you anything, I have to
run this by the book and see my boss.
LT.: Iím not askiní you for any special
favors, Valerie. We also went by the book. These are good charges.
Val: Ok, then. Iíll take this to my boss and
Iíll be in touch with you as soon as I hear from him.
LT.: Thanks Valerie.
Greg: You know partner, God must have loved
Baldwin: Yeah, whys that?
Greg: Because he made so much of it.
Baldwin: Well, it does keep us in a job. Night
Greg: Yeah, night guys.
Connie: What time you going to Katieís?
Andy: In a bit. I just have to finish up here.
Connie: Ok, Iíll see you at home.
Connie: Careful driving tonight.
Andy: I love you too.
Connie: Yeah. Ritaís gonna give me a ride home
so you can use the car.
Andy: Good. Thanks Rita.
Rita: No problem.
Jr.: Sucks huh?
Andy: Thatís one way of looking at it.
Jr.: Hang in thereÖÖonly nine more days.
Andy: Now thereís a reason to get out of bed
in the morning.
Jr.: Night Andy.
LT.: Jr., you got plans for tonight?
Jr.: Just some laundry and the ballgame.
LT.: I got an extra ticket for the Golden Gloves
Boxing tournament in the Bronx. My nephew is on the card tonight. Want to go?
Jr.: Yeah, sounds great. What time?
LT.: Iíll pick you up at say 7?
Jr.: Great, see you then.
LT.: Blows huh?
Andy: Yeah, Jr. was just sayiní the same
LT.: Iím sorry Andy.
Andy: (Avoiding eye contact) Your just doiní your job. No apology nessary.
LT.: Iíll wait to hear from ADA Haywood. If
everything turns out ok, Iíll cut it back to five days. Youíre too valuable
a detective to be sittiní around here all day.
Andy: (Looking at LT.) Thank you.
Andy: How was breakfast this morning?
LT.: It went well.
Andy: Ant repercussions from yesterday?
LT.: No, not too much.
Andy: (Looking over his glasses) How bad?
LT.: Nothing I canít handle.
Andy: Because of me, youíre gettingí your
LT.: Andy, relax, it all worked out.
Andy: I know Iíve been sayiní this a lot the
past few days, but I am sorry for this mess. (Andy stands and extends his hand
to LT.) I appreciate all you have done for me. (The two men shake hands)
LT.: Night Andy.
Andy: Night boss.
Andy: I would like to speak to Office Celia
Campos. (He waits for her to get to the phone)
Celia: Officer Campos.
Andy: Itís Andy Sipowicz.
Celia: (There is a few seconds of dead air) Yes,
Andy: I need your help.
Andy: Alls I need is five minutes alone with
Celia: Detective, you do realize he is scheduled
to testify tomorrow? If he shows up in court all beat to hell, its gonna come
back to me.
Andy: I would never put you in a jackpot
situation. Youíll have to trust me on this one.
Celia: Iím trusting you to do the right thing.
Iíll need a few minutes to get things situated.
Andy: I understand, Iíll wait right here.
Celia: No, come with me to the holding cell. So
thereís no record of your visit, Iíll need to hold your gun.
Idalo: What the fuck, lady? I ainít supposed
to be here.
Celia: Shut the hell up and sit down.
Idalo: I want my lawyer.
Celia: Yeah, well, I want a house in the
Hamptons. Five minutes, detective. Clear?
Andy: (Still with his back to the situation)
Andy: Yeah, detective.
Idalo: Is that you, BITCH?
Andy: Yep, here I am. Alive and well.
Andy: Here I am.
Idalo: What you want old man?
Andy: (Getting nose to nose with Idalo) I want
to kill you so bad, my dick is hard.
Idalo: You like us Spanish boys, huh? That what
you want old man?
Andy: (Whispering) I want you to live a long and
healthy life, so everyday you wake up youíll remember, Iím still here. I
want you to know, that when you get back to the ďice boxĒ, youíll be put
into solitary confinement, so everyday you wake up in your 9x12 hellhole,
youíll know I put you there. I want you to know, however long you think your
reach is, mine is ten times longer. Iíll be your death. I told you before
dickhead, wrong cop.
Andy: (Still whispering) Open you eyes and look
at me. Remember this face. Remember these eyes for the rest of your miserable
fuckiní life. Everyday Idalo, everyday.
Andy: On the gate.
Andy: (To Celia) Heís gonna need a change of
Theo: Daddy! Where you been all night?
Andy: I was over seeiní Aunt Katie.
Theo: When can I go and see Aunt Katie?
Andy: Soon. Sheís not feeliní too good right
now. Maybe you should give her a call. That would cheer her up.
Andy: No, tomorrow. Aunt Katie is in bed where
you should be.
Connie: (Giving Andy a kiss on the cheek) Hay,
howíd everything go?
Theo: I was helping mommy tonight and she said I
could stay up a little later because I was such a big help.
Connie: (Giving Theo a hug) Yes you were little
man. But it is getting late, so go brush your teeth and get ready for bed.
Theo: (Giving Connie and Andy a hug and a kiss)
Andy: Go on squirt, Iíll meet you in the
bathroom and you can tell me all about practice tonight.
Connie: Can I get you something to eat?
Andy: Yeah, sounds good. Whatever you got handy.
Andy: Smells great. Thanks.
Connie: No problem. Howís Katie?
Andy: How was your night? How was practice?
Andy: Hay, letís go to bed. Weíll be more
Connie: Yeah, good idea.
Andy: Iíll lock up and be right in.
Connie: Donít be too long. ( With a sassy
Connie: You ok?
Andy: Yeah, just drained is all.
Connie: You plan on sleeping in those clothes?
Andy: Iíll get changed in a minute. I just
want to stretch out my back.
Connie: Iíll help you.
Andy: I did something tonight thatÖ.
Connie: (Before he can finish) I know Andy.
Andy: Know what?
Connie: What you did.
Andy: Iím not talkiní about Katie.
Connie: I know.
Connie: It doesnít take five hours to check
out someoneís apartment. I also know when you plan to get even with someone;
you are only letting that person continue to hurt you. (Taking off his socks)
So, letís just leave it at that.
Andy: Iím sorry I lied to you.
Connie: Iíll let you slid this time.
Andy: The way you comfort me is amazing.
Connie: (In a whisper) Andy, look at me.
His movement starts to throb.
Connie: Andy, donít hold back. Let go.
Tonight in this world, there are people getting what they need.
Tonight in this world, there are people getting
what they deserve.