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Minutes from 2-16-00
THE SERAPHIM DEBACLE by Adam Glazer With trepidation I eeked out a humble suggestion for two east village spots. My intent was to accommodate everyone and to avoid the traditional persecution associated with the responsibility of choosing a venue for this tough audience. I guess I also felt a little awkward, being that I am still a little wet behind the ears regarding the etiquette and didn't want to seem uppity. To no avail, my benevolent intentions backfired miserably. I cowered to the first critic and haphazardly chose Tortilla Flats, which in retrospect, was a big mistake. I wasn't aware that it was Ernest Borgnine night, a popular event at the Flats which always draws a large crowd. I'll assume that you have all seen the Poseidon Adventure (thank you for the reference, Andrea). Anyway, Miss Seraphim (aka Snotty) sent me this blistering but delicious little note to remind me of the shame that I should feel for not being more stern with the venue-choice critics. I have attached it for you all to enjoy. <<RE: Honestly Adam>> Now that I have established the backdrop for the evening, let me take you through the play by play: Ross and co. arrive at Tortilla Flats on time to discover the huge line outside and decide to move the party to Slims. This is a daring move b/c it risks losing the stragglers who come late. He leaves a sign on the door and calls people's cell phones to inform them of the change. So far, so good. I get to Slims at about 9:30 and the Ny Spirits is looking a bit like NY Spiritless. Where is everybody? All this sweating, complaining and planning for just Ross, Stephanie, Brian, Danielle, Andrea and some spicy chicken fingers? Damn! But actually, that was the best part of the night. Everyone was feeling good, laughing and drinking, except drinkless Danielle who Ross told to get a glass of water and then Brian said "its a drinking club" and Ross almost snarfed. But Andrea made up for it with two solid Manhattans. She asked me if I wanted to sip it and I said "no way, thats too rugged for me. i'd rather have a cosmopolitan" to which Brian replied "i hear they make a fabulous white wine spritzer and the caeser salad is to die for". After some beers and a few bummed cigarettes later, Stefanie and I had a revelation. _THE_ e-business model that will get us all rich. Ready? Check it: Choose your own adventure porn. Whaddaya think? We can stream the segments and you choose what happens next! Stef said she can contribute because she knows a guy that watches alot of porn (uh, which guy doesn't?) and she has some slutty friends who are looking for work. My question: Where are those friends? Why weren't they out last night? Ross and I want to know! Speaking of Ross, his pie analogy was great. I'll leave it at that. But the criticism of my email distribution list was uncalled for. Yo mama was still funny after the 10th time. Yo mama is so fat: ....she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her. ....when I yell "Kool-Aid," she comes crashing through the wall. So, the word is that Ross quit smoking. But I know Ross, he's no quitter. I saw him sneak two puffs. Everyone enjoyed Rufus and Chaka Khan, "tell me somthing good, uh-huh....tell me that you like iiiit, yeeeeaaahhhhh" When asked for a closing comment as she was walking out the door, Andrea said "Andrea and her nipple left in peace". You go girl. What's up with random dude catching game from the bitchy girls? A Guiness and you're in. Shit was mad funny! Oh boy, were those girls frigid. But that other chick sitting down was a hottie. Too bad her boyfriend is self-defense guy, otherwise I would have kicked his ass and carried her away on my chariot. Seraphim and I bonded at the end and enjoyed a beer together. Whoever bought me that beer, thank you. I didn't ask for it, some stranger just bought it for me, unsolicited. Isn't that what its all about. Friendship, and some spirits. Seraphim's Email: Okay, so I didn't have the opportunity of meeting you at the Village Idiot, but I'm sure you heard my name badmouthed that evening. I did make it over there eventually, but everyone had already left. Anywho, I could not live with myself if I didn't express my disappointment in your selection process for the Spirits. You started off soooo wonderfully, gently asking for permission and guidance- it was sweet really. Taking into consideration our request to accommodate that Cydny's last night in NYC be in the East Village, even giving us options. Then, from out of left field Ross suggests Tortilla Flats, and let's be honest here, it is really more of a restaurant than a bar, and you crumbled. Right before the eyes of NYSpirits@topica.com < <mailto:NYSpirits@topica.com> < <mailto:NYSpirits@topica.com>> > , you succumbed to the pressure of your peer, and chose not only a bar NOT in the East Village, but a restaurant. Honestly Adam, I don't know what to say. (Can you tell that I've recently quit my job and don't really have too much going on at work??) Back to the shame that you should be feeling - please try to make it up in the minutes, and I'll work on forgiveness. I'm personally not much of a grudge-holder, but can't promise much for the rest of the members. May the rest of your life decisions come easier, SS
