PARK POLICE HOBO STEW. INGREDIENTS: 4 partially eaten hamburgers, 2 partially eaten hot dogs, 4 packets of concession ketchup, grease drippings from 2-4 barbecues.
DIRECTIONS: Break up partially eaten hamburgers & hot dogs and place in pot (if no pot is available use department-issue riot helmet), add ketchup and grease drippings, simmer over low heat (or on patrol car engine block) until warm. Serve.
FINGER-LICKIN' FINGER LAKES RACCOON KEBOBS. INGREDIENTS: 1 large raccoon (road kill or by "other means"). DIRECTIONS: Find suitable wooden Park fencepost. Break off fencepost and insert length-wise through raccoon. Hold raccoon over still smold-
ering campfire, turning frequently, until done. BAM!
HOLIDAY WATERMELON WINE. INGREDIENTS: 100-150 used watermelon rinds. 1 cup yeast. DIRECTIONS: Gather used watermelon rinds and place into clean (?) trash can. Pulverize rinds with nightstick until a mash-like consistency forms. Strain through winter vest carrier to remove solids. Add yeast to remaining liquid and stir well. Place mixture in sealed container (rubber gloves, etc.) and allow to ferment for 6-8 months. Your summer watermelons are now a wonderful holiday season libation!
PALISADES PARK CAJUN RABBIT. INGREDIENTS: 1 rabbit, cleaned & skinned, 1 can department-issued OC spray, concession salt & pepper. DIRECTIONS: Take rabbit and spray evenly with OC spray, add salt & pepper to taste. Wrap rabbit in used aluminum foil and place in smoldering coals from leftover barbecue. Let cook for 1 hour, unwrap & enjoy.
THE OPR LUNCH. INGREDIENTS: none. DIRECTIONS: This is the simplest meal of them all. It requires no cooking skills and only minimal personal interaction skills. Simply walk up to a group at a picnic table and rub your stomach while staring at their food. Soon they will probably give you something to eat! If the patrons ask why you scavange for food just growl and hold the food tightly to your chest.
NICKEL-CIGAR GOOSE. INGREDIENTS: 1 whole Park goose; plucked, cleaned, and
tenderized with nightstick. Assorted Park weeds and greens, pinch of road salt (gather in winter and store in locker or go to nearest DOT barn). DIRECTIONS: Rub inside goose cavity with road salt. Stuff goose with weeds & greens. Sew up cavity with used, discarded fishing line. Wrap goose in "evidence tape" and place on radiator in HQ Locker Room. Cooking time: 30 seconds.
NEXT MONTH: Cannibalism and its nutritional value ! |
