Petals and Perfume

My life ain’t been
All petals and perfume
It’s had thorns that
Rip at my skin
And leave bloodstains
On my clothes
I’ve been through
Muddy ditches
And stepped in shit
Been called names to my face
And even more behind my back
Bruised my knuckles
And fallen on my face
I’ve been to jail
Slept on concrete
Gotten high to get by
I know the sound of gun shots
And the taste of liquor coming back up
Found out the difference
Between love and lust
Know what it feels like
When it’s never enough
Shit life is rough
I can cry and laugh
All at the same time
Sometimes I grind my teeth in my sleep
I’ve been naked and felt
Fully dressed
And I’ve felt like I couldn’t
Get dressed enough
But I’m a warrior
I can run in heels
And defeat you with a glare
Don’t take me there
You don’t know me
Like you think you do
I’ve looked death in the eyes
And made him apologize
For trying my patience
I’ve walked for miles
Cause I couldn’t afford
To take the bus
I’ve dined with millionaires
Rode shot gun in convertibles
Eaten sushi and drunk champagne
Been backstage at the concert
Danced at the after party
And stayed the whole night
In the hotel
Been VIP
And homeless
All at the same time
I’ve laughed till it hurt
Hurt till I cried
Laid down and waited to die
Got up and refused to go
Back down
Just cause I’m smiling
Don’t mean I won’t
Pop you in your grill
For getting out of line
I’ve got scars
And stories
Been hungry and too full
And still
I keep going
Prepare for the worst
Hope for the best
Cause God ain’t left me yet
Even when my momma couldn’t
Save me
When my daddy wouldn’t
Face me
I was never alone
Cause I ain’t dead yet
And fuck the world
It ain’t ready
I got 21 years
Of long hard living
And I’m not the girl
I usta to be
I’m the woman who has
Learned that don’t nobody loves you
When you ain’t got nothing to give
And you can’t convince yourself
To get out of bed
You cry at television commercials
And smoke Newports and weed
Just to take your mind off
Of all the shit weighing you down
When you ain’t got money to
Pay back your loans
And really you need to
Borrow some more
When everything you own
Fits neatly in a torn backpack
When all you have
That’s worth anything at all
Is poetry
Pages and pages of words
People always ask me
How I manage to
Do the things I do
How I know
The things I know
They don’t wanna hear about
The night you spent
In a dirty hotel room
With no pillows or shower curtain
No towels and a broken TV
A two day empty stomach
And one pair of draws
Crying your eyes out
Professing your disbelief in God
Can’t sleep for the heat of
LA in June
As crack heads roam the halls
And ambulances visit
Three times an hour
They don’t wanna hear about
The two days you spent
Checked into the mental ward
Cause you tried to overdose on
Pain killers for your appendectomy
Or how they kicked you out
Cause you weren’t crazy
Even though you begged for one more night
Cause you ain’t had
Nowhere else to stay
They don’t wanna know
About the day you lost
Your unborn son to stress
And walked back to work
From the hospital
Just to tell them you quit
Nah
They only want to hear
Stories involving limousines
And rap stars
Hot tubs and nightclubs
But life ain’t all
Petals and perfume
It has thorns
That prick and leave
Blood stains
Scars to remember when you
Feel like you can’t get back up
Living is rough
But dying is too damn easy
And that ain’t never enough
For me

by Empress Nzingha

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