The 2 scenes presented
here are
completely original spoofs of Dave Chapelle Show skits. Both are
based on "Charlie Murphy's True Hollywood Stories."
"Rick James"
Luke Skywalker:
So I go to his crib on Cloud City and says he's gonna freeze me...
Darth
Vader: heh heh,
yeah, cocaine will make you say some pretty
crazy [stuff].
Luke:
...but I escape. Now we're out in this control booth and when I'm
not lookin', he yells "Luke Skywalker!" and sucker punches me with his
luggage....
Vader:
I would never do something like that, Skywalker is talking trash, I
don't remember ever hitting him with my luggage. Yeah, I remember
flinging my suitcases at him...
Luke:
...so then he's all up in my face sayin' "who's your daddy?" and
cuts off my hand and I'm like "dude, I'm gonna [freakin'n] jump if you
don't shut up..."
Vader:
...and he's all like "Oh, boo hoo, my daddy is the most powerful
guy in the universe and he hasn't even bought me a porsche yet."
If he
didn't jump, I was gonna push him off myself.
Luke:
...and what does that strung out jerk say to me as i'm falling to
certain death?
I'M DARTH VADER, B#$%#!"
"Wayne
Brady"
Darth Vader: Thanks for comin' out to
the Death Star, sister, the last
of the Jedi,
we have to stick together.
Leia:
(thumps herself on the chest) The last of the Jedi, man. Hey wait, that
was the turn for our restaurant.
Vader:
I know, but we're going somewhere else.
[stops the Death Star and calls up Bail Organa on the view
screen]
Vader:
Hey, Bail! Got somethin' for ya!
[POW! Alderaan destroyed]
Leia:
(distraught) I can't believe you did that, man! You're crazy! Can we
stop at the next bank planet? I need to get some cash.
[Vader parks the Death Star at
Tatooine and transports up the 3 backup singers in Sy Snoodles band]
Vader: What'cha got for me
tonight, b*****s? Oh right,
how rude, b*****s Leia, Leia b*****s.
Leia: Run, b*****s! Run
for your life!
Vader:
This is all you've got for me tonight? Is Darth Vader gonna have to
choke a b****?
Leia: I'm ready to go home now...
Vader:
Whatever.
[galaxy patrol stops the Death Star and boards]
Vader:
What
seems to be the problem?
Galaxy
Police: Sir, can I see your permit for this thing? You are in
violation of code TS-872: driving your planet out of orbit.
Vader:
Of course officer (hands over his ID).
Galaxy
Police: Hey, no
way! You're Darth Vader!
[Vader blushes under his helmet and nods].
Galaxy
Police: Wow! I can't believe it! Can
you....you know....?
Vader:
(sighs) Of course! [in his best imitation of himself] "YOU ARE PART OF
THE REBEL ALLIANCE AND A TRAITOR, TAKE HER AWAY!"
Galaxy
Police:
Oh, man! My mother-in-law loves that part! She's never gonna
believe........ugh!
[Darth Vader Force-Chokes the officer and he falls to the
floor dead]
Leia:
You don't have to drop me off anywhere, i'll just go back to my cell if
that's ok....
Vader: I'll take you.
[They stand by her open cell door]
Vader:
Hey, Leia, I had a great time tonight. Last of the Jedi - (he thumps
his chest)
Leia: Last of the Jedi, man [she
half-heartedly thumps her chest
and tries to
skitter away]
Vader: Oh, Leia, one last thing -
[lightening bolts shoot from
his fingertips]
I'M DARTH VADER, B****!!
Dancing With The Stars:
Darth Vader: I have a job to and that's win this
competition
Subjugated
partner: My former partner, Obi-Wan, once thought as he did.
Darth Vader:
I've learned the steps, modified my costume and taken a leave of
absense
from military duty: I've sacrificed a lot to be here.
Subjugated
partner: I now know the power of the
darkside.
Darth Vader:
So if it means breaking a few rules
and using an old Jedi Mind Trick to get
twinkle toes over here to cooperate, well, then,that's the
chance I have to take.
Subjugated
partner: I MUST obey my master.
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