Disclaimers: All characters belong to all those other people. And all those things belonging to the Nick-at-Nite shows are theirs, not mine. Ditto with Fraggle Rock and that stuff. I don't even own Sailor Chibi Moon.
Ratings: PG-13
Pairings: 3x4, 1x2x5
Warnings: Shounen ai/yaoi, intense silliness, AU, as many sexual references as I could cram in there, and *CROSS-DRESSING*! (That's not a warning; that's a highlight!)
Comments: Duo will attempt to narrate this. He and I are not making any promises on good narration, because between the two of us, we can stay off topic all day. We also change subjects at random times with no warning. What's more, it's *very* early in the morning. Also, I'm using an obnoxious number of notes in this story. I suggest you read the story and then go back when you read the notes. Most of the notes will be self-explanatory, anyway, (not to mention that *none* of them are important to the understanding of the story) so you shouldn't have a problem reading them at the end.

>> = Out-of-story-line interjections/conversation
{} = Actions which for some reason Duo didn't bother to narrate
\\ = Interlude (Good Lord)

Cinderquatre
or
The Fuzzy Slipper

Duo: Once upon a time, there was a beautiful young man who turned the world on with his smile. His name was Mary Tyler Moor-

>>Kitsune-chan: No, it wasn't. It was Quatre.

Duo: Uh, yeah. Right. Quatre's mother had died when he was quite young, but his father loved him dearly. However, his father had to remarry, and shortly after, he too met his untimely demise. Quatre came to live with his cruel stepmother, the schizophrenic Lady Une. He also lived with his two *ugly*, and I mean really hideous, stepsisters, Relena and Catherine.

>>Catherine: I resent that.

Duo: Well, I guess Catherine wasn't so bad, but for these purposes, she will be. Not only were they *ugly*, they were loud, whiny, and Relena had her little heart set on marrying the dashing Prince Heero. She was also under the impression that she was the reincarnation of Cleopatra.
    After many attempts to get into the palace by means of being rolled up in a carpet, she decided to wait for a better chance. She would then try to impress His Royal Thighness.

>>Kitsune-chan: Anou, that's "Highness", Duo... [1]

Duo: That's what I said. Anyway, Prince Heero and his lusty sidekick, Wufei-

>>Kitsune-chan: {mumbles} I thought it was "trusty" sidekick...

Duo: Prince Heero and Chang Wufei, an ambassador from the Han Empire, were organizing a sweet sixteen party for the young Trowa Barton-Lowe. [2]
    Now, Catherine had her eye on Prince Trowa. She thought of him as "her Trowa", and just adored the way his red-brown bangs hid one emerald green eye, and how quiet and stoic he was, blah, blah, blah. But she wasn't the only hormonal teenager in the household who held a torch for Prince Trowa. Young Quatre also had a crush on the silent prince. And *that* is the setting for our little fairy tale...

Relena: "Quatre! Kaaaaataruuuuu! Get up here and clean this mess up!"

Duo: Downstairs, cleaning Relena's last mess, Quatre winced.

>>Duo: By "mess", do you mean that she's incontinent?

>>Kitsune-chan: o.O   

Quatre: "Give me one moment, please!" {mumbles} "At least Catherine isn't here..."

Duo: Catherine entered with a flourish.

Catherine: {enters with a flourish} "You missed a spot."

Quatre: {sweatdrops} "Good afternoon to you too, Catherine-san."

Duo: Just then, the doorbell rang. Catherine ran to answer the door. She opened it to find a man in a banana suit standing outside the door.

Man in a Banana Suit: "Hi, my name is Beverly, my name is Beverly, doo doo! And I have a message for yoooouuuu!"

Duo: So singing, he whipped out a piece of paper and started to dance the "Jiggly Booty" as he sang.

Man in a Banana Suit: "To whom it may concern, stop, Prince Trowa is having a ball, stop, All eligible young women are invited, stop, and young men too if you swing that way, stop, Yours Truly, stop, The Royal House, *sto-o-o-o-op*!" [3]

>>Kitsune-chan: That was *not* part of the script. See if I *ever* give you vanilla latte again!

>>Duo: {sticks his tongue out} Bii-da!

>>Catherine: I don't know. The Banana Man looked kind of like Christian Slater.

>>Kitsune-chan: *NAAAANI*?! {looks closely at the Banana Man}

>>Banana Man: {inches away nervously}

>>Kitsune-chan: Well, I'll be a monkey's second cousin twice removed! {glomps the Christian Slater look-alike}

>>Wufei: Get back to the story, onna.

Duo: A beautiful young woman in a long dress approached the door, smiling at the Banana Man. Her hair was down and it seemed soft. She exuded a gentle demeanor.

Lady Une: "Mr... Beverly, we're very pleased to get this message! I have two *lovely* daughters who would *love* to attend!"

Quatre: "May I also attend? I would love to see the festivities..."

>>Duo: {snorts} He's not thinking of festivities! He's thinking of seeing Trowa! Without any cloth- Urk!

>>Quatre: {removes the mallet from Duo's forehead sweetly and blushes}

Duo: Instantly, Lady Une's hair flew into tight buns at the nape of her neck, her long dress became a military uniform, and she held a gun in her hands.

Lady Une: {chasing Quatre} "How dare you suggest such a thing?! You are a filthy servant! I will not let you dishonor my household by showing your sooty face at the ball!"

Duo: The Banana Man was now deeply traumatized and ran off to become a stunt double for Christian Slater in the fair land of Hollywood.

>>Kitsune-chan and Catherine: {leer} Will he do the naughty scenes too?

>>Banana Man: {runs faster}

Catherine: {picks up the dropped invitation} "Hmm... March 15th? I need to get a dress by then!"

Relena: {pops up out of nowhere} "The Ides of March!! Beware the Ides of March, my dear Caesar!! Um, I mean, my dear Heero!!"

>>Everyone, including Relena: {sweatdrops}

Duo: Weird bimbo... Anyway, the night of the ball soon arrived.

Catherine: "This green silk is simply lovely... The color of Trowa's eyes..."

Relena: {sniffs} "I prefer my pink dress..."

Duo: And pink it was. A pink knee-length skirt billowed from a pink bodice to show the white bloomers beneath. Large white bows adorned the pink belt of the dress and hung from the pink puffed sleeves. She had pink locks of hair tied into her real hair. Her ensemble was a bit of Cherry Merry Muffin, a bit of Barbie, and a lot of tacky. It was truly a horrible confection of a dress. She loved it. We are not surprised.

Lady Une: "You look... lovely, girls. You must hurry up or we shall be late to the ball! I hear King Treize will be there..."

Duo: So poor little Quatre watched the three gaudily dressed women enter their carriage and set off for the ball. Tears filled his eyes and his heart broke at his inability to attend the ball.

Quatre: "Actually, it's nice to have some time to myself. I think I'll play some 'Parcheesi' with the kitchen rats." [4]

Duo: You are *not* supposed to be playing 'Parcheesi'!

Quatre: "How about some 'Clue' then?" [5]

Duo: No, no, no! If you're not upset, then I can't help you, and then you can't go to the ball! And *then* the story can't go on!

Quatre: "I don't want to sit here and cry! You are *not* going to make me cry!"

Duo: {sighs a huge sigh} It's really too bad... Prince Trowa was going to do a striptease for all the guests, too...

Quatre: {bawls loudly}

Duo: Much better. Now, sweet young Quatre did not know that his secret wishes to go to the ball were heard by the loveliest of fairy godmothers. A handsome young man with a long, thick, silky braid and a full ensemble of black leotard, black tutu, black wings, and Mickey Mouse ears entered the scene. [6]

>>Kitsune-chan: Anou... Duo?

>>Duo: Nani?

>>Kitsune-chan: The Mickey Mouse ears were a prop from a different fic...

>>Duo: I liked 'em. I kept 'em.

>>Kitsune-chan: Toh-may-toh, toh-mah-toh. Continue the story. [7]

Fairy Duo: "Quatre dear, why are you crying?"

Quatre: "Because I can't go to the ball!"

Fairy Duo: "Why can't you go to the ball?"

Quatre: "My wicked stepmother won't let me! And even if I were allowed, all the dress clothes we have are women's clothing! Who are you?"

Fairy Duo: "Why, I am your fairy godmother!"

Quatre: {looks pointedly at Duo's flat chest} "Fairy godmother, indeed... I didn't know I had a fairy godmother."

Fairy Duo: "I knew your parents quite well! As a matter of fact, all three of us would get together and take turns tying each other up, while one of us would put the whipped cream on-"

Quatre: "I don't want to hear this."

Fairy Duo: {coughs} "I can make it so that you can go to the ball!"

Duo: Quatre clasped his darling little hands together and looked at his fairy godmother with his darling blue eyes.

Quatre: "You can?"

Fairy Duo: "Yes! With a wiggle of my nose, I can fully dress you in formal attire and provide extravagant transportation for you!"

>>Kitsune-chan: You don't wiggle your nose, Duo-kun. Samantha from "Bewitched" already copyrighted that.

>>Duo: {looks thoughtful} Oh...

Fairy Duo: "Yes! With a fold of my arms and a nod of my head, I can fully dress you in formal attire and provide extravagant transportation for you!"

>>Kitsune-chan: No go. That's Jeannie's from "I Dream of Jeannie."

>>Duo: Grr... I have one last idea!

Fairy Duo: "Yes! With a wave of my wand, I can fully dress you in formal attire and provide extravagant transportation for you!"

Fairy Duo: {whips out a pink kaleidoscope} "Pink Sugar Heart Attack!"

>>Kitsune-chan: Nope, sorry. Chibi Moon already did it.

>>Duo: Yaaah! What's left?!

>>Kitsune-chan: Well, it's just an idea, but you could sing a corny song with the words "Bibbity bobbity boo."

>>Duo: That is the stupidest thing I ever heard.

Fairy Duo: "BIBBITY BOBBITY BOOOOOOO!"

Duo: Lightning crashed and thunder boomed.

Quatre: {claps politely at the array of magic} "That was wonderful, Fairy-san. But wasn't something supposed to happen?"

Fairy Duo: {looks severely peeved} "I'm getting to that! Hold your horses!"

>>Duo: You missed your cue!

>>Kitsune-chan: *SNONK!* Wha-what?! Oh! Sorry! {waves her hand sleepily}

Duo: And Quatre was dressed in the finest of finery in his embroidered jacket and elegant dress slacks! A beautiful coach with footmen stood beside the well-dressed young man!

Quatre: "Something's not quite right..."

Duo: ... Quatre was dressed in a lovely dress of pale blue chiffon with a darker blue tulle overskirt... And he wore a pair of fuzzy bunny slippers in the same shade of blue... And next to him was a pick-up truck, once more in the light blue. A redneck sat in the driver's seat. He wore brown.

>>Duo: This is not funny. This is sad.

>>Kitsune-chan: {snores softly and rolls over}

Quatre: {eyes fill with tears} "This is embarrassing! How can I show myself in front of Trowa like this?"

Fairy Duo: {checks his watch and speaks hurriedly} "Well maybe he's into that sort of thing."

Quatre: {concentrates on Duo, his fists clenched by his face} "Burst into flame.... Burst into flame..."

Fairy Duo: "It's too late to go back and change everything anyway. Have fun at the ball! And don't forget; *BE* *BACK* *BY* *TWELVE* *MIDNIGHT*!"

Duo: Reluctantly, Quatre got into the passenger seat of his elegant pick-up and left for the ball. The beautiful fairy said the magic words once more and he was wearing a black Flamenco dress. He wore long black gloves, black stilettos, and a partygoer's gaudy eye mask. He also still wore the Mickey Mouse ears. He was dressed to kill.
    Meanwhile, Quatre had arrived at the ball! He entered, and everyone stared at him as he did, including Prince Trowa.

Quatre: {mutters} "I'd rather be playing 'Parcheesi'..."

Party extra #1: "Hey... isn't that a boy?"

Party extra #2: "Oh my..."

Duo: Prince Trowa was lost in the lovely vision before him. Everything he could ever want was shining in those cerulean blue eyes...

Wufei: "-rowa? Troooowa? Are you even listening to me?"

Trowa: "...."

Wufei: {mumbles} "Injustice... He pays more attention to a blonde cross-dresser than to me!"

Duo: But it was too late for 'Fei-koi to get Trowa's attention. The two boys' eyes had already met.

>>Kitsune-chan: I think that in a proper narrative the detached narrator shouldn't refer to one of the characters as his lover.

>>Wufei: Why not?

>>Kitsune-chan: Proceed.