I Want You More Then Anything-part 4-by masamune

(Quatre’s POV)

I doubt you can imagine what I’ve been through lately. It’s been a month of pain and suffering and bewilderment for me. I don’t even know how I ended up here on a rainy day on a pier holding a gun at Heero Yuy. It confuses me to no end. The rain seems to have picked up a bit. Heero turns to me, Trowa already having seen me emerge from the shadows.

"Get out of here Quatre," Heero says harshly to me, like a parent telling her daughter to stay away from the hot stove, "What are you doing here anyway?"

It’s obvious that I’ve annoyed him, gotten in his way. Heero’s always thought of me as inferior, like most people in my lives. During the war he often looked upon me as the weak, gentle, helpless one. At least that’s the way I’ve always felt. I stiffen the hold on my pistol, being the heir of the Winner fortune you need some protection now and then.

"You were going to kill Trowa weren’t you Heero?" Still it baffles me, Trowa always appeared to get along so well with Heero. I don’t care what’s going on. I don’t care if Trowa ran out on me a month ago, I’m still going to help him as much as I can. "Well I won’t let you Heero!" I try to make my voice calm and serious but of course it just ends up cracking, showing my fear which is consuming me as rapidly as the rain falls.

"Tell me Quatre," Heero lowers his gun and Trowa directly follows suit, a bizarre look on both their faces. Trowa won’t even make eye contact with me, but Heero does and asks, "If I were to kill Trowa right now, would you then come back and in vengeance kill me?"

The look in his eyes, the sadness is overwhelming, it can’t be true, and Trowa couldn’t have killed Duo. I know what I saw on the news. The sketch of the murderer was an exact match to Trowa but, but it couldn’t have been. Please God don’t let it have been him.

"Well would you?" There’s anger and fury in Heero’s voice. But still the faint undertone of sadness, emptiness. Then he shook his head, not wanting to draw me into the mess that was unfolding. "Listen to me Quatre. I don’t care how you feel. As cold as it may sound I don’t. I don’t care about anything but Duo anymore. And I can’t rest until he pays with his life."

Trowa couldn’t have killed Duo. Why? Why would he? He always seemed to get along fine with him; he never mentioned anything or made it sound like he was upset at Duo for anything. Shimatta, I just can’t figure out why. "Trowa…" I sigh, looking at him and he finally makes eye contact.

"I know you’re confused so I’ll tell you what’s going on Quatre," he says, his voice dead, not an emotion to be observed. Didn’t I help any to crack that heartless mask of yours Trowa? "You were always very kind to me and I don’t not repay such things. But unfortunately it may be bad news."

"Kisama shuttup!" Heero yells, suddenly raising his gun again. My own shakes slightly in my hands as I almost squeeze the trigger. But something tells me that Heero won’t shoot, yet.

"Onegai Heero koi," Trowa whispers and my world flips upside down for the third time today. The first, reading the note in Heero’s unlocked apartment bedroom and the second finding two of the closest friends I’ve ever had pointing guns at each other on a pier dock. "Please let me finish, its not Quatre’s fault that he doesn’t understand what’s going on."

Heero wretches and somehow I begin to grasp what’s going on. Shimatta Trowa, I still love you, please don’t break my heart again.

Trowa turns his attention back towards me and his eyes are dead and cold, beautiful, but dead. "Quatre I’ll be very to the point on this because it’s starting to get cold." And the next words fell like a bombshell and again my heart shattered under the words from this emerald-eyed man I love.

"I never loved you," There, just like that. Does he even know how much it hurts? Does he know how hard I’m trying right now to not break down into tears and drown in them? Is his mask just not reflecting any emotions he might have, buried deep in his secret heart? Or is it just dead there too?

"I love Heero. I’m truly very sorry if this hurts to hear but it’s the truth and no matter what you’ve been a gift in my life. But I want Heero more then anything else in the world, and I won’t let you stop me. No Quatre, I’m not going to kill you like I did Duo. But please just walk away if you want to live."

Good God, he did kill Duo. Why? To get Heero? What about me? Is that it? Is that the love for Heero the only emotion you harbor inside your whole being? Didn’t all that time we spent during and after the war together mean anything to you? Or was it just a distraction?

"You are an incredible person Quatre and you really deserve the love of a person. Honestly I’ve never met a person with as gentle a soul as yours. But the time we spent doesn’t mean anything to me, it really doesn’t."

I can’t believe these words. I don’t want to. Right now I’m cowering inside of my head, thinking that I’ll wake up from this terribly dream soon. I’m just like a little kid. Shimatta Trowa, didn’t I mean anything to you?

My gun falls to the ground, making an almost silent clack as it strikes the pier. Tears form and sting in my eyes, but the worst pain is the one I feel in my heart. My shoulders begin to shake and I can’t stop a few unprecedented tears from rolling down my face. I’m faintly aware of Trowa turning away from me and saying something to Heero. And then a gunshot cried out, my head snapped up to see Trowa grasp at his chest. He stood for a minute and gave a weak smile and then with a dull thud landed on the wet pier. And then the only sound was the rain.

-end part 4