| Mother Taught Me... |
| My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done - "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." My mother taught me religion - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." My mother taught me about time travel - "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" My mother taught me logic - "Because I said so, that's why." My Mother taught me logic #2 - "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." My mother taught me foresight - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." My mother taught me irony - "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about." My mother taught me about the science of osmosis - "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!" My mother taught me about contortionism - "Will you "look" at the dirt on the back of your neck!" My mother taught me about stamina - "You'll sit there until all that spinach is finished." My mother taught me about weather - "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room." My mother taught me how to solve physics problems - "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen THEN?" My mother taught me about hypocrisy - "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!" My mother taught me about the circle of life - "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." My mother taught me about behavior modification - "Stop acting like your father!" My mother taught me about envy - "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!" My Mother taught me about anticipation - "Just wait until we get home." My Mother taught me about receiving - "You are going to get it when we get home!" My Mother taught me medical science - "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way." My Mother taught me to think ahead - "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job." My Mother taught me esp - "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?" My Mother taught me humor - "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." My Mother taught me how to become an adult - "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." My Mother taught me about genetics - "You're just like your father." My Mother taught me about my roots - "Do you think you were born in a barn?" My Mother taught me about the wisdom of age - "When you get to be my age, you will understand." and finally, My Mother taught me about justice - "One day you'll have kids ....and I hope they turn out just like you!" |