| I was sitting on your couch, with my legs curled up underneath me, listening to the sound of some dead opera singer on the radio. I was waiting for you to come back from wherever you had gone. You always gave me too much time to think. Suddenly so many thoughts came rushing through my veins and into my head. I wish you would stop telling me I'm beautiful. And stop telling me I'm your greatest comfort, when I'm really just a source of all your pain. Stop telling me I'm not bad when I'm not good. stop making me feel like I can mean something to someone when I can't even mean anything to you. You don't have to lie to me. I can take the truth, because I wait for it anyway, I braced myself from the beginning of this bitter relationship for the day that you'll turn to me and tell me I'm not what you want or expected. I am always in wait of the day that you tell me you don't really love me. At night when you touch me with your hands, holding my hand in yours and stroking the tops of my fingers, I'm waiting. When you stroke my cheek with the tips of your fingers and push the hair back away from my face for that kiss that won't end, I'm waiting. When you watch me with your eyes so intently that I have to look away so I won't start to smile, I'm waiting. I wish you would just tell me now and stop it from hurting later. Just tell me that I'm your good deed, that you're taking care of my hopeless self to make yourself look better. I'm already bitter as is. What more could you do? And as I see your mouth open and I place the words I'm waiting to hear in your mouth I want you to stop. I pull you close and I start to cry. Because I really do care. I want to stop being bitter with you. I want to wait for you to make me better, and I want to wait for you to fix me. I want to wait for my heart to tell me that I should give it all away to you, that you would take care of something so fragile yet used so callously. I want to wait for you to place my heart into a safe place, in a secret box that you keep upon your dresser. Where you can care for it and I can be happy. I want to wait... Will I always be waiting? The End |
| I'm Always Waiting by: V |