bitter

I looked down at you from my kneeling position beside you.

Perfection.

I watched you as you slept, on your stomach with your face to the side.

I smiled.

I touched the welts I made on your back with my nails. Raised skin and angry red.

I smiled wider and bent forward, running my tongue along one of the angrier ones.

You moved and moaned in your sleep.

Why are you with me sweetheart?

You like my fucked up broken bits?

Or am I your good deed?

I touched the small of your back, playing with the skin there.

Do you think that you can fix me?

Or do you just like that taste of something worse off than you?

You like me used darling?

You like the taste of other men and women on me and in me and around me?

I lightly scratched you.

I smirked as I remembered the things you tell me. The "I care for you"s and the "I want you"s. Do you really mean any of that or are you just pretending?

Do you even understand who I am?

I bet you don't.

I pressed my nails into your back. You groaned.

I bet you think I'm something other than what I truly am.

You see me as cute and innocent. As something pure yet torn.

You think you can make me feel better with your soft words and your soft hands?

Like your soft mouth will mend me?

I shuddered, a chill running through my spine, pricking my back.

You sighed and turned.

I think I enjoy being your victim.

Being the guinea pig to what you want to show.

I think I love you.

Even though deep down I'm scared to let you in.

I bent over and pressed a kiss to your side.

I feel horrible needing you the way that I do.

It feels like dirt and grime crawling into me, this need. I'm scared of what I feel. Of how much I want you to be mine and only mine for as long as I can have you.

Does this make me selfish?

I pressed my hand to your cheek.

I think I'm far too desperate.

I wish you would ask me what it feels like.

I'd tell you so many things.

Of how scared I am of loving you. Of letting you love me back.

But I'll hide it under my guise of bitterness and tricks.

You wouldn't be able to tell anyway would you, love?

I shook you awake, smiling at your sleepy mumble.

I touched the inside of your thigh.

You smiled sleepily with lust.

I guess I'll keep doing what I'm doing.

Fucking everything away.

The End

Bitter Contemplation - The Only Kind I Know
by: V (your number one whore)