| I opened my eyes, my hands pressed against my cheek and pressed against the backseat of the car. It was dark outside, and every so often a streetlight would brighten the interior of the car. I could see your hands on the steering wheel and I could see your lips move as they sang along with the song that was playing softly on the radio. I curled my legs higher into me on the seat and watched your fingers tap a rhythm out onto the wheel. I couldn't quite remember where we were going. I could remember the quick decision to leave, to get into your car and drive on and on. You always liked my spontaneous ideas. No matter how stupid they seemed. I closed my eyes and tried to hear the voice coming from the speakers, but you were singing from memory and the sound was turned so low. Suddenly overwhelmed with memories of all the people that we had left behind, I choked on tears that were crawling up my throat. Why were you here? In the deepest part of my heart, I knew that it would ultimately make you unhappy to have made this rash decision. But I couldn't bring myself to tell you so, because I was insanely afraid of being left alone, like I knew I would be either way. But there was hope that if I could drag at least one person down with me, that I would be ok. That maybe you would become oblivious to the hell that was waiting for us whereever we ended up at. "You ok?" I struggled to swallow the shut up that was coming out. I waved my hand and I could feel the self-concious and worried look in your eyes as you watched me in the mirror. You were going to hate me soon. And I don't think I'm ready for you to stop loving me yet. I opened my eyes and watched you as you looked out the window, the car stopped at a stoplight. The red illuminated your face. Your innocent, naive, fucking dumb face. I started to cry then. Covering my face into my hands. Hot tears that slid sideways down my face. Why do you love me? Why are you going to hate me? These thoughts plague me constantly, making me sick with worry and fear and something akin to disgust towards myself for keeping you near me. I sat up and unbuckled my seatbelt. I leaned against the back of the driver's seat and reached over to touch your hair. You smiled. I cried some more. You kissed my fingertips and I wanted to die. I reached a little closer and grabbed the wheel. I'll keep you in love with me forever. The End. |
| My Ride With You by: V |