| There was the distinct smell of coffee and sex when I woke up, I heard you in the other room, moving about in the kitchen. It was then that I knew that you were not for me. There was something about you that I could not handle. Something about you that I did not deserve to touch and hold. I rolled onto my back, squinting up at the spot on the ceiling from where the apartment above had had a water leak. You were too good. Too much in need of something that I cannot give. I loved you. Oh yes, of course I loved you. You knew that and I knew that. And I would always love you, I could never rid that feeling for you in me. But there was some part of me that is unable to understand what you need of me. I could ask you, over and over what you need, what you want, how you feel, and never ever be able to find any of that out myself. I am too selfish for you, too into myself and my feelings to ever let go of me and bring in you. I would love desperately to "get" you. To figure you out and to be able to know what I'm supposed to do when you cry, when you whine, when you want me. But I can't. And as I lie here listening to the sounds of you, I do not believe that you know this. I think that you believe that I care solely about you. And I don't. I will not lie to myself, I don't care just about you. I am too human and to involved with my actions to ever really care what you want or need. I feel as if I use you. I use you to make myself better, to make myself happy, and to make myself satisfied. And you don't know this. You'll never know this. I've abused you so much that you don't even know it. You're blind to my indifference towards you. You think I'm just having a bad day, when in reality I am sick of you and your problems. Oh, but yes, I love you. There is no sarcasm in that, I've always loved you. And as we drift apart eventually, I will always love you. I wonder if you love me back... I hear the sound of a pan hitting the stove top. Silly you. I sat up from the bed and looked around the room. Clothes everywhere. I laughed to myself. Too cute. So blind. It was then that I began to cry. By myself in your room. I love you. I don't want to be this way towards you. I never meant to. The End |
| You and Me by: V (who else?) |
| note: i didn't really like how this story came out, i liked what i was trying to get across, but i feel like it wasn't ready to end yet... |