Man calls home.
Maid answers phone.
He says, "Can I speak to my wife?"
She says, "No, she's upstairs in bed with her boyfriend."
He's maid--says, "Ok, go to the hall closet and take out my
shotgun. Go upstairs and kill them both."
Being the loyal maid, she says, "Ok."
5 minutes later she picks up the phone and says, "Ok,
they're both dead. What should I do with the bodies?"
He says, "Throw them in the pool, and I'll take care of them
when I get home."
She says, "We don't have a pool."
He asks, "Is this 555-1234?"
3 nuns were assigned to paint a room in a church. It was a really hot day and the nuns were getting really hot in those black clothes they wear so they took off all their clothes and went on painting naked. Later they heard a knock on the door....
"Who is it?????",
The man who knocked replied, "I'm the blind man".
So, the nuns decided to let him in since he would not be able to see them. The nuns let him into the room.... The man then looked around the room, then looked at them and said,
"Nice tits sisters, where do you want the blinds??"
One night a burglar is trying to break into a house. He's sneaking across the lawn when he hears a voice -
"Jesus is watching you!"
He jumps, turns around, but he doesn't see anything. So he starts creeping across the lawn again. "Jesus is watching you!"
He hears it again. So now the burglar is really looking around, and he sees a parrot in a cage by the side of the house. He says to the parrot,
"Did you say that?"
The parrot answers "Yes I did."
So the burglar says , "What's your name?"
The parrot says "Clarence." The burglar says "What kind of stupid idiot would name his parrot Clarence?"
The parrot laughs and says,
"The same stupid idiot that named his Rottweiler 'Jesus'
"
An old couple were sitting on the porch one afternoon rocking in their rocking chairs. All the sudden the old man reaches over and slaps his wife.
She says, "Well what was that for?"
He says, "Thats for 40 years of rotten sex!"
She doesn't reply and they start rocking again.
All the sudden the old lady reaches up and slaps her husband.
He says, "Well what was that for?"
She says, "That's for knowing the difference!"
You, and 2 of your friends got killed and were sent to heaven,
where there was only one rule. You could not ever step on the
white bunny rabbit. So, you and 1 of your friends are walking
along and see your other friend making out with this really ugly
person! The 2 of you ask your friend why he/she is making out
with this ugly person. The friend says,
"I stepped on the white bunny rabbit".
Then later, you and your friend that had stepped on the white
bunny rabbit were walking along and saw your other friend making
out with an even wrost looking person!! The 2 of you ask your
friend why he/she is making out with this ugly person. The friend
says,
"I stepped on the white bunny rabbit"
Now, the 2 friends who stepped on the white bunny rabbit are
walking and see YOU making out with this beautiful model! The 2
friends ask you how you managed to get her/him. The model then
turned around and says,
"I stepped on the white bunny rabbit"