St.Peter was checking the gate beween Heaven and Hell and
found a broken hinge. He walked over to the "Pit" and
called to the Devil...The Devil says, "Yeah, whaddya want..?",
St. Peter: "The hinge is broken and it's your turn to fix it.."
.
The Devil retorted: "Gee, I am a bit busy and don't have
anyone available for this.." ,
St. Peter got angry, "Look, we have an agreement, and it's
your turn to fix the gate..!" ,
The Devil responded, "Sorry Pete, it's our peak season and
there just isn't anyone available..."
St. Peter turned red and exclaimed..."Ok, if that's the way
you want it, we'll sue..!"
A big grin broke out on the Devil's face, "Oh yeah, and just
where are you going to find a lawyer...?!"
There was this little girl whose name was Texas and then there was a teenage boy who just recently got out of a Detention Center for murder. It was the kids birthday and for some odd reason his mother got him a knife but told him to be Extra careful with it! Texas had her first day of school she had just moved and when the teacher asked her what her name was, she replied "Texas." Of course the teacher didn't believe her so she sent her home for lying. On her way home she bumped into the boy who had the knife in his hand. He roughly told her that if she didn't tell him her name he would kill her. SHe repilied "my name is Texas." He stabbed her once and ran home. When he walk in the door his mom asked him what he did with his knife today. He told her, "It's deep in the heart of TEXAS!"
Joke #1
Q - Did you hear that Princess Diana was on the radio,.... and
the dashboard,... and the steering wheel,....
Joke #2
Q - What did Pricness Diana say to Dodi Faijed when he presented
her with a multi-thousand dollar ring in the Mercades?
A - "Dodi,... I think that we're moving too fast,..."
Joke #3
Q - How is Princess Diana different from Tiger Woods?
A - Tiger Woods knows how to pick a driver.
A sucessful business man became disenchanted with the stress of the fast life in the big city and decides to chuck it all. He takes his savings and purchases a large ranch in the middle of nowhere in Montana. After a couple of months of enjoying the solitude he hears the drumming of hoofbeats outside his cabin. Grabbing his rifle he challenges the man riding up on the horse. "Hold it neighbor" the man says, " I'm your neighbor, I have a ranch only 6 miles from here, and I want to invite you to a Welcome Party I'm throwing for you next Saturday. There's going to be music, dancing, hugging, kissing, drinking, fighting.... We'll have a great time". Not wanting to be unneighborly the new rancher lowers the rifle and ask's " How should I dress?" " Aw, don't matter" replied the neighbor, " Only gonna be the two of us".
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up
Jack's station-wagon and headed north. After driving for a few
hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a
nearby farmhouse and asked the attractive lady of the house if
they could spend the night.
"I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm
afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Not to worry," Jack said, "we'll be happy to
sleep in the barn."
Nine months later, Jack got a letter from the widow's attorney.
He called up his friend Bob and said, "Bob, do you remember
that good-looking widow at the farm we stayed at?"
"Yes, I do."
"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up
to the house and have sex with her?"
"Yes, I have to admit that I did."
"Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your
name?"
Bob's face turns red and he said, "Yeah, I'm afraid I did."
"Well, thanks! She just died and left me everything!"