Paul reclined and spoke out. "I can't do it, Doctor. It's getting to me. Except for … I met this beautiful, sweet soul. Maria. You know my marriage hasn't been blessed. That's the expression, isn't it? My wife's been telling me that she doesn't love me. That we are … too different. But Maria, that's her name, really seems to. At least, that's how it feels. I hope I'm not wrong. Who knows? Do you think I'm just on the rebound? What do I do? Err … I really can't smoke here, right? OK. Can I have some water, then? Thanks. Anyway … Maria and I have started this … thing … you know … a relationship. Really nice. Stupid word, that. A relationship. It says nothing. Words always mess us up. Neanderthal man must have been happier. Actually, I'm happier than I've been for years. All my life, in fact. It's been a shitty life. It shouldn't have started. Talk about a relationship, though. We work in the same place. It's cloak and dagger stuff. We meet in secret at night. I drive home at incredible speed and hours. Maria gets stressed out. She cries more more often. I'm afraid she'll dump me. What's in it for her? Hanging out with an old fart who's 10 years her senior, creeks in the joints, grows ulcers for breakfast. Kids ... What do I do? The moron even had appendicitis last year. Fancy that. Look. I have here the copy of a message she sent me when I was abroad last week. Listen to this part. 'I love you to bits. You know I do and, when back, I will whisper in your ear the endless reasons why I do. In the meantime, you take it easy my sweet darling. Get some rest and when it gets to be too much, just think of my arms. More love.' Isn't that the sweetest thing? I couldn't last without that. Doctor. I'll be back tomorrow then? Next week, is it? Jesus. Won't last till then. Something's got to happen. 'Love in small doses titillates but it feeds off the heart.' Who the hell said that? I really love Maria. You know. Why am I talking to you when I should be talking to her then?"
All right, sweetie. Did you like that? Just a little piece of my heart, for you. I would like nothing more than to hold you. Now. Paul (April 2003)
Copyright ©2003 Olivier Serrat |
