| Tales of Escapism |
| "We're on a mission from God" - Elwood Blues |
| Well I guess you could say that 1996 was truely a year of firsts for me: my first real beer, my first time in a strip club, and... my first experience running from the police! Probably wasn't the best n' brightest thing to do. Now, as I've said before, the first time I do something doesn't necessarily mean it's going to be the last time. So go make yourself some popcorn because below are my Tales of Escapism from the law (that I'm willing to admit to), spanning from 1996-1998, respectively. Just remember to keep one thing in mind as you're reading this folks: "All suspects are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law". |
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| #1 - Winter of '96 - The Vandals of High Park Once upon a time on a mild winter day, myself, my buddy and my brother decided it would be a great idea to have some fun in the sun and snow at High Park. We entered on foot via the streetcar loop and proceeded into the park. Right then and there we found a fairly large puddle which had frozen over. We immedietly began sliding across the ice surface head-first on our bellies, and even sometimes on our feet. This began to grow old quickly though. Right beside the iced-over puddle, however, was a wooden snow fence, with Parkside Dr. just beyond it. We proceeded to break down the fence and use the sharp wood pieces as stakes to stab into the ice for kicks (teenage rage, what can I say?). Five minutes into our debauchery we were interrupted by a police scout car coming to a skidding hault on Parkside Dr. with its roof lights on and the nice officer yelling at us "DON'T MOVE!". We all looked at eachother and it was unanimously decided through eye-contact that we needed to move! We booked it down a massive wooded slope, each of us taking a different path deeper into the park. I knew my way through the paths of High Park and was confident that I could get away. As I was running downhill, branches and shrubs were hitting me all over. I looked back as I was running and saw the officer at the top of the hill looking all around for us. The realization that he had been defeated was beginning to sink in. Victory was at hand! As I was running I turned my head to look forward again and tripped over a large dead branch and began tumbling down the hill. I came to rest under a bush in the fetal position and decided that this would be a good place to stop and hide out for now, for two reasons: I was out of breath, and "Mother Fuck! That fall hurt like hell!". When I could no longer see the officer I slowly got up and met up with the other two fugitives, where we each shared our stories of survival! #2 - Fall of '97 - Showdown at the Downtown Hotbox At this time in my life I lost an estimated 6.9 billion braincells as a result of marijuana experimentation seven to eight times a day. Among my list of favourite places to experiment was downtown T.O., second to High Park, of course. It was a weekend, I wasn't working and neither was my buddy. So naturally we made the short trek to Bloor and Lansdowne on foot to visit "Pops"; our favourite dealer in the GTA. After that it was onto the TTC for the ride into the heart of T.O. We got downtown and began our wanderings. We found this interesting 20-25 storey apartment building which was elevated 1 storey above the ground by concrete pillars and walls. The West wall had an underground parking garage entrance, while the East wall had a door on it which lead into a stairwell. Essentially there was a 9ft. "gap" between street level and the 1st storey of the building. It was pretty cool. So we went into this "gap", found a shady corner, and lit up the doobie-snack! As we were smoking we realized that this "gap" was actually a pedestrian walkway covered by the apartment building! Several people started walking past us, so we decided to re-locate to beside the parking garage entrance and resumed smoking. I was looking around as my buddy was taking a pull and noticed a car in an alley way across the street to the North of us with two occupants in it, and they were staring right at us. Upon closer observation the car had "Security" written on it. I alerted my buddy and we walked quickly to the other end of the walkway and continued to smoke away. About a minute later a police scout car pulled up and parked on the street South of us. We looked North and saw the two security guards getting out of their car, then quickly looked South and saw the police officer getting out of his car. We were surrounded! Paranoid and panic-stricken we made a dash for the stairwell door. Luckily the door was unlocked and we made our way down to the bottom of the poorly lit, cramped, concrete stairwell. It went about 4 storeys below ground, so that's where we were when we heard the door above us open. We could hear some talking but it was muffled. The door then closed. It was quiet for several minutes and that's when we decided it was time to toke like mad-men and get the hell outta here! We both finished the J, we both were extremely high, and we both decided it was time to make a run for it. We peeked out of the stairwell door and saw that the security car was still there, but there was no sign of the police scout car.The odds of surviving this without a criminal record were now better. We booted the stairwell door open and ran until we couldn't run anymore. Our sprint took us several blocks North to Bay and Bloor where we decided to lay low at the Varcity and catch a flick. #3 - Winter of '98 - The Mississauga Mile I was tired, hungover, and late for an exam. The posted speed limit in the Community Saftey Zone read 40 km/h; I was travelling at approximately 90 km/h. The weather was sloppy, but this was no time to put personal safety and the safety of others first - I had to get to school on time. I was approaching a stop sign ahead at high speed but applied the brakes at just the right moment so I could come to a skidding stop right at the white line. As I was skidding down the street I caught a glimpse of a person standing to the right of the road, behind a tree. While at the 3-way stop sign I looked to the left and saw what appeared to be an unmarked police interceptor. I was stopped for barely a second before I accelerated away; tires spinning and slush flying... "I need to get to school!". As I was peeling away I glanced in my rear-view mirror and noticed a police officer running across the street towards the parked police interceptor with a lazer gun and tripod in hand. "I'm fucked!" I said to myself, so I kicked the accelerator anyways and within a couple of seconds I was back up to 90 km/h. I couldn't afford to get pulled-over! I approached a bend in the road, turned the wheel and let the momentum glide me around the bend. Just as I was turning I could see the police interceptor in my mirror, turning out of the street and coming in my direction with its emergency lights on. I accelerated out of the bend, tires spinning, and continued towards the school parking lot. I was approaching another stop sign... no time to stop... so through it I went. Immediately thereafter I fish-tailed into the parking lot where I found a space as far away from the road as possible. I shut off the lights and ignition, and layed down in my car in hopes that the officer would not notice me as he drove past. Several minutes had past and there was still no sign of the police officer. So I got up, got my books, and ran like a mother to class! The final result: still 4 minutes late, but I avoided getting myself a couple of tickets and a summons. Oh, sweet sweet irony! |
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