AX on OG's Women

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MARIAH...Certainly made a good first impression on me. I came over to her house, and as soon as I was out of the car, she ran over and gave me a big hug. Why? Because Santiago was very important to her, and as such, being his best friend, so was I. It made me feel good that she cared. We all know what it's like when our significant other hates all our friends. Even though I thought she was too young for him, Mariah won me over. I supported the relationship, and even hung out with her once when Santiago was at work. However, as time went on, it was clear that things just weren't meant to last. Honestly, after the first 2 break-ups, I pretty much stopped liking her all together. I saw a lot of things in her that (unfortunately) reminded me of a girl I once dated, and it tore me up to watch Santiago have to go through the same thing I did. She was whiny, insecure, and totally not ready for the kind of relationship that Santiago wanted. I hope she regrets the way she treated him, because the bottom line is it just wasn't fair. On a positive note, Mariah did eventually get her life together and start over. I wish her the best, and hope that she learned from what she did.

MARJORIE...One summer day in '94, I woke up in the Hall family's lake house in Helen, GA. Some of us had come up there the night before and hung out with Marge & her sister. Anyway, her parents told me they not only knew who I was, but knew my brother and my mom. Apparently, my mom had worked at the nursery school when Marge was little. It was weird. However, it was even weirder when, 5 years later, Santiago ended up dating her for a brief time. I'm sorry, Marge..as much as I like you, you're just always going to seem strange to me. Anyone who knows her will agree. She's so different from anyone I've ever known. Hard to describe, really. Definitely not a good match for Santiago, though.

KRIS...Was the best thing about my senior year (well, besides dating Julie). She didn't know who I was, nor did she know any of my friends. Kris (drum roll please) appreciated my poetry and writing style. She read my books every day at school, writing me letters on how great she thought they were. I even let her copy a few of her own into one. A very cool person. She believed in me and made me feel important. The things I said really mattered to her. When she saw some pictures of our band EVERGREEN, however, she immediately paused on Santiago's photo. Next thing I knew, they were dating. This one is OG's ego-booster, because Kris was into girls at that time. See, grow your hair long, and the lesbians think you ARE a girl!

SHARON...I think Sharon was the best girl Santiago ever dated. She was nice, sensible, and mature. Yet she had a great sense of humor, and was very easy to get along with. Circumstances just weren't in their favor back in high school, and the relationship never had a chance to really get off the ground the way it should have. Years later, we ran into her again. She'd become sorta different, like someone who's been made crazy by bad men. It was sad, and that's not the end. She was in an abusive relationship, and ended up marrying the guy. I hope one day Sharon can get some peace in her life. The girl deserves a happy ending to her story.

LISA...Was a sweet cheerleader who first dated my younger brother David. Don't know what happened there, but it ended. Sometime later, she and Santiago hooked up. Don't know what happened there, but it ended. Sometime later, she came out and started living the lesbian lifestyle. Somehow, through it all, she remained cool as beans with me. The appearance changed, but her sweet personality stayed. I will always consider her a friend, she's been great since day one. I heard she moved out west somewhere, hopefully she's found some people as cool as us there. Well, possible, but not bloody likely!

CASIE...Memory fails as to how we met this girl, but somehow we convinced her to let EVERGREEN practice in her basement. Dan & Santiago both developed a "thing" for her, but I instructed them not to ask her out. Inevitably they'd break up, and we'd lose a good rehearsal spot. Damn you, Santiago! You broke the rule! Yes, it was unfortunate, and yes, we did lose our practice space. However, Santiago wrote a cool tune about her called Born To Please. A while later, Casie befriended Zada..my horrible ex-girlfriend. Since they both were psychos, they hit it off. I'll never forget the time I came over to Zada's and found the two of them dressed exactly alike, both acting like annoying bitches. Casie rubbed off on Z in the worst way, only complicating the relationship further. Once when Zada & I were in a parking lot, fighting in my car, Casie locked the doors from the inside and said we couldn't get out until we made up. Finally, she unlocked the doors when Zada became so enraged that she thought I may very well be killed otherwise. Too little too late.

DEVA...Of all these girls, Deva's the one I'll probably never forget. What sets her apart from the others is that I was friends with her before, during, and after her relationship with Santiago. When she first moved to our town, we had a lot in common. Hell, we even dressed alike. Instantly we got along, but the fun didn't last more than a few weeks. She wanted to date, and I didn't. Just wasn't my type. But I also must take credit for getting her together with Santiago. I was dating one of her close friends, and the four of us had a sleep-over one night at my girlfriend's dad's place (no, he wasn't home). We went off to do whatever, leaving Deva and Santiago alone in a bedroom. No idea what happened, but they ended up dating a long time and got pretty serious. Deva changed a lot after she and I quit hanging out regularly, and I never understood her after that. She got into drugs and stuff. Hung out with the kind of kids we hated. But, she definitely left her impression on our group before finally moving away.

LIZ...You could safely say that this was Santiago's first real relationship. I thought they were a great little couple. Although I'd known Liz since grade school, she never said much and we never really were friends. I'd see her around the neighborhood and stuff, but we didn't hang out. Liz was cool in that quiet, reserved kind of way. All you had to do was speak to her, and you'd know she had just as twisted a sense of humor as the rest of us. It means a lot that she considers me a good person now, because I always felt she was one too. Thanks for laughing at my jokes, man. Hope you're out there having a good time.

MICHELLE...I didn't remember this girl until Santiago brought her up in a recent conversation. She's one of the first girlfriends I remember him having. It was in 7th grade, and the two of them used to hang out in the mornings before school. They'd sit in the dugout by the baseball diamond, trying not to get caught by security. He claims I called her "Two By Four", which was a crack at her shapeless flat body. To be honest, I called most girls that same thing. Skinny sucks!

...OG's Two Cents

Well, Andrew's opinions on MARIAH were a lot nicer than I thought they'd be. To be completely honest, I have to say that what Zada was to Andrew, Mariah was to me. Our first 6 months were great, but the rest of it left me stripped of my faith in humanity. I know that sounds extreme, but it's not a lie. I lost a lot of my life (and my cat) during the last half of that ordeal, and I'm usually of the opinion that time kicks gold's ass in the value department. The relationship turned me into a waste of space. A hypocrite. A cypher in the fullest sense. But I got out, and I still thank whatever higher power exists in this universe for that. I swore to stay away from relationships for at least a year or two after it was over, but then the funniest thing happened. Stop me if you've heard this one:
I found my soulmate......

About MARJORIE....Well, let's just say that those were definitely the two most interesting months of that year. Marjorie and I hooking up was something no one really expected, but it happened, and I really don't have much to complain about. Marjorie's one of the most amazing people I know....Smart as a whip, witty, and eccentric in that "closet genius" sort of way. She was truly in love with her work, however, and that was something I couldn't dream of competing against. So it fell apart in that gentle, no-hard-feelings kind of way that few of us are lucky enough to go through. We're still on great terms, and I know she'll go on to accomplish some amazing things in the future. Let's just hope SOMEONE out there can make her happy. She deserves it.

KRIS's real name was Brandi, by the way, and she had changed it in order to achieve sexual ambiguity. If I were a typical meatheaded fratboy asshole loser, I'd be running around town screaming: "THIS CHICK WAS A LESBO, BUT ONE NIGHT WITH ME CHANGED HER MIND!!! HAR! HAR! HAR!". But I'm NOT...so I WON'T. Seriously, though. Kris was a sweet girl, and I hope she's rocking out somewhere with a girl on one arm, and a guy on the other.....

SHARON was truly my first taste of how sweet a girl could be. We dated in High School, and she was an amazing presence in my life. How cool was she, you ask? Well, one time I had the flu for a week straight and she spent every day of it at my place, reading to me and bringing food, videos, and even toys to keep me entertained. She even (drumroll please) cleaned up my vomit after I puked for the 100th time. Gross? Yes. But it was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me at the time. As for how much she's changed...I'm not even going to get into it. It's too depressing.

LISA was also a sweetie, but when we decided to date our relationship had become too fraternal for us to survive as a couple. She was like a little sister to me, and I couldn't do the boyfriend thing without feeling guilty about certain things. She wanted to lose her virginity to me, but I couldn't bring myself to grant her that wish. We were too young, and I hope she'll appreciate it in the long run. After we broke up, she became a lesbian. Was it because of me? Who knows? Either way, she'll always be in my heart as a great friend, and the only Cross Keys cheerleader that I could stand.

Okay..so dating CASIE eventually led to us losing that practice space, but...I...ah...uh...ummm.....errrrrrrr. I have no excuse. It was your typical high school relationship, and it didn't last very long. We just weren't cut from the same cloth, so to speak. And as for Chris and Dan (who courted her before I came along..unsuccessfully)...well, boys...you just can't beat the MAN. (Just kidding, of course). As for Casie, last I heard she was taking classes at Emory and doing great. I know most guys aren't supposed to wish their ex's well, but (to quote the late, great Michael Jackson) "I'm not like other guys..."

DEVA was my first and only excursion into the whole "opposites attract" theory. She was a pot-smoking vegetarian. I was (at the time) an anti-drug punk rocker. (Will they get along?? Check out the brand new sitcom: "When Bongs Collide!") When we hooked up it drove the school crazy, and we became the Romeo and Juliet of the culture gap. It lasted a good while, and we had some good times, but I bailed as soon as it started becoming mentally abusive. Why didn't I do the same later on, you ask, with all the other abusive relationships I got into? I don't know. I'm a moron. Don't ask.....

LIZ was one of the sweetest girls I ever dated, and we still keep in contact (through email). But there's one thing that I have to say about this relationship: It's the first and only one in which I was dumped because I was too NICE. That's all I'll say, and I'll respect Liz's reasons. It's all forgiven though, and I hope she ends up with a great guy. After everything she's been through, it's simply a matter of justice. You've still got family here, Liz. I'll be a brother to you whenever you need one.

MICHELLE and I, down in the Sequoyah Junior High dugout at 6:30 am on Monday morning. Mr. Hood, the 500 pound security guard, catching us in the middle of a makeout session:
"What are you two doing?" The fat fucker asks.
"Uh...watching the game, sir." is my reply.
2 days of detention for both of us.
Ahhhhh...High School.
But I digress....Michelle was my first "real" girlfriend (meaning we did more than hold hands when no one was looking), and that's pretty much all I remember. I can barely remember her face, but she did teach me how to kiss. So to all the ladies out there that have had the good fortune of experiencing these sensuous Colombian lips, you can thank Michelle by emailing her at MadeHimAMan@Sequoyah.com. Just kidding, of course.

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