A Fanfic by Kuroi Tenshi
Date: 1/11/01
Type: Angst/POV/Deathfic/OCC?
Disclaimer: The cute GW boys do not belong to
me (boo-hoo). This story, however, belongs to me.(smirk!) a nice, clean
disclaimer can be found at the bottom.
Love letters at: K_Tenshi@gundamwing.org
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That afternoon was forever lost behind walls of steel and blood. Locked in the little box that holds all those things that seems hopeless, never to see the light again. But when the sun is setting on an era, and the time to move on is there, all that is left is just that. The buried dreams and memories of the one that once was me, before I became the infamous Heero Yuy.
And I don’t really remember when I stopped being
me and started to function as this person, this identity. All of them: Relena,
Zechs, Treize, Quatre, Trowa, Wufei and Duo; they never knew him. The one who
wasn’t this murderous terrorist, workaholic, emotionless drone. They never met
him, never heard him cry himself to sleep, never saw him worry about those he
cared for. No. They never saw him there, looking back at them, wondering if
that would be their last mission.
They never met the real me.
It’s a full moon tonight. I like coming out
at in the evening, sitting on the balcony and letting the air touch my face.
It’s better than the heavy smoke back in L1. Why I try, I don’t know, maybe I’m
dumber than I think, but I keep going back in my mind, hoping to catch a
glimpse of him. Of his family, if he had any. I know he had family. He didn’t
just come out of anything. The pictures of a black pearl are inbeded in my
mind, and I know it doesn’t belong to me. Vessel of stolen memories. That’s
what I am. “Heero Yuy”, “Pilot of Wing Zero”, “Commemorated War Hero”,
“Yuy”…”Hee-chan”………………no names, no titles can fill me. Heero Yuy died a long
time ago…and so did I.
But what’s familiar to me? Ask any person to
tell you their childhood memories and they will tell you stories of games of
hide-and-seek, riding bikes, scrapes and falls, treehouses, summer camp. All I
can tell you are procedures on how to arm and disarm semi-automatics in less
than 2 min. blindfolded along with an impressive list of custom made computer
viruses. I wasn’t bred on milk, but raised on blood. The blood of many, which
had others, that maybe cared for them, or awaited their return.
I always wondered about that after I killed
them. Maybe I would have been more compassionate if someone gave a fuck about
me.
I bet that’s why Dr.J made sure to treat me
like shit.
But tonight, I lay my cards on the table. The
moon seems to mock me. She doesn’t think it will be any different. That I will
end up shooting something out of frustration and go beat up my laptop with
furious typing. But on this night, I can see clearer into his mind. I don’t
know why. Every year on this night, for the past 13 years, I feel this
overwhelming pain in my chest and think I’m gonna burst into crying. I smell
faint violets and there are only bushes here. I see the setting sun of a rainy
afternoon and it’s barely March. And for a second..or maybe more, I see
everything through the eyes of someone innocent, fragile and pure.
I guess this is what happens to soldiers like
me, when there is no war anymore. When we are useless. After being trained for
battle ever since I have sense of conciousness, I am finally done. But who
cares, right? Everything is done for.
Only there was a deep void inside of me. The
rain dried up and left a desert in me.
Only he remained. And showed me the images
once more, the smells, the touch, slim fingers through my hair. Someone holding
me close to their chest. I listen to the heartbeat cry helplessly.
I knew there were no flowers.
Or farewell kisses.
Only a black pearl, that slid down her face,
and died in the puddle of that afternoon rain.
The rain that dried ups and left a desert in
her heart.
I glance up at the moon and smirk
victoriously. She only smiles, lighting up the tear on my face. The war may be
over, but the battle inside me has just begun.
I can only hope you can protect me this time.
Sayonara, okaa-san.
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Author’s note: *sigh* I know this is kind of
crazy, but I was in a sad mood I guess, and listening to some tunes alike in
substance…aaaand bored to death, perfect combo for twisted little things like
this to come out. Sorry if it seems too much like Heero-torture! *bows in
apology* Oh well, hopefully something more cheery will come along. Till then!
Kuroi
Tenshi=:)
The Full Disclaimer
Shin Kidousenki Gundam Wing is trademark and property of Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu
Agency, and associated companies. The characters are used without permission
for entertainment purposes and of completely no profit at all. Original
portions of this work belong to the author.