Winter

Winter: 2005

Well, I knew it was coming! Winter has arrived with an ice storm and gusty wind. With the twenty-degree temperature and the ice storm outside, I have nothing to do but think and write.

Years ago the wife use to say that the order in which body parts fall victim to the cold was, ears, feet, hands and boobs. I am also reminded of the wife saying, “It is so cold my boobs are shivering!” If any of you are outdoor enthusiast you will no doubt know about the socks you can buy that have the nine-volt battery on them and keep your feet warm. I wonder if you could produce a bra made from the same material. Put the battery between the breasts so it will not be noticed. (Well that would work for say C-cups and larger.)

Yes, by all means, that is what the world needs! An electric bra! Maybe a collaboration between Westinghouse and Victoria ’s Secret is needed to produce a padded push-up bra that will increase size and cleavage while keeping them warm. Having a little background in electronics and engineering, I have to say up front, it would not be a good idea to use this technology to produce a water bra. In addition, as long as you have the power source, why not little flashing lights on the sides, top, and bottom like aircraft so you can see it at night.

How about a GPS (Global Positioning System) sensor so you can find you wife in Wal-Mart? Well, that might be a little redundant as the following story illustrates.

A fellow in Wal Mart approaches a lovely woman and says, "I've lost my wife in here somewhere. Can you talk to me a couple of minutes?"

The woman looks puzzled. "Why talk to me?" she asks.

He answers, "Because every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere!”

Now let us recap. We have an increase in size and cleavage, both good improvements. An added power supply for warmth, lights and GPS, that seems all right to me. What else can we add to make this the perfect bra? A digital clock might be a handy addition. CD player? Somehow, I don’t think so. Where would you plug in the headphones? Cruse control? No, because you cannot speed a woman up when she it getting ready to go out and you cannot slow her down when shopping. Four-wheel-Drive? Maybe not! I will refrain from mentioning a back-up beeper.

Adding a built in cell phone is asking for trouble!

A miniature TV? It might be handy when you are caught looking at a chest other than you spouses. You could reply, “Just watching the news, honey, just watching the news!”

DVD? Ah yes, I can see it now! The child in the seat of the shopping cart is watching a movie and mom reaches for the broccoli. Then over the din and from across the store you hear, “Stand still mom! Nemo is missing!”

All right, enough is enough. However, just for fun, let us add a little vibrator to each cup (remote control, of course!). This will accomplish three things; 1) It will get the waiter to you table to take you order just so he can what them jiggle and dance; 2) it will get you face slapped in any restaurant in town; and 3) well, ah, hmmmm……OK so I don’t have a third one, but I am working on it!

I am very dangerous when I have time to think!

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