to my chamber of...

GeneralI seldom express my feelings of affection and love openly in speech. I can be an expressionist but in terms of this , I normally just clam up and end up building a firewall around myself. Those close to me might eventually think I don't care for them, but if they stayed a little longer, they would come to learn the truth.

DesireI desire to be a somebody. I used to fantasise myself as a popularand rich actress , a successful author and one of the most sought after women, I think of myself as a beautiful lady , intriguing men in my mysterious ways. I want to be a chameleon, the one that can change to suit herself in this I quote, dog-eat-dog world. I want to be on par with my men and I want to exert masculine command in my feminine ways.

LoveI first took a liking in the opposite sex when I was about 9. Previously, I had been mixing with a group of boys in my pre-school years. Subsequently, I was introduced to an all-girls school, all throughout my years of schooling, which contributed to the fact that I started to shy away from the opposite sex. I don't go for extra classes, unlike my ex-classmates, so I had no contact whatsoever with the MALE species. Eventually my number of friends of the opposite sex almost came to an extinction.

I took my first break of living in an all-girls' world when I took my A-Levels. Suddenly, i found it hard to communicate with guys, I feel the feeling of shyness creeping into me and i would start to feel uncomfortable, feeling awkward of my every move.

Now, within a year of being introduced to the college life, I have been with 4 guys. It is amazing, considering a year before, I was freaking out and thought I was the ugliest girl in the world who couldn't get a date. Though the shyness is still in me, but I have learnt to communicate with guys, and I have overcome the belief that guys are alien creatures. I have claimed a part of my pre-school years into my present situation, and found it easy to cope with now.

4 years later, I had a taste of what love is, or rather my perception of love. My fifth relationship was full of bittersweet memories and had taught me a lot in terms of forgive and forget. I hope someday, I'll be able to write that I am now happily married with kids...

PersonalityWhen i was in my pre-school years, I was very active and had no problem of communicating. Eventually, when I was in my primary school years, I got to be known as the most notorious girl by my teachers. I was a cheerful girl, with a couldn't-care-less attitude. When I came to terms with my adolescent years, I grew a little quiet and started developing crushes on my fellow schoolmates who have personalities of their own. I used to admire a girl so much , but I was lucky i didn't get into a confusion about my own sexuality. Subsequently, I liked a guy in my piano classes, and I thought that admiring a guy is much more fun ! That snapped me out of constant admiration for girls.

I think i am witty, sweet, friendly, talkative and understanding at times, but I can be nasty too when I am not in a good mood, i tend to be vengeful towards those who have offended me at times. If I believe i am in the right, I would stick to my opinion no matter what. Sometimes I succumbed to depression and at times like this, I am weak, quiet and helpless, until I regained my confidence and found a solution to whatever which caused my depression.

I treasure genuine friendships, I value my friends . However, as I have said i am not an expressionist when it comes to love and liking, I tend to show my affection in various ways, sending cards, messages, being there for them... I always make myself available to lend a listening ear to anyone who is depressed and sometimes get engrossed in his/her problems too! I feel grateful and touched if anyone showed concern and helped me, I would take all effort to be there when in times of need. Vice versa, if a person has offended me real bad, I tend to not forgive and forget that easily...

I consider myself a 'good' girl, in the sense that i don't drink, smoke, gamble and sleep around. However i have lied sometimes and till this day, i doubt my parents know i have had 5 relationships. When i am in the mood, I can be sexy and flirtatious. I don myself in sexy, black , revealing outfit just to prove to myself at times that I am good-looking and sexy. Yes, I am egoistic.

Ling97® laughs, walks towards the Bar and sat, crossing her legs, slowly sipping her cocktail.

EgoYes every one has an ego, depending on big/small. I think I have a lot of pride in myself thus a big ego. I am vain, i believe i am smart and sexy, I am beautiful in my own style.

Regretyes , every one has regrets of their own, I have mine too, and i think so far, my deepest regret is to have had a relationship and then break off. The separation especially with the third guy in my life was a difficult period for me, i would visualise the happy moments we had, and tears would fall , 'God, what happened to us' is what crossed my mind. Yes, I am sentimental too, in case you haven't figured it out.

i regret putting my trust in a particular individual too much and later found out that i have been lied to or betrayed. The feeling of betrayal is , i must stress a hideous and painful one. Till this day, i sadly claim that i regret most trusting a particular guy who used to be a part of my life.

i do regret too if i said harsh words to the people close to me in my life. As it is, I realise i have to cherish them and i try to gain self-control of words i speak and actions i do.

i do regret to admit that I am hot-tempered, a characteristic which i have inherited from my Dad. I almost always snap at people who offend me. Yes, i am trying to change this characteristic of mine, perhaps i would always have a temper but hopefully i can claim one day that i have it totally under my control.

SexualityYes, I have sexual desires and i would not hesitate to flaunt my sexuality at the world. After all, Scorpions are believed to be the Sex Goddess, the sexiest star of all. However, I still retain my Buddhism faith and do not sleep around, I believe making love is a total commitment, not just an act for fun. I can safely say if I do happen to sleep with a guy, he would be my one-and-only boyfriend at that moment in time or perhaps it could already even be my husband.

Ling97® stretches herself on the bar stool and got up slowly...

"Ah well, it's getting late now... Better be moving on. Follow me dear..."