Ruff's Den


The Plans



The Plans, Ruff's versoin

Once upon a time, there lived a ferret, because it is all I can think of, who goes sky diving. When his rope chord thingy breaks, he falls and breaks his neck. The end. Oops wait, I forgot something… He had the only plans to save a species on another planet named Earth. But, due to the fact that the ferret dies on Farth, the Hu-mans are never saved from a killer… other thingy. The end. Not really. After he died, a recovery team of these hu-mans discovered the plans. They were saved!!! But, when debating who would present the plans to the president of the hu-man race, they got in a fight and killed each other. This is just one simple example of how stupid the hu-man race is. As a further example, they also managed to destroy the plans. The planet was destroyed. The end. But wait! There’s more!!! Not really. The end.
The Plans, Ferrel's versoin

A while back, on a planet not all that far away, a decision was made that would dramatically change the future of a planet called Earth. The only existing prototype of an electro-chemical reactionary ballistic device capable of destroying the entire planet of Farth had been disarmed and destroyed, leaving only one loosely encrypted file containing it’s blueprints to exist, hidden on a miniature globe key-chain. The Farthians, being completely oblivious to the device’s power for improvement alongside it’s destructive capabilities, decided that the monarch of their planet would be the chosen keeper of the key-chain and a ceremony was held for the acceptance of the code bearing globe.
During the gathering, a young black-footed ferret arrived in a pitch-black two-door sport-coupe, which remarkably resembled the Acura Integras of Earth. Stepping from his vehicle, the ferret made his way to the backstage preparation area and slipped through the glass double doors absolutely unnoticed. Casually entering the monarch’s chambers, he drew his high-caliber firearm and put it’s firepower to good use. The monarch was no more, the ferret was in control of the key-chain, and general masses were blissful and unaware of the assassination which had just occurred less than a kilometer from the tips of their tails. Completely in the clear, the coupe shot off to a local airstrip where an eight-passenger business jet awaited its arrival. The plan was to stage a crash against a highly inaccessible mountain peak as the ferret made off with his prized key ring. The wreckage from the crash site was to distract any search parties as the bandit parachuted to a waiting truck on one of the mountain’s logging roads. From there he would drive off in victory to pawn the file to some warlord, via the underworld markets, for enough money to retire, yes, at age nineteen.
Unfortunately for our villain, he would find no purpose in staging his death on that day. As he gleefully leapt from the rounded, octagonal tail hatch of the micro-jet, performing an unbelievably drawn out swan (err, ferret?) dive as he glided out behind the doomed aircraft, his parachute deployed, whipping the ferret backward with immense force. His airspeed far too extreme, two of the six chute-lines separated from his harness, sending broken fiberglass shards flaring out into the surrounding sky. The ferret then accelerated quite rapidly towards the rocky landscape below him, shocked, frightened, and helpless. Not long after that moment, the plummeting thief passed into unconsciousness and died on impact following his thirteen-hundred-foot free-fall. For all the world knew, the precious key-chain was incinerated during the jet’s highly explosive encounter with the mountainside, and was soon forgotten due to the lack of a leader for the planet of Farth and it’s Farthians. Life went on.
As years passed, the people of Farth over-hunted the planet and exhausted all of the farmable soil, forcing themselves to move to a nearby planet to rebuild their world rather than dying or starvation. As this was taking place, a moderately intelligent race or furless, tailless beings called the Hu-mans was busy developing a more advanced space travel program on their planet, Earth. The Hu-mans had relied on thermo-nuclear reactors to power their cities for far too long, creating a buildup of radioactive waste so massive and powerful that it forced the beings to wear radioactivity-shielded suits to keep from melting as they walked around their towns. Soon the Hu-mans sent a recovery team out to find Farth. They had been informed about the key-chain incident of so many years ago and decided that finding the plans for this electro-chemical weapon was their final shot at survival. They formulated a plan for rebuilding the device in a manor to reverse its operation, enabling them to neutralize the radiation on Earth, conserving their existence for at least another hundred years. As the Hu-mans reached Farth they located the mountain on which the plane crash had occurred almost two-hundred years in the past. That day marked the beginning of a nineteen-month search for the most valuable key ring in the universe. Once they found their treasure, which was hidden in an ancient skeleton of the past, they departed for their home planet.
During the voyage to Earth, a brawl broke out, spurred from an argument over which crewmember would present the planet-saving artifact to their “president”, and all hope was lost. As the battle aboard the shuttle raged on, an airlock door was activated, sending the Hu-man explorers to their doom. As the fourteen imploded frozen carcasses drifted away, the Earth-bound starship crash landed on a passing meteor and drifted deep into the outer reaches of the galaxy. It’s too bad the foolish Hu-mans never realized that they never actually possessed the plans that they had searched so desperately for. As the men pulled the key-chain from the aged remains of the ferret, the globe attached to it’s ring was loosened and fell from it’s decorative chain, rolling down a particularly steep slope of the mountain face and propelling itself of an extraordinarily elevated ridge, landed in a fjord below. Well, fragments of it landed there, others were embedded into tree trunks and limbs, and still more scattered around the river delta surrounding the area.
Back on Earth, the planet’s core was beginning to become unstable and eventually disintegrated, obliterating the Earth in its meltdown. Because of simple Hu-man insolence, armageddon had been brought upon their entire race. On New Farth, the furred creatures watched through their telescopes as Earth slowly separated into six parts, ending all of Hu-manity. Laughter reverberated all across the planet as the Farthians rejoiced and celebrated the disposal of one more incompetent race of wasteful beings.

This story was written in remembrance of, well, an even shorter and less descriptive version by a scruffy little fur-face we all know as Ruff. It was originally written to show just how illogical and oblivious the average Hu-man (If ‘ya havn’t caught on by now, watch out, you might be one! Yes, a human, gasp!) is. I’d like to give special thanks (with reasons!) to the following :

~ Ruff. For the original story-line (which you should read) and for posting this.

~ Me. For putting up with myself.

~ Caffeine. Otherwise I’d be asleep rather than writing this.

~ You. For putting up with me.

~ Paul Oakenfold. For providing exquisite beats to write to.

~ That guy that lives up the street from me. For allowing me to salvage this computer from his trash. (no joke, he thought it was fried by lightning, but I revived it!)

~ Unemployment. For providing the time to write this.

~ The Government. For, ugh, wait. Why would I THANK the government!?!

~ Thaddeus Mirne and Ferrel Kasson. For not actually existing. Thanks guys! (Read other stories to find out what I’m talking about). /*Ruff says-once again, Ferrel wrote this before he had chosen his name.*/

~ Tri-Lakes Utilities. How else am I supposed to power the ultra-hyper-ghetto-terra-computer!?!

~ Creamfields. For hosting Paul Oakenfold while he played that Essential Mix set.

Thank you ________(enter your hometown)! I love you! Good night!