| Poems for Evan written by mommy When you lay down love, Please know that it may be the last time. I remember vividly Rocking my precious to sleep and snuggling so close before slumber. Gently.. I lay him down and kiss his cheek. As I always do as I always did. I struggle with leaving But I need sleep and clothes and I'll be back First thing in the morning to see my Love and his smile. In the next instant I am awaken by the dread of early morning calls. You should get here soon, she said. No, NO, NO Not again. My baby is dying again, we must leave. No one would get dressed fast enough and the car wouldn't move through traffic. Don't they know I have to get to the hospital? Don't they know how many times my fighter fought death? Fought to live and BE. I remember needles and tubes and people pounding my Love's chest. In the instant I surrendered to death, it came. And left me empty. I rocked my precious to eternal sleep and snuggled so close before slumber. Gently...I lay him down and kiss his cheek. I laid down Love and knew it was the last time. Hero I have a hero. He is the smallest hero I know. He smiles through sadness and laughs through fear. He is the brilliance of the sun setting through horizons. His greatness tells the tale of how to be a warrior, Although he never spoke a word. I knew him for a whisper in time and will remember him forever. I have a hero. Reality As I sit here in the murky hours of night, I am keenly aware of my loneliness. The part of me once filled with love now an empty ache. Terror and desperation are commonplace in the s c a n t m e a d o w s of my being. The sheer horror of finality takes over my mind. Half disbelieving and half in shock I hold my son's face hard against my heart. OF COURSE, it's only the two dimensional kind with Kodak on the back. I squeeze the pictures, the blankets, the toys and I CRY. I cry for the memories that sometimes feel so distant. I scream in pain. The needles that once hurt you Will forever puncture my heart a million times over. A Special Poem Written By Grandma... Grandma's Little Pooper As I sit here and gaze into your sparkling eyes, I see the smile that lights your face and mine. And I sit hold you close to me, You melt my heart and soul like butter. Your little face looks so soft and innocent, Unaware that this life is just a dream. We sit together in silence enjoying the glow of love. And when it's time, I get up slowly... Clutching onto you with all my might. I lay you where you'll be safe, And my photo album slowly closes. I realize you're now a memory burnt into my mind FOREVER as I wipe away my tears. Poems written by others that have touched me I Lost My Child Today I lost my child today. People came to weep and cry, As I just sat and stared, dry eyed. They struggled to find words to say, To try and make the pain go away, I walked the floor in disbelief, I lost my child today. I lost my child last month. Most of the people went away, Some still call and some still stay. I wait to wake up from this dream. This can't be real. I want to scream. Yet everything is locked inside, God, help me, I want to die. I lost my child last month. I lost my child last year. Now people who had came, have gone. I sit and struggle all day long, To bear the pain so deep inside. And now my friends just question, Why? Why does this mother not move on? Just sits and sings the same old song. Good heavens, it has been so long. I lost my child last year. Time has not moved on for me. The numbness it has disappeared. My eyes have now cried many tears. I see the look upon your face, "She must move on and leave this place." Yet I am trapped right here in time. The songs the same, as is the rhyme, I lost my child.......Today. Netta Wilson ~ ~ 1996 *************************************************************************** You were my greatest treasure, My Rock. Now you are my Guardian Angel. Please keep me on the road to you My Son, For that is now my goal in life, To follow the road, that will lead us to you, so that we may all be together again... Author Unknown |