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Child Sexual Abuse Introduction Every child is vulnerable to sexual abuse. Today's parents must face the possibility that someone may hurt or take advantage of their child. Research indicates that as many as one out of every four children will be the victim of sexual abuse. Very young children as well as older teenagers are victimized. Almost all of these children will be abused by someone they know and trust: a relative, family friend or caretaker. Sexual abuse can be physical, verbal or emotional and includes: sexual touching and fondling exposing children to adult sexual activity or pornographic movies and photographs having children pose, undress or perform in a sexual fashion on film or in person "peeping" into bathrooms or bedrooms to spy on a child rape or attempted rape Sexual abuse involves forcing, tricking, bribing, threatening or pressuring a child into sexual awareness or activity. Sexual abuse occurs when an older or more knowledgable child or an adult uses a child for sexual pleasure. The abuse often begins gradually and increases over time. The use of physical force is rarely necessary to engage a child in sexual activity because children are trusting and dependent. They want to please others and gain love and approval. Children are taught not to question authority and they believe that adults are always right. Perpetrators of child sexual abuse know this and take advantage of these vulnerabilities in children. Sexual abuse is an abuse of power over a child and a violation of a child's right to normal, healthy, trusting relationships. Signs of Sexual Abuse Because most children cannot or do not tell about being sexually abused, it is up to concerned adults to recognize signs of abuse. Physical evidence of abuse is rare. Therefore, we must look for behavior signs. Unfortunately, there is no one behavior alone that definitely determines a child has been sexually abused. The following are general behavior changes that may occur in children who have been sexually abused: Physical complaints Fear or dislike of certain people or places Sleep disturbances Headaches School problems Withdrawal from family, friends, or usual activities Excessive bathing or poor hygiene Return to younger, more babyish behavior Depression Anxiety Discipline problems Running away Eating disorders Passive or overly pleasing behavior Delinquent acts Low self-esteem Self-destructive behavior Hostility or aggression Drug or alcohol problems Sexual activity or pregnancy at an early age Suicide attempts Additional Symptoms Children who have been sexually abused frequently have more specific symptoms: Copying adult sexual behavior Persistent sexual play with other children, themselves, toys or pets Displaying sexual knowledge, through language or behavior, that is beyond what is normal for their age Unexplained pain, swelling, bleeding or irritation of the mouth, genital or anal area; urinary infections; sexually transmitted diseases Hints, indirect comments or statements about the abuse The Silent Problem Often children do not tell anyone about sexual abuse because they: are too young to put what has happened into words were threatened or bribed by the abuser to keep the abuse a secret feel confused by the attention and feelings accompanying the abuse are afraid no one will believe them blame themselves or believe the abuse is punishment for being "bad" feel too ashamed or embarrassed to tell worry about getting into trouble or getting a loved one into trouble Silence enables sexual abuse to continue. Silence protects sexual offenders and hurts children who are being abused. Sexual abuse is an extremely difficult and damaging experience. Today there are many resources to help victims and their families. Children no longer need to suffer in silence. Feelings Children who have been sexually abused feel many different (and often overwhelming) emotions, including: Fear of the abuser of causing trouble of losing adults important to them of being taken away from home of being "different" Anger at the abuser at other adults around them who did not protect them at themselves (feeling as if they caused trouble) Isolation because "something is wrong with me" because they feel alone in their experience because they have trouble talking about the abuse Sadness about having something taken from them about losing a part of themselves about growing up too fast about being betrayed by someone they trusted Guilt for not being able to stop the abuse for believing they "consented" to the abuse for "telling"--if they told for keeping the secret--if they did not tell Shame about being involved in the experience about their bodies' response to the abuse Confusion because they may still love the abuser because their feelings change all the time Protecting Children As concerned adults, we want to protect children from sexual abuse, but we can't always be there to do that. We can, however, teach children about sexual abuse in order to increase their awareness and coping skills. Without frightening children, we can provide them with appropriate safety information and support at every stage of their development. We can provide personal safety information to children in a matter- of-fact way, with other routine safety discussions about fire, water, health, etc. Although even the best educated child cannot always avoid sexual abuse, children who are well prepared will be more likely to tell you if abuse has occurred. This is a child's best defense. In order to protect children, teach them: to feel good about themselves and know they are loved, valued and deserve to be safe the difference between safe and unsafe touches the proper names for all body parts, so they will be able to communicate clearly that safety rules apply to all adults, not just strangers that their bodies belong to them and nobody has the right to touch them or hurt them that they can say "no" to requests that make them feel uncomfortable--even from a close relative or family friend to report to you if any adult asks them to keep a secret that some adults have problems that they can rely on you to believe and protect them if they tell you about abuse that they are not bad or to blame for sexual abuse to tell a trusted adult about abuse even if they are afraid of what may happen Listening to Children If a child trusts you enough to tell you about an incident of sexual abuse, you are in an important position to help that child recover. The following suggestions can help you provide positive support. Do: Keep calm. It is important to remember that you are not angry with the child, but at what happened. Children can mistakenly interpret anger or disgust as directed towards them. Believe the child. In most circumstances children do not lie about sexual abuse. Give positive messages such as "I know you couldn't help it," or "I'm proud of you for telling." Explain to the child that he or she is not to blame for what happened. Listen to and answer the child's questions honestly. Respect the child's privacy. Be careful not to discuss the abuse in front of people who do not need to know what happened. Be Responsible. Report the incident to the Department of Human Services.* They can help protect the child's safety and provide resources for further help. Arrange a medical exam. It can reassure you that there has been no permanent physical damage and may verify important evidence. Get help. Get competent professional counseling, even if it's only for a short time. Call the sexual assault crisis center nearest you. To be automatically connected with the crisis line of the crisis center nearest you, please call the RAINN hotline, toll-free, at 1-800-656-4673 *Tennessee law requires that any person who knows, or has reason to suspect, that a child has been sexually abused must report it to local law enforcement authorities or the Department of Human Services. Remember, "the reason to suspect" means that you have seen indicators of abuse. It does not mean that you are certain that abuse has occurred. Reporting abuse or suspected abuse is actually a request for professionals to investigate further. Don't: Panic or overreact when the child talks about the experience. Children need help and support to make it through this difficult time. Pressure the child to talk or avoid talking about the abuse. Allow the child to talk at her or his own pace. Forcing information can be harmful. Silencing the child will not help her or him to forget. Confront the offender in the child's presence. The stress may be harmful. This is a job for the authorities. Blame the child. SEXUAL ABUSE IS NEVER THE CHILD'S FAULT!!!
