STORY 1
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My most current memories, are from when I was six. My parents worked and at the time I had 6 brothers and sisters. So my mother was always busy with them. When they wern't home they hired a babysitter to watch us. The very first time I saw him I did not like him, he was scary and ugly looking. Over the next year he gave me even more reason to hate him. When he would be alone in a room with me he would fondle me and show me what he had. He tried to rape me once but one of my brothers walked down on him. When I tried to tell my folks they did not believe me," Hes such a nice guy, He would not do something like that." "Quit making things up like that!" they would tell me. There was one day where he wanted to take all of the kids to a train station to have a train ride. Well he was not able to take me because Iwas in trouble with something else. He took all of the other kids in his camper to the train station. I don't know what happened to the other kids but i do know that he was not happy that my parents would not let me go with. Well shortly after that my father started. First just touching and looking, then making me touch and look and then the porno movies and the very intence sessions with him. He always knew that I liked the attention. At the time my mother was showing me absolutely no loving she was constantly yelling at me and telling me that i was no good. So any kind of positive attention that i could get made me feel good. When my father started with his abuse It was pretty irregular. Maybe once a month or less than that. Then my family moved to Greenfield and my mother got worse with her hating me. With her abuse she made me feel like a speck of dust, and to make things worse she would starve me a punishment for not doing something that she told me to. Of course at the time I thought that it was true and that I was a bad girl. So to show me his love my father would bring me food down to my room in the middle of the night, watch me eat it and then fondle me and make me help him masterbate. I guess it was his way of having some one love him. I will not deny it to this day I enjoyed the attention. Then it got to be so intense that it was maybe once a week or more than that, where he was not getting love from his wife, so he used me instead. He would go for a week or two with doing this to me every night or every other night, and then he would quite for a month. This went on until March 14 1995, I was almost 15 years old. In school we were learning about sexuality ed. When I started knowing about everything the teacher was telling us about the guys and things I got scared because I knew that I should not know that much. So I started a little game of my own. I didn't sleep very much at night any more because that was when my father liked to abuse me. But any time I heard him up( he always stayed up until 2-3 in the morning)I would pretend that I was sleeping. Since my room was in the basement that was pretty easy when he was not down in his work shop. When I had to use the bathroom I would go in the laundry tube. By then he was getting to be smarter to, so when my mother was gone on Sundays, shopping, my dad would send my 9 brothers and sisters out side. He would run a bath for me and make me take a bath at 2-3 in the afternoon. Of course for me to be able to take a bath was pretty good. My mother didn't care if I was clean or not. There was a down side to taking a bath during the day, that was when my father would get in the bath tub with me. He would make me was him and then we would get out and go into his bedroom (also my mothers) and abuse me in there to. It also got to the point that he didn't care what time of day it was, if he wanted a hug he would give me a hug and fondle my breast to. He did this a family gatherings and when the room was full of kids. Of course my mother was getting jealous because I was taking an intent liking to him, so she would beat me even more and treat me even worse. Well On March 14 1995, I finally got sick of all the touching and the uncleanslyness and the caressing, and talked to a counseler at my middle school. With in the week i was put in a foster home. That was the hardest thing for me to do. Since then I have been through 6 differant foster homes plus a treatment center which I was in for two years. I still hate my self for breaking my family up. Now I have a court order against seeing my father until I am 28 and my mother won't talk to me. Keep in mind this has been five very long years and my family relationship has long since been demolished. Over the past five years I have been through many differant therapist and have graduated from high school and now am in college. But every day is a struggle in its self. Any comments are welcome, especially on different ways of coping!!
