STORY 23
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When I was 39 years old, I was living in London with my husband and two daughters. I decided to study to become a psychotherapist while I was living overseas. I was not working so I took advantage of the time there and applied to do the training. I was accepted. One of the requirements was that I had to have been in therapy previously, which I had been and I had to continue to be in therapy during the entire three year training. In the first year of my training I was in therapy and in a therapy group (both required). Six months into the training I began to remember my childhhod and all the trauma I experienced. That has now been seven years ago and I am still remembering things that happened. My memories of being sexually abused from age three to age nineteen in a wide variety of circumstances have not come back to me in chronological order, the memories have been fragmented. I have remembered part of something that hapened and years later I remembered the rest of the incident. My Father started having me play with his [private areas] and [perform oral sex on him] when I was three. By the time I was seven my older brother was having sexual intercourse with me. He threatened me at knife point and warned me that if I told anyone about what we did together, he would have to kill me. By age nine I, along with other children, were photographed naked. I often had unusual objects placed in my vagina and photos were taken. When I was 11, my Father began to have sexual intercourse with me. Then one of my Father's friends (who also wrote pornography) began having sex with me. For some reason they began to "sell" me to other people. I was put with men who had exotic sexual taste, I was forced to perform some dreadful acts. The things that were done to me were inhuman. It had become a secret life and I was able to repress things while they were happening to me. Remembering all those horrible things have taken me years to absorb, I am still absorbing and dealing with them. Other things that happened I cannot talk about, I saw some things happen that were beyond cruel and criminal. My Father is dead and so is his friend but I continue to live with the things they did to me and the things they were paid for others to do things to me. I want to talk about these things and get the issue of childhoood abuse out in the open. I have shared my story with some of my "friends" and they are no longer my friends. The incest things is too much for some people to deal with. If we can get our stories out and talked about then others who are now being abused can hope that it will end for them. My abuse ended when my Father died, so did his 27-year history of beating up my Mother. I am now living in the US again. I want to be a voice for those who have been abused and those who are being abused.
