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I never thought it could happen to me Have you ever had an experience change the way you live your life totally and completely? I did. The fall semester of my sophomore year in college, I went to the first party of the school year with a bunch of freshman. I wanted them to think I was "cool." I drank a little more than I normally do, but I had a lot of fun. Most importantly though, I met this really cool guy. We were talking to him as a group, but he directed most of his attention towards me. I was flattered, I finally met a guy at a party who seemed very cool. We kissed and he asked me if he could walk me back to my hall. My friend Carey told him no. She told him we could get back just fine by ourselves. At the time, I didn't think anything of it. I was so drunk that I don't even remember getting back to the hall, but I do remember puking my guts out that night and feeling like HELL the next day. I saw him at lunch the next day and he remembered my name. We talked for a while and I remember feeling special because he remembered me. I began to see him around campus often over the course of the semester. We exchanged phone numbers and he began to call me on nights he went out, to see if I would like to go with him and his buddies. Ususally, I had other plans. One night in December, though, I didn't. He called me and asked what I was doing. He wanted to know if I would like to go to a party with him and some of his friends. I thought to myself ' the sememster is almost over; what the heck, all we are going to do is go to a party, what could happen to me'? After all, I thought I knew him well enough to trust him. I walked over to his hall at 6:30 p.m. and he met me by the back door. We went to his room and sat around and watched t.v. for a while. When it was time to go, his friends didn't go with, they were already gone someplace else. If I had been thinking, I would have questioned why, but I didn't. He paid for my cup at the party, and this took me by suprise. I was not able to keep track of how much I drank, because he kept filling me up each time my glass got half empty. While we were there I ran into some people that I knew from home and I talked with them. When I turned around, I saw him dancing with another girl (this also should have bothered me more than it did, but it was a party how could I question it, he knew alot of girls). Besides, he came with me and he was planning on leaving with me. I remember it being cold outside when we walked back to campus, but that is all I can remember of the walk back. We went back to his room and watched some show on t.v. It was very lame, so we began making out. It felt good and I was content with kissing him, but his hands began to get a mind of their own. I stopped him and told him that I didn't want to do that. He stopped for a while, but began doing other things to me. I said NO again, and again. He didn't listen to my protests. The alcohol impaired my thought process and I began to get a huge headache. Fighting off his force was impossibe. He raped me. I was so scared, I did not know what to do, I froze and felt as if I was not in my body anymore. I was a virgin. I never wanted to experience a sexual relationship in the way that I did that night. I felt so alone. I didn't say anything to anyone about what happend that night for over a year. My friends all figured out something happened to me, but I would not say a word. I was so ashamed, confused, hurt, scared. I thought that no one would ever believe me. I was not a "slut", I did not dress in a seductive manner, I was a believer in many of the myths. I thought that it was all my fault. But later I found out that none of this is true. It took the help of my hall director last year, a good counselor in our health center, and the support of my friends to help me through this. It has been two years since I was raped, and one year since I have been out of counseling. Some days are easier to get through than others. I will never forget what happened. But it is getting easier to keep the memories from consuming me. This has changed the way I look at relationships, drinking and going out, and people in general. It has taken me a long time to feel comfortable telling my guy friends what happend to me. So far my biggest fear has not come true, I have not lost one friend (male or female) from telling my story. I still have not told my parents, I really don't think that I ever will. It is too late now, because they will wonder why I felt that I could not tell them this sooner. I really don't think that they need to know anymore. I want to leave you with some advice. Try to remember that this can happen to anyone. It's not your fault; even if you know the person well, if they pay, if you have slept with them before, or if you are drunk. What you wear is also not a justification for an assault to happen, but many times it is. This is a crime punishable by law. We need to begin taking this crime seriously and begin to start fighting back. The best thing that you can do to help yourself is to talk to someone that you trust and even get professional help. This way, you can take your life back, and it won't consume you for the rest of your life. Sexual Assault/Date Rape are things that effect your self esteem. We all need to remember that we are special. There really are lots of good things in our lives and there are people that love us and will not hurt us. Surviving a Date Rape or Sexual Assault is hard. THe pain doesn't go away right away, it takes time. With the help of professionals and supportive friends and family, you can get better. Granted, there will be bad days, but once you are able to deal with them it will get easier. Those are the days that you will need support the most, especially in the first months of dealing with it. You do get better, though. I know, becuase I have.
