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Sexual abuse has touched many in my family. After discovering that I had been abused, my mother shared with me that her father raped her while she lived with him following a divorce. She only escaped because she met my father and got married. So her father turned to her younger sister. I was molested by a teacher in a Christian school. He had other victims simultaneously. I had already made him stop touching me when a year later one of his other victims told her parents. To prevent a public scandal, the minister just let him leave town quietly and he is still out there. I don't know if he has continued the behavior but he had two daughters whom I'm sure he must have tried the same things on. Then my two little nephews became victims of abuse by their mother's brother who was about 10. It went on for a couple of years before we figured it out due to inappropriate behavior for their age. The worst part was that their own mother defended her brother and called her children liars on the witness stand! Now, it has been several years later and they have received counseling. We thought they were completely recovered. Then recently, one of the nephews, aged 10, performed oral sex on another nephew, aged 4. We are all devastated. It would appear that once a boy is molested, he becomes a molester. So now the mother of the 4 year old is terrified her child will now do the same. The whole family feels that this nephew is a potential pedephile and must leave the family unit. There are several children he has contact with, some are mine, and we do not want to risk our children by having him in contact with them. It has destroyed our family in one moment. We parents of the other children have decided that if he doesn't go we will. We can't go visit my parents if this nephew will potentially show up. For my story of personal abuse, I carried hatred for such a long time. I couldn't get rid of the memories, the anger at those in authority for not protecting me, mad at myself for not having the courage to stand up and say NO and tell on him. I finally shared my bitterness with a person who was aware of some of what happened through the grapevine. She gave me wonderful advice. She said, you will never know if he is punished on this earth but one thing is for sure, you are punishing yourself. You are angry and bitter and it is eating you up and wasting your energy, your mind and happiness. And he isn't even aware that you are consumed by hating him and doesn't care either. So you are letting the abuse continue mentally and keeping you from being the best wife and mother you could be. So I let go and turned it over to God and asked Him to free my mind of these memories so I could have my life back. And I do. It has practically ended pop up memories of the past. But what I've come away with is that parents must err on the side of caution. I have made a vow to myself and my kids that I will never allow a man private access to my kids, especially one on one. No male babysitters, no playdates with boys in which they are left alone and no male teacher, coach, etc. will have my kids over to their home or in a private setting. My teacher kept me after school for tutoring, music lessons and over to his house on the pretext of spending the night with his daughter. Using all those circumstances to take advantage of me. Parents, be suspicious of everyone so you never have to apologize to your child for not protecting them. Kids, if someone is touching you, they are selfish and it's for their satisfaction they don't really care for you. They will either con you into thinking you are special and deserved their "special" love or they will be threatening and scare you into not telling. But you can always find an adult who will listen, care, and put a stop to it and never blame you. Don't believe the bad person if they tell you they will hurt you or your family. Because once you tell, people you can really trust will put a stop to it and the bad person will try to run away. They are cowards. They are the one in trouble, not you.
