Short Movie Takes
"Bourne Ultimatium", "Superbad" review
By Page W. H. Brousseau IV
I don't consider myself some sort of fuddy-duddy. However, I'm starting to wonder if I'm too old to enjoy "good" movies now. In fact when it comes to movies I'm quite open. I hardly vote a movie lower than 6 on IMDB.com, most my ratings seem to be around 7. Needless to say, what pleases me, cinema wise, is broad and varied. Even when I don't like a movie, I'll be kinder than most for respecting the direction, or acting, and God forbid, anything original in film will notch a "eh" movie up to a "so-so" rating.
I'm not put off by subject matter. Take Brokeback Mountain. The Western Movie genre was waiting a century for a good gay cowboy film. That's a little misleading; they were sheepboys, if there is such a word. The movie taught me one good thing which I will actually use in my life: Don't hire two gay guys to watch your sheep, they'll watch each other and frolic in the snow instead, which makes me wonder about the real reasons politicians want to scrap the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy.
I've also been known to like the over hyped movie. Who would've thought 300, which had the potential to be far more gayer than Brokeback Mountain would rock as much as it did? Not to be tied down to particulars of the battle, the film depicted the overall events and the historic context fair enough. Transformers happens to be another one, either it was liked or hated. How could you hate a movie that was an orgy of robot on robot action? Maybe if you aren't into robots you wouldn't like it. That would be like not liking Ghost Busters because you don't believe in ghosts, I can respect but don't have to understand it.
Then there are certain actors that make any film I see with them in it an instant classic. John Wayne was in a ton of not very good movies, but throw a gun in his hand and put him on a horse and then have him pull a plow around a field and I'll watch it for a couple hours at least once. Throw Dean Martin in a movie and he'll steal it every time. The glory in Martin was he was so wasted he was really himself. Same with Sinatra. Give me a glimpse of Charlton Heston and you'll have a movie that'll last the ages (just think Wayne's World 2).
All that brings me to my main point. I loved the first Bourne movie, was it Supremacy or Identity? Either way, Ultimatum (what's with the four syllable words, is Restoration next?) was reviewed with flying colors. I eagerly went, and halfway through I swear I was watching the last one. I remember chases through streets, jumping, punching, and things blowing up. I remember bad government types tracking down Jason Bourne using their "24" type surveillance gear, and Bourne tracking them down using his smarts. I honestly was not move an inch to care about Jason Bourne with the movie, mainly because I saw it before and knew he would escape.
First off, what is with Julia Stiles? Is she a producer's niece or something because the girl's acting range reminds me of an actress in a Herpes medicine commercial. And just how does her character get to work in the dead of night the very moment after Bourne kills the hitmen? (Oh, SPOILER ALERT retrograded to the beginning of the paragraph.) And, playing the "small world after all" she just happened to be in the last episode and we find out she was transferred to Spain as some sort of punishment. Good job government, move the girl involved with Jason Bourne to the office of the one guy that wants to spill the beans on the whole operation. That would be like sending Valerie Plame to work in Richard Armitage's office.
For those that have seen this movie, how does Bourne get into the office without anyone seeing him? I have to show my ID card when I go to the Smoothie King in the gym on base, but this Number One wanted man is able to stroll into the director's office? My problems with this film go on and on from there. But my biggest problem is how the public reacted to this. Everyone I know that's seen this has loved it, it's garnered great reviews as well. What am I missing here?
My confusion for Bourne *insert four syllable word* was far surpassed when I saw Superbad. Like I admitted before, I don't hold much against a movie. Language, nudity, drug or sex use, I'm willing to see where it goes with the story. Superbad had it all, minus nudity, and none of it had a redeeming value. I can honestly say I hated this movie. I might've walked out, and my wife was begging me, but I was lost in the wonderment of "not getting it".
American Pie dealt with the same issues as this movie, but Superbad was vulgar to just be vulgar. It all reminded me of a bunch of kids who felt like swearing merely because no parent was around to stop them, not really using it for effect as in a good adjective. American Graffiti, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Porky's, Can't Hardly Wait, Varsity Blues and American Pie all dealt with high schoolers realizing they're about to grow up. All dealt with sex, drugs, alcohol or some combination thereof. Superbad didn't have a moment I thought relevant or believable. Go ahead, dump your beer into a Tide container and tell me it's still tastes fresh as the Rockies.
Like before, everyone I know that's seen this, minus the wife, has loved it, to include critics of all stripes. What really got me wondering was why is this movie called, "sweet" and proclaimed to "have a heart"? Where was the sweet moment in this movie? Because Evan didn't sleep with the girl he bought booze for because she was drunk and threw up on him? That's why he bought the booze, and theory goes out the window when he starts drinking too. Where was the "heart" in this movie? That's like saying Hitler had a heart because he loved his dog. "Yeah, that Hitler was bad, but you still can't compare him to Michael Vick."
I'm thinking I'm just too old to understand it. Yes I attended some underage parties in high school, and as I recall no one had to go to a drug house to get booze. In high school girls drank, but didn't promise sex for a bottle of vodka (well, at least not to me). What's changed here, kids? Me? Moives?
Sitting silent through a movie, while the crowd is roaring in laughter had me remembering the last time we visited King's Island amusement park in Ohio. Amanda and I rode the biggest newest roller coaster first thing in the morning. Second thing in the morning we came to the conclusion we were much too old for that and spent the rest of the day riding any roller coaster that was shaped like a dragon.
© The Michigan Partisan 2007
