In Loving Memory of Morgan Quinn McDonald

In Loving Memory of
Morgan Quinn McDonald
Born to Heaven on August 18, 2004

I'll Never Know
By LisaMarie Emerle

How do I say goodbye ... when I didn't get to say hello?
I want so bad to keep you ... how do I let you go?
I have so many dreams, so much love I want to share
There's nothing I can do ...why is life unfair?
You're my perfect angel...I dreamed you long ago
I never got to hold you but it breaks my heart to let you go
The pain and confusion I feel inside
I can not explain...I can not describe
God will rock you in your cradle and watch you as you sleep
I will love you in my heart ... it's all I get to keep
you are blessed my child ... you're in heaven up above
You'll never be alone...you have Mommy & Daddy's love
Hush my little baby...you need not ever cry
You were always wanted! I wish you didn't die
You'll be my sunshine in the daylight
and the brightest star at night
Reach for God's hand and go to the light
I would rather endure the pain of losing you right now
Then the thought of you suffering thru life...we'll get thru somehow
I was blessed to have you briefly...even though I have to let you go
I wish I knew the reason but I guess I'll never know

Morgan's Story

I already had three angels up in heaven so we had decided that it was not meant to be for us to have children. This was not an easy decision to make because we both wanted to have children, but we both decided that the chances of having a successful pregnancy were extremely low, even thought my doctors thought that they may be able to help me have one. Roger and I did a lot of inner searching and we finally decided that maybe we should try one more time. We talked about it with my doctor and he told me that as soon as I was pregnant he would start me on a regimen of hormones and a drug which was very similar to the drugs used in transplant patients to keep them from rejecting a new organ. We tried for a few months (I had never had problems getting pregnant before) and nothing was happening. So, we felt that this was just not meant to be. The stress and grief we were both feeling was taking it's toll on our relationship. In July of last year we had decided to call it quits. In August I realized I had missed my period, thinking it was due to the stress I has in my life I thought nothing of it. Then one day I came across a pregnancy test in my dresser draw, I was going to throw it out then I thought "what if?" So I took it. Much to my surprise it came out positive! I called my doctor right away and went to see him that afternoon. He was able to confirm that I was pregnant
and we began the drug treatments immediately.

I was set to go back every two days for blood test to check my hormone levels. I didn't tell anyone yet because I was scared. Then when I was about 6 weeks along my doctor told me my levels had dropped. We didn't give up hope, I went back everyday for three days and they kept dropping. After the third day of tests my doctor ordered an ultrasound. My precious little baby had stopped growing at about 5 weeks. I received this news on August 11th and then the wait began. I did tell Roger at this point in time because I felt he should know that we were going to have another angel. He stayed by my side while we waited for the miscarriage to complete it's self. I opted to let things happen naturally even though I knew it could take weeks to occur, but as my doctor said I was "fortunate" and I lost Morgan a few days later on August 18, 2004. Morgan was to young to know what gender he/she was so after much thought, Roger and I chose Morgan Quinn. Morgan is Welsh for "from the sea" we picked this because of my Welsh heritage and because the sea is a mystical special place to me, Quinn means "wise"
and is Celtic for Roger's heritage.

Even though I only was able to keep Morgan safe for a few weeks my love for my newest angel was and will always be as strong as my love for my other angels. On this, Morgan's first anniversary in heaven the emptiness and pain is still as strong but I have reached some peace knowing that Morgan is not alone up in heaven. Morgan joined siblings, Katie, James and Sean and many other special angels, who I know were waiting for my Morgan with angels hugs
and love to make Morgan's journey into heaven more peaceful.

What Makes a Mother?

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard Him say.

"A Mother has a baby"
This we know is true
"But God can you be a Mother,
When your baby's not with you?"

"Yes, you can," He replied
With confidence in His voice
"I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay."

"I just don't understand this God
I want my baby to be here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,
And then I saw the tear.

"I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child's smile,
With all the other children and say...

'We go to Earth to learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much,
But I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here.'

"So you see my dear sweet ones,
your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lesson's through.
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart
it's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start

Though some on earth may not realize,
you are a Mother.
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
and know that you are the best one!"

Mommy For A Moment

I was a mommy for a moment,
but that moment is gone.
Somebody please tell me,
What did I do wrong?
I never got to hold you in my arms,
or be filled with all your little charms.
You both were already very loved,
But there were greater plans for you above.

I was a mommy for a moment,
but that moment is gone.
Somebody told me,
That I did nothing wrong.
So why did God take you away?
That was the most heartbreaking day.
We'll never walk hand in hand,
We'll never build castles in the sand.

I was a mommy for a moment,
but that moment is gone.
I believe now,
I did nothing wrong.
God loves you so much, he called you home.
If only I would have known:
That I'd never hold you, or call your name,
Or even dance with you in the rain.

I was a mommy for a moment,
but that moment is gone.
Somebody please tell me,
Why is this pain I feel, so strong?
When I "saw" you, I felt such joy,
Wondering if you were a girl or a boy?
Then our family would be almost complete.

I was a mommy for a moment,
but that moment is gone.
Although the pain is great,
We try to carry on.
In the future, I hope you come back to me,
What a joyous day that would be.
But for now, we find comfort in God's arms,
Knowing you are safe from pain and harm.

I was a mommy for a moment,
but now that moment is gone.
The pain is strong, but God is stronger,
We will prevail for now and longer!

They Say Love is Blind

They say love is blind and you made this true.
I never got to place you in a outfit either pink or blue.
Never rocked you in my arms as you quietly slept.
Not one tear did I get to dry as you sadly wept.

I loved you none the less with all of my heart.
My world crashing down when we were torn apart.
I dream of you wrapped in a blanket of a white angel wing.
The lullaby you hear is the comfort I wanted to bring.

I still hold you everyday the only way I know how.
God doesn't take my love for you this much he does allow.
It is as stong as it would have been if I would have seen you.
After my journey in life is done I will carry my love through.

It will carry me straight to you, you will never be hard to find.
We will be together and I will hold the love that was blind.
Looking into eyes that are mine that show a soul I made.
I will place you upon my chest where you always should have laid.

They say love is blind and you made this come true.
I will place you in an outfit either pink or blue.
I will rock you in my arms as you quietly sleep.
I will dry your tears as you happily weep.

No farewell words were spoken,
no time to say good-bye,
you were gone before we knew it,
and only God knows why.

Laurie
Mommy to my angels
Katie, James, Sean, & Morgan

Please visit Morgan's sister and brothers by clicking on their names below ~
Katie
James
Sean

"You see, Wendy, when the first baby laughed for the first time, its laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies."
Sir James Matthew Barrie