Sometimes I'm afraid to be happy Enjoyment seems to be an experience not meant for me I always thought I'd lead a long sad existance a dim light that burns out so slowly But I never thought my time might be brief Not enough time for me to know..... oh, what's to become of me? Why did I land on this speck of dust only to be hurt and left on my own everything good is just out of reach and I'm much too sad to cry Oh, don't cry for me I'm in the dusk that follows me always in the dim light The sun has set and here I am 1999
No second chances You'll never ask and I'll never say yes No, not another try for us A relationship based on what won't be A commitment to look the other way If my glance accidently comes your way I'm certain nothing will be returned The emptiness of you is all I'll ever know of you Don't risk anything for me Don't even try Acknowledge my presence and you can trust gone I will be in a second Don't worry about a breach of this arrangement the rules work well for me I understand my role forever outside your life is where I belong 1999
He said he held the world in his hands and with a flash it could all be mine the moon, the stars and everything inbetween if only I believed his dreams and trusted all he said but when he opened his mouth his voice became hollow his words grew empty as a sky with no moon And I knew he had nothing in his hands that would have meaning to me I'll always believe in dreams and hope to touch the stars but I'll never believe a man who claims to hold such an elegant universe as this in a box 1999
Wait in pain Wait in vain I'll never hear what I really want to know these are the weaker moments when I think life should be fair and I should be able to live without anything getting in my way Please, go my way or go away Waiting for permission to be alive Waiting to feel something else I think emotional suspended animation is the way to survive when I'm not strong enough to smile & laugh as if I don't have the right Sometimes I wonder where I got these rules No one else gets any promises They are not condemned for wearing smiles when life is not 100% fantastic What would I defy if I were happy without knowing if I'm all right? 1999
Maybe it's time to get out of the darkness Maybe it's time to let some flowers grow I see the sun rising on the edge of town like a giant purple ghost hidding in the haze If I wait long enough it'll only grow brighter Do I dare stop feeling all this grief? that weighs on me and keeps me in one place Is it time to let go? of all I've lost Live for the love and all I have stop dwelling on the pain stop hiding in the haze When sadness becomes the order of the day it rules your life and you can't just turn away until you've done your time But falling in love is my only crime there's no restitution for a heart that's broken you wait until you've done your time Time to post bail plead my case Time to move out of this one emotion and soar through the fog with all those colors take new chances Time to put away my well-worn mourning cloak and walk into a new morning 1999
She's stuck in an imaginary marriage wondering how to get a fake divorce call a hacker from the dark side of the net and tell that guy to stop screaming poetry at me It's all real and it's all pretend you can't fall in love here, even though I did the wedding cake was never baked eat all you want it's very low cal and still some guy whispers to me - "hey baby, let's fuck" Never a more charming invitation have I ever received Is the groom really here? can we verify please that he does exist? And what's a wedding without a cyber brawl, a bit of SPAM and the c-sluts who wander in looking for hot men The maid of honor weighs 300 lbs and has not left her home in a year A memorable day I wore my pajamas and nibbled pizza as the choir of angels sang the reception was grand as I danced, my feet never touched the ground and the groom never returned It's nice to escape reality for awhile It's fun to pretend You can make a few friends, find the love of your life and travel to the four corners of the earth without leaving your chair Once this was small you could almost imagine it all but now everyone's here the c-sluts, the screaming poets and the imaginary brides that don't have anywhere else to go Oh, give me the days of the nerds and the pervs sure they were weird, but they understood make-believe and were not amazed by my techincal knowledge *heavy sigh* A monkey could do a better job of typing and if we're going to do it, you'd better learn how to spell 1999
I sold my soul to Satan on a Saturday afternoon and he got so pissed at me when I demanded a receipt He said he had a strict no return policy and refused to take cash because in God he didn't trust The kiosk dwelling demon growled at me, and went on to say I'm not Sears I'm not Dillards Sure I've got my minions out there creating havoc but when it comes to the soul biz, I'm the main man You sell your soul and expect a sure thing Expect to back out if things aren't as you like Well, it doesn't work that way in my shop If you want to borrow an experience go to the GAP buy an over priced t-shirt You take your chances when you do business with me I give no guarantees Just like buying a movie ticket The flick may be well reviewed, but you take a gamble every time your ticket stub is torn then he got right in my face and said with a smirk, And just how did you feel when you charged people 4 bucks to see Heaven's Gate? was he comparing me to him? Hey, I got paid minimum wage and ruled a movie theater box office, not all of Hell then he laughed at me and said if you let your dissatisfaction be known you'd be amazed how drastically things can change 1999
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Volume VIII
