Chapter 11: The Elf's Fate and a New Foe

The Whorish Rebel Elf spiraled for what seemed to be an eternity down the hole. When she at last arrived at her destination, an awful error had been made!!! The Posby species is notorious for its poor vision, and the poor Elf had fallen victim to it!! She was not at Mount Vesuvious after all- she was in the Land of DISCO!!!! At first the Elf was taken aback, but then she was wrapped up in the wonder of it all! She soon became a sensation on the dance floor, breakin out her best moves!!! Everyone wanted her, and because they all had cash, everyone got her. The poor Rebel Elf was lost in the day-dreamy world of disco...

The group took no notice, as they quickly departed, not looking back once. They were totally oblivious to poor Rebel Elf's predicament. They took to singing and dancing down the path of doom, singing many a wonderful tune. However, they dawdled so, and the Great Beater of the Aardvark had to get the team back onto the task at hand.

"Fellow fellows!" she cried. "As much fun as this singing and dancing is, we do not have time for such trivial matters! We must hurry to Mount Vesuvious, in case our comrade, the Whorish Rebel Elf is in trouble!! Let us go!!"

And so the group broke into a walk/slow jog. It was intense! The group walked/slow jogged along at a heart-stopping pace. Specifically, it stopped the Posby's heart. The poor Posby was weakened quite quickly without the strength of his apparatus to guide him, and so the GaoCow, a seasoned walker/slow jogger, helped him onto her back, and he spent the remainder of the walk/slow jog resting.

Meanwhile...
(for the first time this saga)
(the man who brought you THE GREAT DESTRUCTION)
DDDDDDDDDDOOOOOOOOCCCCCCCC, in his perch within the great Palace, spied upon our heroes through his crystal ball.

"WHAT IS THIS I SEE?!?!?! THEY HAVE BROKEN INTO A WALK/SLOW JOG!!! AT THE RATE THEY'RE WALKING/SLOW JOGGING, THEY MIGHT ACTUALLY ACHIEVE THEIR GOAL!!! I MUST STOP THEM!!!! I MUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Sent into a tizzy, Doc slowly rose to his feet, collapsed back onto his perch, tried to rise again, took a rest, made another attempt, and finally managed to pace about the room. He needed a brilliant plan, but it was so hard to think of one...so very very hard. Especially with his failing memory. But then...just as it was about to slip from his mind, he had it!!!


"YES!!!!!!!! I HAVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!"

He summoned his young henchman...NICHOLAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, NICHOLAS. Young Nicholas grew up an orphan on the dusty streets of Indiana. He was then captured by Doc during his other hostile takeover, the Great Find-A-New-Henchman-athon. He was raised and beaten over the years, although he remained youthful. In fact, Doc relied on that youthful energy so that Nicholas's attacks could be all the more ruthless. Nicholas had grown twisted and evil over the years, slowly growing into a perfectly horrid manifestation of pure wretchedness. Doc loved Nicholas for that reason alone.

Now, Nicholas hobbled up the stairs to his master. Doc towered over him, cackling.

"LISTEN, YOUNG NICHOLAS! YES, YES! LISTEN! MWAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!! SEE THIS BUMBLING BAND OF BUFFOONS?!? YOU MUST CRUSH THEIR CONNIVING CORPSES!!!!! YES!!!!!!! GO NOW, NICHOLAS, YOU NASTY NINNY!!!!!!!!"

And so Nicholas set out to STOP OUR HEROES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter 12: The Plot of Nicholas

Nicholas was a peculiar character. Though small and evil, he was not completely sane. Often, a koosh ball in hand, he would hobble at a terrifying speed around the lands of PCP, singing of the streets of Alaska (where he in fact, had never been, but his great aunt three times removed was a native polar bear). Doc simply loved the evil side of Nicholas, but when Nicholas got into his crazy moods, Doc was furious. He beat him often and threw his koosh ball to the guard dogs, but this did more harm then good, for after the seventh blow to the head, Nicholas started to loose brain cells. So, as Nicholas set out to capture the heros, he began to feel a little gitty.

"hardi hoo di har har i'm a big guitar tar and when I go to a bar bar I'll surely eat some smar smar SMAR!" he sang, for this is how the Nicholas talked (he seemed to be a strange mixture of antelope, cantaloupe, and a sort of rope that originated in France, causing him to be fluent in nonsense rhymes). But there was some sense in what Nicholas was saying. He had come to a large hole in the ground with emitting rumbling sounds. Being accustomed to the land, he hopped inside the hole, and sped down to the disco. "heh heh Nicholas likes to munchy crunchy but where is the whory whory to adory munch crunch munch?" muttered Nicholas as he sat down for a drink and some fries. He soon spotted an elf dancing on a stage in a leopard print bikini, not unlike the style of the Erin, the BRW invader of the land of Lake 2. In any event, Nicholas chuckled, and slid from his seat. Carefully he made his way across the floor, crawling on his belly through the tangled dancing legs. He reach! ed the whorish elf and suddenly changed into a dashing young hobbit, and began to breakdance. The elf starred in astonishment, and was instantly smitten. After dancing for quite a while, Nicholas, disguised as a young hobbit, slid over to the bar. The WRE strutted over and evil Nicholas bought her drinks until WRE could barely stand.

"Ah yes, I hear you like to travel with friendsy friendsy *cough* I mean, your friends?" said Nicholas, in a deep voice.

WRE almost tipped off her chair and laughed, "Haa haaa yeah hon me and my friends, we're going to PCP..." and this time fell flat on her back on the floor, knocking herself out. No one in the Disco noticed, for it was a strange and delirious place where people entered, and danced forever. All the bliss of materialistic things, no tomorrow... for it was always night in this dream like place. Once you entered, you could never leave, you simply danced forever. Luckily, Nicholas knew the way out, for he was a highly evil creature. This was lucky for WRE, but terrible at the same time. Nicholas threw the WRE over his shoulder and took flight (there were many odd powers he possessed) and out of the Disco they left.

"Lots of elvesy welvsy make a shelvesy bake me a itsy bitsy smitsy" chuckled Nicholas. He pulled a small crystal ball from his pocket and looked in to see the merry band of travelers further down the Path of Doom. Then, he seemed to evaporate, and fall into the body of the WRE. All that could be seen on the moss outside the hole to the Disco was a whorish elf, lying along. She sat up, and looked around. Cackling, she said in a husky voice "Travelers travelers where have you dabblers bring me some adlburs durs durs!" Then she coughed and said, "I mean, I must catch up with my friends, if we should ever reach the lands of Point Counterpoint!" Giggling, she took flight to rejoin her posse... only... this WRE was not our Whorish Rebel Elf, who our heroes will warmly greet...

Nicholas had possessed the Whorish Rebel Elf.

Chapter 13: GASP! Not Chapter Thirteen!

It turns out the WRE and the evil Nicholas had exited the disko at a point fairly far along the Path of Doom. So the next morning, Cow, plunging along in the lead with the Posby securely on her back and the Beater close behind, stumbled upon a very hung over Whorish Nicholas Elf. (The DPL was lagging a bit behind, skipping on her peg legs and slapping her claws in time to the beat as she sang "Drunken Sailor.") The WNE mumbled, "So nice to see my friends hends mends the sends..... I mean, you dudes missed a great party!" The friends exchanged worried glances, shrugged, and let her drink a little of the Gao Cow's precious milk to relieve her hangover. Once the WNE had her wits about her, she explained to them the Land of Disko. The friends listened in awe, and decided they'd have to check it out on the way home. I the mean time, they had a job to do!

The skipped on merrily down the path until they came to a fork in the road. There was a sign with two arrows, each pointing to a different path. One path was light and happy and airy. About twenty feet down the road the gang could see a sign that said, "This is a Nicholas-free zone. Please do not take Nicholas' beyond this point. Thank you!" The WNE saw this sign and became quite alarmed. (S)he quickly glanced at the road sign and noticed it said, "This way to coninue Chapter 13" In mock alarm, she turned to her friends and cried out, "OH NO! We're in Chapter 13!!!!" The other friends looked at each other and cried out things like, "NO! It couldn't be! Impossible! Lets get out of here!" (In fact, if this were a play, the stage direction would read, other friends ad-lib, so imagine that exchange was an ad-lib.) So without even noticing that the sign down the dark, twiste! d, funny-smelling path read, "This way to certain doom and destruction," they ran hollering and whooping down that very path and safely escaped chapter 13. They'd falled into the clutches of evil Nicholas.

Chapter 14:

Unfortunately for Nicholas, he was not very good at possession (due his loss of brain cells) and therefore was not successful is eliminating his own physical body and therefore mistakenly transported WRE's soul into his body. Of course, since WRE was still drunk in her soul (the disco served very strong alcohol), she wasn't a problem at the moment and was still sleeping soundly under the Bonsai Tree (in the shape of an apparatus) where Nicholas had posessed her, giving little Nicky a few hours head start. But eventually she did awaken afresh from dreaming pleasurable dreams of an odd, but very sexy little hobbit. Upon awakening she was a little delirious and wondered how she came to be under this oddly shaped (but pleasurably shaped) tree, as last she could recollect she had being at the disco. She shook this notion off and decided she should probably set off in search of her friends so that they could continue their journey. However, she was interrupted by increasing gusts of wind that strongly shook the earth. As the winds calmed, a ghostly apparation of Doc floated above the ground.

"Doc!" she gasped.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he boomed.
"I... I..." Nicholas, who was really Jenny, started.
"Didn't I send you on a mission to destroy those nasty alumini campers? And what are you doing here? Sleeping under an apparatus-shaped tree? GET TO WORK!" And just like that, he vanished.

"Oh no," thought Jenny. "Doc is trying to kill us... I have to go warn us... but wait! Us? Why did he tell me that he was going to kill us? That's preposterous! I'm obviously also an alumini camper... is Doc nuts? Maybe his old age and loss of hair is catching up to him... that's impossible... unless..." she looked down at herself aghast. She had taken the shape of Nicholas!

"WHERE IS MY BODY?!" she screamed. She clutched at her non-existent chest and experience the pain and loss that had been experienced by the Posby. She pulled her hair and wept sorrowfully. But like any good whore, she did not let her emotions control her physical body (which wasn't really hers) and calmed herself and began to think. She concluded the following:
-If I am in Nicholas' body, he must be in my body
-Since Nicholas is not here, he must be somewhere else
-Since Doc apparently ordered him to track down my friends and myself, he must be on the way to my friends or already with them
-Since Doc ordered Nicholas to kill my friends and myself, he must be preparing to... KILL US!

Nicholas (who was really Jenny) gasped! She must hurry to find her friends, and down the path she ran which the rest of the crowd had walked/slow jogged. She ran 26 miles and won the local pigeons' marathon. It is said that when one is put under stress, he displays maniac superhuman stregnth. But since Jenny was not really human and she wasn't even in her own body, this does not apply. Exhausted she arrived at the edge of a deep dark forest. From within it, she heard her own voice.

"Kill campers, kill schmill grill them, kill the camper, grill the campers."

And then...
"What do you think you're doing Jenny? Are you out of your mind?"
"Get that fire away from my udders!"

Jenny tore into the forest to aid her friends.

Chapter 15: Battle to the Death (sorry if Miss Gao is too good for chapter titles now)

The elf charged forward. The alcohol had worn off, and she knew exactly what she had to do. Nicholas' little mutant feet had never moved so fast because he had never been motivated enough. The Rebel Elf was driven by pure adrenaline (although her sexual stamina didn't hurt either) as she raced to save the lives of her friends, and possibly the future of the world as they knew it.

When she arrived on the scene, she saw what she had feared the most. The Gao Cow, her lover, her friend, was on her back, unconcious. The elf raced to her body "NOOOO!!!!". But before she could reach the cow, she was pulled from behind.

"Muhahahaha! I havey you in my little wittle bittle clutchies."

"Oh god. I don't sound sexy at all when I speak in rhyme." The elf made a mental note never to engage in Dr. Seuss role playing games with her customers. Then, in one swift motion, she grabbed a dagger from Nicholas' belt (which he had convienently left on before switching bodies) and drew first blood.
***
The Dread Pirate brushed the dust and ash off of her eye patch and steadied herself on her peg leg. Through the bush she had been thrown into, she spotted a strange sight. There was Nicholas, the evil henchman of Doc himself, and the whorish elf engaged in a bloody swordfight. The good pirate's head stung in agony and confusion. What in the name of Blackbeard was going on? Something was not right...

The Beater appeared from the woods to the left of the pirate. Her long blond hair was now stained with blood and matted to her head. "Good God, Beater Laura, what has happened to you?"

"You need to ask? After Jenny went psycho and attacked you and Dr. Gao, she came for me next. By the way, you don't look too good yourself..."

The Pirate looked down in dismay to see that blood was running down her peg leg, emanating from a gash in the soft part of her lobster cartillage. "Why would she do this? I mean, she's always been a little sketchy, but not outright violent!"

The wise Beater was staring through the trees, lost in thought. "I do believe that a transformation has occured. Look," she pointed to the two small warriors in the clearing. "Nicholas is moving with supple, sinuous ease, while the elf is hopping around spasmically, spewing gibberish! Don't you see it? While the elf was in the tunnel, Nicholas must have stolen her body!"

The Lobster gasped. "You're right! How could I not have noticed! We must warn the others quick! Then we will attack Nicholas!" She began to scamper away in search of the others.

"HOLD UP! We don't know the consequences of this. If we kill Nicholas in Jenny's body, which one will we be killing?"

"I guess that's a chance we'll have to take," said the lobster, with the fury of a dread pirate in her beady little eyes.
***
Meanwhile, the posby lay at the bottom of Lake Dunmore, gasping for air.

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