April 2002
Friendship and the World
I need to be pried away from my biases. That seems to be an understatement considering that most human beings like predictability. In that predictability, I find, my thinking is halted or at least stunted. When that occurs, I become so narrow minded that I cease to grow as a person. Friendship is where I find my path to the world, the challenges that keep my thinking fresh, and ultimately, free.
Friendships are like books. While reading Longitude, a non fiction work by Dava Sobel, I allied myself with the subject of the book, John Harrison and quickly saw him as the hero of the story, a rather narrow view I have come to realize. Harrison was the first person to build a devise to be able to calculate longitude at sea, enabling seamen to avoid shipwreck and getting them safely to their intended destinations. The prize of 20,000 pounds (over 1 million dollars in today' money) offered by the government of England to the first person to invent such a device created a competition among the scientists of the day. Of course, the story is a great one, as I envisioned one Nevil Maskelyne, a rival of Harrison, as the devil incarnate? However, when the author credited Makelyne's theory with being a valuable part of the research which led to safe navigation of the seas, even though Harrison's was better and first, I felt a little ashamed for having not given Maskelyne his due credit. Like a good friend, the author gently reminded me that the world is not black and white, that I need to look at the world from many points of view. She expanded my world.
I look at my friendships the same way. I have two very close friends who--when we sit and talk over coffee--share very similar experiences with their own lives. These discussions are challenging because they force us to strip away the natural biases of our environments. Challenge is the foundation of any good friendship.
When a friend asks gentle questions, but questions that cause us to think about ourselves, our decisions in life, we should be forever grateful. Arriving at my office recently, I complained passionately about an administrator who had taken a position on a curriculum matter which was very different than mine. My office mate, choosing his words carefully, suggested that perhaps I should rethink my position. Furthermore, and with even more gentleness, he went on to suggest that perhaps the position taken by other administrators might be considered, in some circles, as being quite reasonable. During those brief moments, he opened my mind to learn new possibilities.
Like that book, a friend asks nothing more of you than to consider a more worldly view. Understanding the world and, therefore myself, gives life meaning. We also seem to need others in our lives. Many will be acquaintances, a few will be friends. The friends are the ones that make our world make sense. The friends are the ones, as when we travel to new places, make us realize that world is a very big place and worth exploring. While friends are often away, I find many a friend in some of the great books that I have had the opportunity to read.