A Bucket or a Dipper?
You have heard of the cup that overflowed. This is a story of a bucket that is like the cup, only larger, it is an invisible bucket. Everyone has one. It determines how we feel about ourselves, about others, and how we get along with people. Have you ever experienced a series of very favorable things which made you want to be good to people for a week? At that time, your bucket was full.
A bucket can be filled by a lot of things that happen. When a person speaks to you, recognizing you as a human being, your bucket is filled a little. Even more if he calls you by name, especially if it is the name you like to be called. If he compliments you on your dress or on a job well done, the level in your bucket goes up still higher. There must be a million ways to raise the level in another's bucket. Writing a friendly letter, remembering something that is special to him, knowing the names of his children, expressing sympathy for his loss, giving him a hand when his work is heavy, taking time for conversation, or, perhaps more important, listing to him.
When one's bucket is full of this emotional support, one can express warmth and friendliness to people. But, remember, this is a theory about a bucket and a dipper. Other people have dippers and they can get their dippers in your bucket. This, too, can be done in a million ways.
Lets say I am at a dinner and inadvertently upset a glass of thick, sticky chocolate milk that spills over the table cloth, on a lady's skirt, down onto the carpet. I am embarrassed. "Bright Eyes" across the table says, "You upset that glass of chocolate milk." I made a mistake, I know I did, and then he told me about it! He got his dipper in my bucket! Think of the times a person makes a mistake, feels terrible about it, only to have someone tell him about the known mistake ("Red pencil" mentality!)
Buckets are filled and buckets are emptied ? emptied many times because people don't really think about what are doing. When a person's bucket is emptied, he is very different than when it is full. You say to a person whose bucket is empty, "That is a pretty tie you have," and he may reply in a very irritated, defensive manner.
Although there is a limit to such an analogy, there are people who seem to have holes in their buckets. When a person has a hole in his bucket, he irritates lots of people by trying to get his dipper in their buckets. This is when he really needs somebody to pour it in his bucket because he keeps losing.
The story of our lives is the interplay of the bucket and the dipper. Everyone has both. The unyielding secret of the bucket and the dipper is that when you fill another's bucket it does not take anything out of your own bucket. The level in our own bucket gets higher when we fill another's, and, on the other hand, when we dip into another's bucket we do not fill our own ... we lose a little.
For a variety of reasons, people hesitate filling the bucket of another and consequently do not experience the fun, joy, happiness, fulfillment, and satisfaction connected with making another person happy. Some reasons for this hesitancy are that people think it sounds "fakey," or the other person will be suspicious of the motive, or it is "brown-nosing."
Therefore, let us put aside our dipper and resolve to touch someone's life in order to fill their bucket.
Just a Little Smile
Mark was walking home from school one day when he noticed the boy ahead of him had tripped and dropped all of the books he was carrying, along with two sweaters, a baseball bat, a glove and a small tape recorder. Mark knelt down and helped the boy pick up the scattered articles. Since they were going the same way, he helped to carry part of the burden. As they walked Mark discovered the boy's name was Bill, that he loved video games, baseball and history, and that he was having lots of trouble with his other subjects and that he had just broken up with his girlfriend.
They arrived at Bill's home first and Mark was invited in for a Coke and to watch some television. The afternoon passed pleasantly with a few laughs and some shared small talk, then Mark went home. They continued to see each other around school, had lunch together once or twice, then both graduated from junior high school. They ended up in the same high school where they had brief contacts over the years. Finally the long awaited senior year came and three weeks before graduation, Bill asked Mark if they could talk.
Bill reminded him of the day years ago when they had first met. "Did you ever wonder why I was carrying so many things home that day?" asked Bill. "You see, I cleaned out my locker because I didn't want to leave a mess for anyone else. I had stored away some of my mother's sleeping pills and I was going home to commit suicide. But after we spent some time together talking and laughing, I realized that if I had killed myself, I would have missed that time and so many others that might follow. So you see, Mark, when you picked up those books that day, you did a lot more. You saved my life."
Cure for Sorrow
There is an old Chinese tale about a woman whose only son died. In her grief, she went to the holy man and said, "What prayers, what magical incantations do you have to bring my son back to life?"
Instead of sending her away or reasoning with her, he said to her, "Fetch me a mustard seed from a home that has never known sorrow. We will use it to drive the sorrow out of your life." The woman went off at once in search of that magical mustard seed.
She came first to a splendid mansion, knocked at the door, and said, "I am looking for a home that has never known sorrow. Is this such a place? It is very important to me."
They told her, "You've certainly come to the wrong place," and began to describe all the tragic things that recently had befallen them.
The woman said to herself, "Who is better able to help these poor, unfortunate people that I, who have had misfortune of my my own?"
She stayed to comfort them, then went on in search of a home that had never known sorrow. But wherever she turned, in hovels and in other places, she found one tale after another of sadness and misfortune.
She became so involved in ministering to other people's grief that ultimately she forgot about her quest for the magical mustard seed, never realizing that it had, in fact, driven the sorrow out of her life.
Tommy's Essay
Soon Tommy's parents, who had recently separated, would arrive for a conference on his failing schoolwork and disruptive behavior. Neither parent knew that I had summoned the other.
Tommy, an only child, had always been happy, cooperative, and an excellent student. How could I convince his father and mother that his recent failing grades represented a brokenhearted child's reaction to his adored parents' separation and pending divorce?
Tommy's mother entered and took one of the chairs I had placed near my desk. Then the father arrived. They pointedly ignored each other.
As I gave a detailed account of Tommy's behavior and schoolwork, I prayed for the right words to bring these two together to help them see what they were doing to their son. But somehow the words wouldn't come. Perhaps if they saw one of his smudged, carelessly done papers.
I found a crumpled, tear-stained sheet stuffed in the back of his desk. Writing covered both sides, a single sentence scribbled over and over.
Silently I smoothed it out and gave it to Tommy's mother. She read it and then without a word handed it to her husband. He frowned. Then his face softened. He studied the scrawled words for what seemed an eternity.
At last he folded the paper carefully and reached for his wife's outstretched hand. She wiped the tears from her eyes and smiled up at him. My own eyes were brimming, but neither seemed to notice.
In his own way God had given me the words to reunite that family. He had guided me to the sheet of yellow copy paper covered with the anguished outpouring of a small boy's troubled heart.
"Dear Mother . . . Dear Daddy . . . I love you . . . I love you . . . I love you."
Differ-ability
I admire Leslie for his positive attitude and outlook even with MS. I was "able" one day and the next day "disabled" due to a brain tumor I didn't know I had. If was discovered one day, removed the next, but left me unable to do the things I was accustomed to doing. I planned a great pity party, but guess what? Nobody came!
I should have known better. I know too much about the love of the Lord to wallow in self-pity. So I can't do what I use to do; but God has given me the ability to do different things - things I never could do before! So I stop saying I have a disability - I have a differ-ability!
And it's great! I've met people I never would have before, discovered hidden talents, made differences in the lives of others. No, I can't claim that everyday has been sunshine and roses, or that I don't occasionally miss the life I had or don't get frustrated about the things I can no longer do. But those times are becoming fewer and fewer.
One important lesson I've learned is humility. I was so self sufficient, divorced, an ex-husband who did not pay child support as ordered. Two children to raise on my own. But through the grace of God, I did it. They are adults now and I had planned the rest of my life out for me.
But then, the illness. All my plans for living on my own, doing for myself, gone. I now have to allow others to help me do even menial task - when I want to do it myself! I always have! But I've learned to be humble, accept love and help from others and just say "thank-you" and not feel ashamed. It's a humbling experience that I didn't know I needed.
However, I thank God for showing me my differ-ability, the different things I can do, the difference I can make.
The Butcher and the Dog
A butcher watching over his shop is really surprised when he saw a dog coming inside the shop.
He shoos him away. But later, the dog is back again. So, he goes over to the dog and notices
he has a note in his mouth. He takes the note and it reads "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg
of lamb, please. The dog has money in his mouth, as well."
The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, there is a ten dollar Note there. So he takes the money and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is so impressed, and since it's about closing time, he decides to shut up shop and follow the dog.
So off he goes. The dog is walking down the street when he comes To a level crossing.
The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way.
The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and then sits on one of the seats provided. Along comes a bus. The dog walks around to the front, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat.
Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it's the right bus, and climbs on. The butcher, by now, open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus.
The bus travels through the town and out into the suburbs, the dog Looking at the scenery. Eventually he gets up, and moves to the front of the bus. He stands on 2 back paws and pushes the button to stop the bus. Then he gets off, his groceries still in his mouth.
Well, dog and butcher are walking along the road, and then the dog turns into a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step.
Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself against the door. He goes back down the path, runs up to the door and again, it throws himself against it. There's no answer at the house, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to the window, and beats his head against it
several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door.
The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog, kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him.
The butcher runs up, and stops the guy. "What in heaven's name are You doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me!" to which the guy responds: "You call this clever? This is the second time this week that this stupid dog's forgotten his key."
The Bull and the Bear
Once upon a time there lived a bear in a cave deep in the woods. Nearby was a meadow in which a farmer kept his cattle -- and one large, ferocious-looking bull. Each day the bear hid at the edge of the woods, watching the bull. The bear was known as the strongest, most fierce creature for miles around. No other beast in the forest dared to tangle with him. As the bear watched the bull peacefully gazing, he wondered which one of them would win a test of strength. He thought about this for many days. Then one morning he decided to challenge the bull to a fight to the finish.
The bull had just chomped down on a fresh clump of clover when he looked up and saw the bear barreling across the meadow toward him. He stopped chewing. The red flag of danger popped up in his head. The bear skidded to a halt in front of him. The bull lowered his head menacingly, his sharp horns aimed right for the bear's throat. For long moments they stood in place -- eyeball to eyeball -- neither one of them moving. Finally the bull grew tired of the stare-down and asked, "What do you want, Bear?"
"I want to fight you," growled the bear.
"Why?" asked the bull.
"Because, I want to prove that I am a stronger and better fighter than you are."
The bull laughed. "I thought you really wanted something. You can't possibly win against me. I have sharp horns that can cause terrible injuries."
"And my claws are sharp and quick," the bear shot back. "I have defeated many an enemy -- anyone who would harm my cubs or take away my mate. I am the king of the forest!"
"Then go back to the forest," the bull bluntly advised. "This is the meadow."
The bear blinked in surprise. "I beg your pardon..."
"I mean, what's the point of me fighting with you?" the bull asked. "What would that prove? We are not enemies. I have not harmed your cubs or taken your mate."
"It would prove that I am the strongest."
"Okay," said the bull, smiling. "I'll buy that. You are strongest. Now leave and let me graze in peace."
"Just one cotton-pickin' minute. What do you mean by that?" The bear raised a club-like paw. "I will tear you to shreds. Defend yourself."
"What you do is up to you," the bull answered calmly. "But if you do, what will all your friends -- the ones who are watching us right now -- think about you?"
"They will think that I am the strongest," yelled the frustrated bear.
"I don't think so. I do not choose to fight you just because you choose to fight with me. I would only fight to defend one of the cows in my care. If you attack one of them, then I'd be obliged to give you a good lashing."
"I can't attack them," protested the bear. "They can't fight back. There would be no victory to it."
"Exactly," answered the bull. "But what if you did? And what if I should try to defend them? What if something should happen to me? Who would protect them then? You? Would you trust me to protect your cubs if something happened to you? What would happen to your family if you lose the fight?"
"I never thought of that," said the bear.
"Go back into the woods, Bear," said the bull as he turned to walk away. "Live in peace. And I will stay in the meadow and do the same."
The bear turned toward the woods. He had come spoiling for a fight -- to prove which one was the strongest. But he had learned an important lesson from a very wise bull. In peace, there are no losers.
A New Perspective
Leaving for work one morning, I noticed that my newspaper hadn't been delivered yet. Since I always brought it to work, it upset me that I would have to stop at the store and pick one up. I was already running late, but figured I could make it if I hurried. This would really throw a monkey wrench into my morning though and it was putting me in a bad mood.
As I pulled into the parking lot of the store, I noticed a young man ina wheel chair at the far end of the lot who seemed to be struggling. "I'm sure he's all right", I thought, "or if he's not, someone else will stop and help him."
Judging by the customers and cars that were passing him by, I guess they were thinking the same thing. I got out, and walked over to see what the trouble was.
"Is there anything I can do?" I asked. It was then that I noticed he wasn't able to speak, and was still struggling with the chair.
"Is there someone I can call for you? I said. He still couldn't give me any indication.
I looked down at the chair and noticed that the clamps holding the electronic keyboard and chair controls had apparently loosened causing the equipment to slip down, out of his reach.
"Is this the problem?" I said, as I pulled it back into place, hoping I wasn't doing more damage than good. I then re-tightened the clamps. His hand jerked over to the keyboard and he hit a single key. An electronic voice told me, "Thank-you." He then found the toggle control that steered the chair, turned and left.
I got back in my car and headed off to work, completely forgetting my newspaper. As I drove, I felt a gratitude come over me like I had never felt before! I was truly blessed to have the physical abilities that allow me to live a normal life.
Here was this young man who relied on a mechanical chair to get him around and a voice simulator to communicate. He probably dreamed about doing all the things that I take for granted every day. I vowed from now on, not to take those things for granted anymore. I would be grateful to God for his blessings that could be gone tomorrow.
It's funny, fifteen minutes before that happened, I was whining because my morning paper hadn't arrived on time. I'm glad I was able to help the young man, but more importantly, he was able to help me gain a new perspective on my priorities in life.
The 90/10 Secret
Very few know and apply this secret. The result? Millions of people are suffering undeserved stress, trials, problems, and heartache. They never seem to be a success in life. Bad days follow bad days. Terrible things seem to be constantly happening. Theirs is constant stress, lack of joy, and broken relationships. Worry consumes time, anger breaks friendships, and life seems dreary and is not enjoyed to the fullest.. Friends are lost. Life is a bore and often seems cruel.
Does this describe you? If so, do not be discouraged. You can be different!. Understand and apply the 90/10 secret. It will change your life!
What is this secret? 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react.
What does this mean? We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane may be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%.
The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%! How? By your reaction. You cannot control a red light, but you can control your reaction. Don't let people fool you, YOU can control how you react!
Let's use an example. You're eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened. What happens next will be determined by how you react. You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the coffee cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup to close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit zone. After a 15 minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs to the building without saying good-bye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase.
Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to going home. When you arrive home you find a small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.
Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the Policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?
The answer is D. You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.
Here is what could have and should have happened. Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say "It's OK honey, you just need to be more careful next time".
Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase. You come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You and your spouse kiss before you both go to work. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good of day you are having.
Notice the difference? Two different scenarios. Both started the same.
Both ended different. Why? Because of how you REACTED. You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% is determined by your reaction.
Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 secret. If someone says something negative about you, do not be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You do not have to let the negative comment affect you!
React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out, etc.
How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you loose your temper? Pound the steering wheel? Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them? WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the blue car ruin your drive.
Remember the 90-10 principle, and do not worry about it! You are told you lost your job. Why lose sleep or get irritated? It will work out.
Use your "worrying" energy and time into finding another job. The plane is late. It is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take out your frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on. Use your time to study, to get to know the other passengers, etc. Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse.
You now know the 90-10 secret. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results!!!
Toilet Facilities
A story is told about a lady who was rather old-fashioned, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language. She and her husband were planning a week's vacation in Florida, so she wrote to a particular campground asking for a reservation.
However, she wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn't quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the word "toilet" in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old-fashioned term BATHROOM COMMODE. But when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So she started all over again and rewrote the entire letter referring to the bathroom commode merely as the BC. "Does the campground have it's own BC?" is what she actually wrote.
Well, the campground owner wasn't old-fashioned at all, and when he got the letter, he just couldn't figure out what the woman was talking about. That BC question really stumped him.
After worrying about it for awhile, he showed the letter to several campers, but they couldn't imagine what the lady meant either. So the campground owner, finally coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about he local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the following reply:
Dear Madam:
I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I am pleased to inform you that a BC is located only nine miles north of the campground, and is capable of seating 250 people at one time. Yes, it is some distance away, if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a lot of people take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late. It is such a beautiful facility and the acoustics are marvelous. Even the normal delivery sounds can be heard by everyone in the building.
The last time my wife and I went was about six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that a buffet dinner is being planned to raise money to buy more seats. They are going to hold it on the patio of the BC.
It pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it surely is no lack of desire on my part. As we grow old, it seems to be more of an effort to go, particularly in cold weather.
Yours truly,
Campground Director
Mrs Thompson
Her name was Mrs. Thompson. As she stood in front of
her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she
told the children a lie.
Like most teachers, she looked at her students and
said that she loved them all the same. But that was
impossible, because there in the front row,slumped in
his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard.
Mrs.Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and
noticed that he didn't play well with the other children
that his clothes were messy and that he constantly
needed a bath.And Teddy could be unpleasant. It got to
the point where Mrs.Thompson would actually take delight
in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold
X's and then putting a big "F" at the top of his papers.
At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was
required to review each child's past records and she put
Teddy's off until last. However, when she reviewed his
file, she was in for a surprise.
Teddy's first grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is a bright
child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and
has good manners...he is a joy to be around."
His second grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is an
excellent student, well liked by his classmates, but he
is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness
and life at home must be a struggle."
His third grade teacher wrote, "His mother's death
has been hard on him. He tries to do his best, but his
father doesn't show much interest and his home life will
soon affect him if some steps aren't taken."
Teddy's fourth grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is
withdrawn and doesn't show much interest in school. He
doesn't have many friends and he sometimes sleeps in
class."
By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she
was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her
students brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in
beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy's.
His present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown
paper that he got from a grocery bag.
Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of
the other presents. Some of the children started to
laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of
the stones missing, and a bottle that was one quarter
full of perfume.
But she stifled the children's laughter when she
exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on,
and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist.
Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long
enough to say, "Mrs.Thompson, today you smelled just
like my Mom used to," After the children left she cried
for at least an hour. On that very day, she quit
teaching reading, and writing, and arithmetic. Instead,
she began to teach children.
Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As
she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The
more she encouraged him, the faster he responded.
By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of
smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that
she would love all the children the same, Teddy became
one of her"teacher's pets."
A year later, she found a note under her door, from
Teddy, telling her that she was still the best teacher
he ever had in his whole life.
Six years went by before she got another note from
Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school,
third in his class, and she was still the best teacher
he ever had in his whole life.
Four years after that, she got another letter, saying
that while things had been tough at times, he'd stayed
in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate
from college with the highest of honors. He assured
Mrs.Thompson that she was still the best and favorite
teacher he ever had in his whole life.
Then four more years passed and yet another letter
came. This time he explained that after he got his
bachelor's degree, he decided to go a little further.
The letter explained that she was still the best and
favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a
little longer -- the letter was signed,Theodore F.
Stoddard, MD.
The story doesn't end there. You see, there was yet
another letter that spring. Teddy said he'd met this
girl and was going to be married. He explained that his
father had died a couple of years ago and he was
wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit in the
place at the wedding that was usually reserved for the
mother of the groom. Of course, Mrs.Thompson did.
And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with
several rhinestones missing. And she made sure she was
wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother
wearing on their last Christmas together. They hugged
each other,and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs.Thompson's
ear, "Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank
you so much for making me feel important and showing me
that I could make a difference."
Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered
back. She said, "Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were
the one who taught me that I could make a difference.I
didn't really know how to teach until I met you."
Please remember that wherever you go, and whatever
you do, you will have the opportunity to touch and/or
change a person's outlook.
Please try to do it in a positive way:
"Friends
are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have
trouble remembering how to fly"