Jayne: You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and beat you with until you understand who's in ruttin' command here.
Mal: This is why we lost you know, superior numbers.
Zoë: Thanks for the reenactment, sir
Mal: See, this is another sign of your tragic space dementia, all paranoid and crotchety. Breaks the heart.
Mal: Kaylee, what the hell's going on in the engine room? Were there monkeys? Some terrifying space monkeys maybe got loose?
Captain Reynolds: He's not the first psycho to hire us nor the last. You think that's a commentary on us?
Jayne: Time for some thrilling heroics.
Mal: You know, they tell ya to never hit a man with a closed fist but it is, on occasion, hilarious.
Book: If you take sexual advantage of that girl, you're going to burn in a very special level of Hell, a level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.
Zoë: Next time we smuggle stock, let's make it something smaller.
Wash: Yeah, we should start dealing in those black market beagles.
Mal: Well look at this. 'Pears we got here just in the nick of time. What does that make us?
Zoë: Big damn heroes, sir.
Mal: Ain't we just.
Zoë: Shepard, isn't the Bible kind of specific about killing?
Book: Very specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzy around the area of kneecaps
Simon: I've never shot anyone before.
Book: I was there, son. I'm fairly sure you haven't shot anyone yet.
Mal: You know, you ain't quite right.
River: It's a popular theory.
Sir Warrick Harrow: I know Badger and I think he's a psychotic lowlife.
Mal: And I think calling him that is an insult to the psychotic lowlife community.
Tracey: If you can't run, you crawl, and if you can't do that...
Zoë: You find someone to carry you.
Jayne: [over radio] Oh, now, girl, that is just plain dirty.
Mal: [into radio] Jayne, you are aware your radio's transmittin'? 'Cause I don't feel particularly girlish or dirty at the moment.