The Fantastic Funk Brothers

(This column originally appeared online on September 14, 1998. It is being repeated by popular demand. Thanks!--Percival)

Bobby Hart (the masked Patriot) and I had been in the Amarillo territory and had beaten the best they had to offer. Local stars like Mack Quinder, Alex Perez, Nick and Jerry Kozak, Ricky Romero and Terry Funk....just to name a few. We had issued a public challenge to Dory Funk Jr. to meet us any time... any place, since he was practically undefeated.

Dory must have been waiting for the right time to accept and for the issue to be a personal one. I had went on T.V. and put the challenge to him to wrestle The Patriot in a winner take all match and if he were to beat him.... he would get 5 minutes in the ring with me. I was so confident that Dory would fall like the others that I put my own body on the line.

That proved to be the worst night I ever had in the business and to this day makes me wonder how I slipped into that train of thought.

As we pulled up to the special area where we parked, it was full. Odessa, Texas had not seen this much excitement since the big oil strike that turned the area into a boom. My hands were shaking as I preparing to get my special bag out of the trunk that had my wrestling gear in it. I grabbed the bag and then suddenly tossed it back in and carried my regular suitcase into the arena, so confident that I would not need it tonight.

Some kids came a running up to me and The Patriot and started yelling "Your gonna get yours tonight Percy...Dory won't give that old Patriot a minute's peace until he gets his hands on you." I quickly got into the building and into the dressing room before those kids got too close and proceeded to get ready for the Main Event.

Patriot (Bobby Hart) began by stripping down to his shorts and doing some deep knee bends and pushups ...trying to get the 300 mile trip out of his system. He was a pool of sweat when Pat O'Dowdy walked into our room. Pat looked at him and said...Hey guys Dory just walked in on crutches and he don't look too good. I got a big smile on my face and stuck out my hand to thank him for that bit of info and he broke into a laugh so loud you could hear him clear to Monahans.

I didn't know you guys were that gullible to believe a story like that. Why....Dory is in the best shape in his life and he told me to tell you guys to get ready for the wrestling lesson of your life. Then he poked his finger into my arm and said....and you better put those twinkies down and get on the floor with Bobby and do some kind of workout. He left as fast as he came in and I just set there on the floor trying to think of what our next move would be.

The semi-main event came back into the dressing room area and the Ref said to us....Get ready ... your on next. I had been working with Bobby on a hold we called the Watergate Roll. It was a reverse knee lock and then you rolled your opponent over and over around the ring until they submit. I had plans to have Dory put into the hold and maybe break his leg or put his knee cap up into the middle of his leg. I CERTAINLY had NO intentions ofwrestling a man that held the NWA title for over 4 years getting his hands on me.

Dory was already in the ring signing autographs when we arrived. I was still in my ring attire and had not gotten out my outfit or put on any wrestling gear. I had put all my thoughts about the 5 minutes I would have to spend in the ring with Dory Funk Jr. behind me and the only goal in mind was watching The Patriot beat the living hell out of this West Texas Goat Roper.

Dory and The Patriot battled back and forth for nearly 20 minutes when Bobby caught him in that Watergate Roll and was dragging him all over the ring when Dory suddenly grabbed the ropes and broke the hold. He fell out of the ring and was getting counted when I hollered to Bobby and told him to toss him into the ring and do him in. When Bobby jumped out to get Dory...that broke the count.... Bobby threw him in and then stopped to argue with some dirty, Levi-wearing bum at ringside and gave Dory the chance to regroup himself.

When the Patriot returned to the ring Dory was flat on his back....waiting for him. As Bobby started to cover him...Dory grabbed him in a front face lock...rolled him onto his back and put the spinning toe hold on him and made him GIVE UP......

The bell rang and the match was awarded to Dory who looked at me starting to back away from ringside. I wasn't about to just climb into that ring on my own...I felt somebody grab me by the shoulders and turned my head just in time to see Terry Funk throwing me into the ring. Dory had them ring the bell and started towards me. Being the gentleman I am... I stuck out my hand in an act of friendship and was dragged into the corner turnbuckles with the velocity of a high speed drag racer. If you ever wondered what it feels like to hit those turnbuckles....Its like standing on the running board of a Jeep traveling at about 60 miles and hour and reaching out and grabbing a mail box.

Dory then proceeded to body slam me with the thought of driving me through the mat. Once ...twice.... and when he grabbed me the third time I dropped down and drew him into a small package. The one sided ref had no choice but to count Dory's shoulders down. 1.....2.....and I thought to myself what would people think If I pinned the former World's champ.??? Suddenly Dory kicked out at the 3 count. He then proceeded to putting me into the spinning toe hold. I passed out and woke up in the dressing room with a huge bandage around my right knee.

Bobby had jumped into the ring and broke the hold. Terry Funk leaped into the ring and he and the Patriot fought all the way back to the dressing room area. I was told that Big Moose Morowski came to the ring and carried me back to my dressing room and wrapped my knee up.

We returned 2 weeks later in a tag match with Moose as our partner and faced the Funk Brothers. That's another story for another time.

I could only imagine what the headlines in Wrestling Revue might have read had I been able to hold unto that small package???? Would they really have done me the justice that I rightfully deserved????

I don't think I would ever want to put myself into that position ever again. Feeling the Funk Force on your body is enough to make anybody want to retire.

That's the way it was...

Percival A. Friend, Retired
The Epitome of Wrestling Managers