Wherever You Are Is Home Chapter Five - "Entirely Unexpected" It is 1401 in the Shire Reckoning Pippin is eleven, Merry is 19, Sam is 21 and Frodo is 32/33 And dear old Bilbo is, of course, eleventy-one "Bilbo is up to something." Frodo said quietly. "How do you know that?" Merry asked, eyeing Frodo over the rim of his teacup. "I just do." Frodo said simply. He sipped his tea, and picked half-heartedly at the edge of his scone. "He has been talking about seeing mountains again, in a way that makes me think he means too." Frodo looked up at the sound of Samwise coming through the kitchen, and watched him as he set a bag of potatoes on the floor. He pursed his lips thoughtfully at Sam, his fingers still fiddling with the scone. "Are the scones not to your liking, Mister Frodo?" Samwise asked, looking like he would lay down and die if Frodo said they were not. "Hmm?" Frodo said. "Oh, no Samwise, the scones are delicious." Merry noted that Frodo had yet to take a bite of his. Sam noted this too, by his expression, but was not about to contradict Frodo. "I am just......" "Beggin' your pardon, Mister Frodo." Sam said when Frodo trailed off. "I could help hearing you and Mister Merry speaking." He shifted uncomfortably, looking like he expected reproach for eavesdropping. "But you shouldn't take on so, Mister Frodo. You really shouldn't." "No, Sam?" Frodo asked. Merry noted a hint of amusement in Frodo's voice. "Not that I am knowing anythin', Mister Frodo." Sam said. "But no. Mister Bilbo is a mite old to be taking off anywhere or traipsing up mountains. And he will be even older in a week, if you are takin' my meaning. I know that Mister Bilbo has been acting a bit queer and all, but I think that all this fuss about the party has gotten him wound up." "You are probably right, Sam." Frodo said absently. Sam beamed at the praise, and then patted Frodo's shoulder lightly. Frodo reached up and squeezed Sam's hand, and then turned his attention back to the scone. "Sam is probably right." Merry put it. Something about Sam patting Frodo struck him as odd, but Merry didn't get a chance to ponder it. Merry's chair rocked violently, and the air was knocked out of him as Pippin vaulted into his lap. It had been a tight squeeze. Pippin's back had jostled the table into Frodo, making Frodo's chair tip backwards dangerously. Frodo had not landed on the floor because Sam had been quick. "Master Peregrin!" Sam exclaimed loudly, holding the back of Frodo's chair with white knuckles. "You are too big for all that flying about. You upset the table, and you nearly put Mister Frodo here on the floor." He stayed next to Frodo's chair, as if he expected Pippin to send it flying again. "I am sorry." Pippin said excitedly, bouncing in Merry's lap. "I was just happy to see Merry." He touched his nose to Merry's, and wrinkled it. "You have been seein' Mister Merry all day, everyday, for near a week now." Sam said crossly. "Were you thinkin' that he disappeared while you were out tramplin' though Mister Bilbo's garden?" "Pip." Merry said, with an exasperate sigh. "I told to stay out of the garden." "I didn't." Pippin said. His tone was a bit too defensive for his innocent expression. "Pippin." Merry warned. "Sam would not have said you were in the garden if you'd not been." "Just one time. I was chasing a duck." Pippin explained. "It wasn't my fault that it ran through the garden." "But it is your fault that you continued to chase it though the garden, when I told you to stay out of the garden. There will be nothing to eat if you rip up all of Bilbo's vegetables." "Sorry, Merry." Pippin said, and hugged Merry around the neck. Merry leaned around Pippin to ask Frodo something, but his words caught in his mouth. Sam had snatched his hand up and stuffed it in his pocket. It looked like Sam had been holding Frodo's hand. Merry studied the pair, btu they were both wearing unreadable expressions. They were also pointedly not looking at Merry. Abruptly, Merry forgot about Sam and Frodo, as a familiar tingling started growing low in his belly. Pippin, who had wanted to know what Merry was looking at, had twisted around in his lap to look behind him. Merry growled quietly as Pippin wiggled, and shifted uncomfortably, cursing the stirring in his pants. Recently, the thing had grown a mind of its own, and often sprang to life with little to no provocation. And Pippin, who was always crawling all over him, was constantly bumping the thing and waking it up. "Pippin." He said gently. "Why don’t you go play?" He needed Pippin off his lap, and quickly. If is cousin kept bouncing around on his crotch, Merry was going to have a lot of explaining to do, and he was not entirely sure he could explain it himself. "Will you play with me?" Pippin asked. "I have to help Frodo and Sam with the party." Merry said, shifting again. Pippin started to slide out of his lap, and he grabbed Merry's shoulders and started to inch himself back up Merry's legs. Merry groaned inwardly, and put his hands on Pippin's legs to stop him before his rump landed on something that he didn't need to know about. "But there is no one to play with." Pippin pouted. "I don’t like playing alone." "Pippin." Merry said, warning. "Can I stay in here with you? I will be good." Pippin looked at him through his lashes. Merry sighed, but forced himself not to go soft. "No, Pippin." He said. "Go on. I will come out a play with you in a minute." Pippin stared at Merry for a minute thoughtfully, trying to decide it Merry was sending him away because he was angry with him. Merry kissed Pippin's forehead reassuringly, then looked over at Frodo again, trying to see if he had been crazy about that hand-holding business, but the moment was gone. Sam was in the corner of the kitchen, peeling the potatoes, and Frodo poking at his scone like was actually thinking about eating it. "Promise? You will come outside?" Pippin asked. "Yes, dearheart." Merry said. "If you promise to stay out of the garden." "No garden." Pippin said, turning quickly to give Sam's back a sour look. Merry turned Pippin's face back towards him, and gave him a stern look, holing Pippin's chin so that he had to look him in the eye. Pippin blushed a deep red. "I promise." "Alright. Be good." Merry said as Pippin slid off his lap. Pippin reached up and tugged at one of Merry's sandy curls. "You won't forget?" He asked. Merry shook his head. Pippin reached up and hugged Merry around the neck. He pulled back and gave Merry a quick kiss on the lips before bounding out the kitchen door. Merry was silent as he watched Pippin leave, and touched his lips with his fingers. "What did you do?" Merry asked angrily. He put his hands on his hips, and glared at his young cousin. "Nothing." Pippin said, shifting back and forth on his feet nervously. He kept shooting glances over his shoulder, like he expected the whole household to come barreling through the door. Merry was sure they would be at the door shortly. "Bilbo wouldn't be mad if you didn't do anything." "It was an accident, Merry. Honest." Pippin's eyes got big, and his bottom lip quivered. He ran full force into Merry, and squeezed him. "Pippin Took." Merry began, but stopped short when he heard footsteps down the hall. He motioned for Pippin to get under the bed. He climbed on top of the bed, and opened a book. "I love you." Pippin whispered from under the bed. "Shhh!" Merry hissed. The door opened without a knock, producing Bilbo, who was as near to being in a lather as Merry had ever seen. He eyed Merry suspiciously, and glanced about the room. "Bilbo." Merry said pleasantly, looking up from the book. He saw that he had opened the book upside down, and hoped Bilbo wouldn't notice. "Don’t you 'Bilbo' me." The old hobbit said shortly. "Where is he?" "Where is who?" Merry asked. "That fool of a Took cousin of yours." Bilbo rapped soundly on the door of the stand-up wardrobe. He yanked the door open and batted at the clothes before turning back to Merry and fixing him with a level look. "I know he is in here." "In here?" "Well, where else would he be?" Bilbo asked. "Frodo wouldn't hide him from me, and young Samwise is as furious at him as I am." "Honestly, Bilbo. I haven't seen him." "Nonsense. Whenever he needs protecting, you are the one he goes to." Merry had to laugh, as Bilbo was speaking the truth. "What did he do this time?" He asked. "He went tearing through the party grounds like a dragon was after him. He knocked over two party tables, cart of apples and upset the riggings for one of the pavilions." "I am sorry, Bilbo." Merry was. "When I see him, I will speak to him." That was the truth. As soon as Bilbo left, he was going to pull Pippin out from under the bed by his curly hair. Bilbo narrowed his eyes at Merry. Then he snorted. Loudly. "When you see him, you will kiss him, and tell him that he is your favorite cousin, and maybe, maybe, if you are feeling particularly cross, you will yank on one of his curls." Bilbo snorted again. "Bilbo--" Merry began, but was cut off by a silencing gesture from the old hobbit. "You are too soft on him Meriadoc." "I know, Bilbo." Merry said. "I can’t help it sometimes." "You need to help it." Bilbo said with an exasperated sigh. "You took over raising him the day he was born. No one else can tame him, Meriadoc, so you had better start taming him yourself." "Yes, Bilbo." Merry said quietly. "I will. And, I will go help with the mess he made on the party grounds." "No need." Bilbo said. "Young Samwise did it already. Which is why he is fit to switch Pippin's bottom himself." Merry nodded at Bilbo, but a surge of anger passed through him. Sam was fit to switch Pippin's bottom, was he? Merry would tan Sam's hide himself if he did. Of course, Frodo might have a better idea on what to do with Sam's hide, by the way things were looking. "Fine, then." Bilbo said. " I will leave him to you, if I can trust that you give him more of a punishment than hugging him to death." Bilbo kicked the cedar chest at the foot of the bed, and cocked his head as if expecting to hear a squeak from inside. Then he narrowed his eyes at Merry, and walked out of the room. Pippin crawled out from under the bed as soon as Bilbo left. He stood at the side of the bed, watching Merry with wide, wet eyes. Merry stared back at him with a blank face, making Pippin uncomfortable. "I love you." Pippin said quietly, kicking one foot back and forth sheepishly. He looked at Merry's angry face, and dropped his eyes to the floor. "You always love me right after you have set the kitchen on fire." Merry said. He swung his legs over the bed and sat on the edge, right in front of Pippin. "But Merry." He took a step closer to Merry and looked up at him, smiling prettily. "No." Merry grabbed Pippin by the shoulders, and held him at arms' length. "You listen." Merry said, carefully not looking directly in to those big green eyes so he could remain firm. "If you don’t start behaving yourself, you are leaving." "No!" Pippin screamed, yanking away from Merry's grasp violently. He searched Merry's face to see if he was making his usual type of half-hearted threats, but saw a sternness in Merry's face that he had not seen before. "Don’t send me away, Merry. Please." Pippin started to cry. He threw himself on the bed next to Merry, and wrapped his arms around Merry's thigh. "Then behave!" Merry said. "Otherwise, I am sending you home." "But I am home." "What?" Merry asked, thinking he had not heard him rightly. "Home is wherever you are." Pippin said, before releasing Merry's leg and burying his face in the coverlet, sobbing. Merry choked, and thought his heart was going to burst. He reached over and stroked Pippin's hair. "Don’t cry, Pip. Please don't cry." He knew he was going soft on him just like Bilbo had told him he would, but he couldn't help it. Pippin words had hit so deeply that he was shaking. "You don't love me." Pippin said into the coverlet. "Of course I love you." Merry said, trying to pull him in his lap. Pippin shrugged him off. "Why would you think that I don't?" He asked shakily. When Pippin had pulled away from him it had felt like someone had stabbed him in the heart. "Because you want to send me away." "I don’t want to, but I am going to have to if you don’t start behaving yourself." Merry said. "No, you just don’t love me." Pippin looked up from the coverlet briefly, only to drop his head back down on the wet spot he had made with his tears. "Come here." Merry said, pulling at him again. Grudgingly, Pippin crawled up on top of Merry and laid on his chest. "I love you, Pippin. Always." He hugged Pippin close, but in the back of his mind he hoped that Pippin did not start squirming and wiggling, and wake something up like he had early. "Then why do you want to send me away from you." Pippin asked. He looked up, digging his chin into Merry's chest. "Because." Merry said. "Bilbo was right. I did take over raising you. But sometimes I love you so much it is hard for me to raise you right. So either you behave so I can raise you, or I will have to send you back home." "But I am home." Pippin said again, laying his head back down. It was Merry's turn to cry. Shaking, he stroked Pippin's back, and let the tears flow freely. What had he done to make Pippin love him so much? "Why are you crying, my Merry?" Pippin asked, when the force of Merry's sobs had been too strong to ignore. "Are you crying because I was bad?" He reached up and touched Merry's face, wiping away his tears. He moved up and laid his head on Merry's shoulder. "No, honey." Merry said, squeezing his cousin. Pippin was breathing on his neck. His breath was warm, but it made Merry shiver. "I just love you. That's all." "I love you, too." Pippin said. Frodo peeked into the guestroom that Merry had taken, and shook his head. He closed the door and walked back down the hallway, shaking his head again. "Is he in there?" Bilbo asked as Frodo passed him. "He is." Frodo said, chuckling. "I knew Merry was hiding him." Bilbo said. "I don’t know why he protects him that fool of a Took like he does." Frodo decided not to point out that Bilbo was half a Took himself, nor did he reply to the old Hobbit's comment. He thought he knew why Merry was so protective if the boy, but he wasn't sure yet. Frodo wasn't sure if Merry understood it himself, yet. "He will understand when Pippin grows up a bit, if he lets himself." Frodo muttered. "What was that, my boy?" Bilbo asked. "Oh, nothing, Bilbo." Frodo replied. "I didn’t say anything." "So what was his punishment?" Bilbo wondered. "Did Merry hug him to death, like I said he would?" "Oh no. Much more serious." Frodo said with a smile. Bilbo raised an eyebrow, and Frodo winked. "They are taking a nap together." Merry ventured into the kitchen, yawning. Pippin had bounded out the door after their nap, eager to find new mischief. Merry had promised Pippin that he would join him, but he decided that he wanted a cup of tea before he went. He needed a cup of tea. Badly. He filled the teakettle and paced as it warmed. He needed to relax, and he needed to think. The tea will help, he thought. And maybe a scone. He made a perfunctory search of the kitchen for a leftover scone, but he knew that he didn't really want a one. He scowled at the teakettle for not getting hot fast enough. Then he cursed at himself, knowing that he didn't really want the tea anymore than he wanted a scone. He wanted ten minutes away from Pippin so he could sort himself out. Pippin had dozed immediately, but Merry had not fallen asleep right away. Bilbo's words had haunted him as he lay there, because he knew that the old hobbit was right. No one else could tame Pippin, and it was his fault. The boy loved him fiercely. "I spend to much time with him." Merry muttered to himself. He had always spent too much time with him, since Pippin was three days old. Whenever the families visited, Merry and Pippin woke up together, fell asleep together, and spent the intervening hours together. It had not been a problem at first, since the families only visited about once a month, but then it had gotten worse. One day, when Pippin was close to seven, the Thain had shown up at Brandy Hall with the boy, completely unannounced. The Thain had returned to the Smials that night, and had left Pippin behind. Pippin had become plain unfit to live with, and the Thain had hoped that an extended stay with his beloved cousin would straighten him out. Pippin had returned to the Smials about three weeks later, when Merry's family had traveled there for Pervinca's birthday. But when Merry's family made to return to Brandy Hall, the Thain had asked if Merry could stay for a few weeks. Surprisingly, his parents had agreed. The two had never been apart after that. The Thain had returned Merry to Brandy Hall, only to leave Pippin there, and then a few weeks later, Saradoc had returned Pippin to the Smials, leaving Merry there. Now that Merry was old enough to make the trip without an elder, neither set of parents played a part in it. He and Pippin traveled back and forth between Brandy Hall and the Smials every few weeks, with periodic stops at Bag End. It was a strange arrangement, but no one ever talked about it, at least not in front of the Thain or the Master of Brandy Hall. Part of Merry wanted to blame the Thain, as he had been the reason that he and Pippin had been together everyday for the last four years, but his heart was not in it. He knew that the Thain had been doing what he had thought was best for the boy. And his parent's had agreed to it for the same reason. The tea was finally ready, but Merry was not interested anymore. Merry poured the tea, only because he had gone to the trouble of making it, but left it on the table untouched. All he wanted to do was cry. He just wasn't strong enough. Pippin had some kind of magical hold over him. One look, one smile, one batted eyelash, and Merry would forgive him anything. And he loved Pippin too dearly. He couldn't bear to yell at him, and it broke his heart to see him upset. He knew needed to send him away. He should send him back to the Smials, alone, so the Thain could beat some sense into him before it was too late. Merry sighed, and lifted the teacup to his lips, reconsidering. He could not send Pippin away. The boy would not be able to bear it. He loved Merry too much. If Merry sent him home he would likely hide in his room crying for a month, heartbroken and bitter. Then, Merry slammed his fist down on Bilbo's kitchen table because he knew he was making excuses. I have to, he thought. It is for his own good. He will be upset, but he will get over it. Then he shivered, as he remembered what Pippin had said to him when he had threatened to send him away. But I am home. Home is wherever you are. A warmth spread through him as he heard Pippin's words in his head, a feeling of pure joy so strong that he thought it would kill him. He couldn't send Pippin away, because the boy loved him too much. It wouldn’t be fair to him. Merry would just have to do the best he could, because Pippin couldn’t live without him. Then Merry did cry. He realized that he couldn’t live without Pippin, either, and it scared him. Merry set the teakettle in the sink, and splashed cold water on his face. If Pippin saw his red, swollen face he would know that Merry had been crying, and Merry did not want to explain. He made to leave, but stopped when he heard voices in down one of the hallways. He padded softly towards the hallway, wondering who was inside then there was so much outside that still needed to be done. He peered around the corner, and saw that it was Frodo and Sam. They were standing about halfway down the hallway, talking close and quietly. Merry strained his ears to hear what they were saying, but was unable. He was about to go back to the kitchen, but stopped and stared. Frodo reached out and touched Sam's arm, rubbing it lightly as he spoke to him. Sam nodded at whatever Frodo had said, and dropped his eyes bashfully. Then he brushed a hand along Frodo's cheek lightly, and touched his hair. Frodo rubbed Sam's arm a little more, then slid his hand down Sam's arm and squeezed his hand. Merry ducked back out of the hallway, shaking his head ruefully. Apparently, he would have to leave Sam's hide to Frodo. "Mister Bilbo does know how to put on a party, make no mistake." Samwise said to nobody in particular. "That he does." Fatty Bolger murmured into his ale mug. "And Bilbo could not have done it without you." Frodo said to Sam, who blushed bright red and studied the contents of his mug. "You or your Gaffer." "I just helped out here and there." Sam said softly. "A little bit?" Frodo choked on the roll he had been nibbling at. "Here and there?" "Like I said, Mister Frodo." Sam said. "Here and there, and my Gaffer was doin' more than I." "Don't you listen to him, lads." Frodo said to Fatty and Merry. "He set up all the tables and chairs himself, and half the pavilions." Sam was extremely uncomfortable with the way Frodo was carrying on, but Frodo was beaming enough for the both of them. "And I am willing to bet that he cooked more than his fair share of the food, though he won’t admit it." "Please, Mister Frodo, you are making me bashful." You weren't complaining when he made you bashful in the hallway, Samwise Gamgee, Merry thought with a smirk. "Well, he is right, Sam." Merry said aloud. "You never take credit when it is due to you." Sam was about to respond, but was cut off my Fatty, who clucked his tongue loudly. "Don’t turn around," Fatty said, "but there is a wild Took running this way." "Prepare yourself to get hugged to death." Frodo quipped to Merry, pausing in the act of buttering his roll to wiggle the knife at Merry. "Perhaps I should change chairs, before he tries to knock me on my back again." "No, he looks intent on something." Fatty said. "I think he means to run right past here." "We will see about that." Merry said. He did not turn towards where Pippin was running from, and tried to appear oblivious. Fatty, who was watching Pippin over the rim of his mug, held a hand up, telling Merry to be ready. Merry waited, watching Fatty. Fatty gave a quick nod, and Merry's arm flew out. His arm caught Pippin in the middle, stopping him with a grunt. Merry swung his legs onto the other side of the bench to face him. "And where do you think you are going?" Merry asked his young cousin. "Nowhere." Pippin said innocently. "You were going nowhere awfully fast." Fatty observed. Merry turned to wink at Fatty. Pippin peered over Merry's shoulder, narrowed his eyes at Fatty, and stuck out his tongue. Merry turned around just as Pippin was putting his tongue away. Merry reached out and pinched Pippin's tongue between two fingers. "Methy." Pippin said, around Merry's fingers. "Yool hurthing mei." "You apologize to Fatty." Merry said. "Sothy, Fathy." Pippin said. Merry nodded, and released Pippin's tongue. "That's better." Merry said. Pippin looked woefully embarrassed. Merry pulled him close and kissed his nose. "Now where were you going in such a hurry?" "Just over there." Pippin waved vaguely. "I wasn't going to do anything, honest. Gandalf said he would turn me into a lizard if I caused trouble." "A lizard?" Frodo said. "Horrible." Then he buried his face in his mug. Merry was sure he was laughing. Pippin was sure of it, too, from the look he shot Frodo over Merry's shoulder. Merry forgot Pippin momentarily to study Frodo and Sam. They were sitting quite close together, and by the angle of Frodo's arm, it looked like he had his hand under the table and on Sam's knee. "I promise, Merry. I have been good all day." Merry turned back around and eyed Pippin suspiciously. "Which usually means you'll be makin' up for it before bed." Sam replied. Merry looked back at Sam in shocked amusement, and wondered if Sam had had an ale to many. Sam was usually as proper with Pippin as he was with Merry and Frodo, simply because he was the son of the Thain. "Please, Merry." Pippin said. "I was just going to go play with Rosco Goodbody and his brother." He looked at Merry through his lashes, and smiled prettily. "Go on." Merry said. "But be good. If you start trouble, I will let Gandalf turn you into a toad." "Lizard." Fatty reminded. Pippin trotted a few paces of, then turned back around to smile at Merry for good measure. "You've as much spine around that boy as a pile of bed linens." Fatty observed. Merry stuck his tongue out at Fatty himself. Fatty laughed uproariously, and ale came out of Frodo's nose. "You stay away from that Party Tree." Merry called in warning, when he noticed Pippin loitering where he had stopped. Pippin had tried to climb it no less than four times, and each time had been disengaged by an infuriated elder, who had marched the imp back to Merry. With a lecture for him, for not keeping a better eye on the boy. Pippin turned, took a few more steps, and turned back around. "I love you." He called, before dashing off. Everyone at the table groaned. "What?" Merry said, an inexplicable rush of heat rising to his face. "Can’t the boy love me?" "Oh, the boy loves you." Sam slurred. Sam had definitely had one too many. "But when tells you like that, all random, I'd be keepin' an eye out, and make no mistake." Merry's response was cut off by a shriek, coming from the direction of where Pippin had run off, followed by someone yelling 'fool boy'. Fatty caught Merry's eye and gave him a sympathetic, knowing look. Merry dropped his head in his hands and shook it, muttering. "Meriadoc Brandybuck!" Merry's head came up with a jerk. Odo Proudfoot was hobbling towards them, and looked fit to be tied. "Time to protect the boy." Frodo said. "But who is going to protect me?" Merry asked, and steeled himself to deal with Odo Proudfoot. "Today is my one hundred and eleventh birthday. I am eleventy-one today!" "He is not going to go on all night, is he?" Pippin yawned. "I don’t think so." Merry said, kissing Pippin's curls fondly. The boy was sitting in his lap, with his back against Merry's chest so he could see Bilbo. Merry had one arm around Pippin's waist, and his other hand, which was holding one of Pippin's, was resting on Pippin's leg. "I hope you are all enjoying yourselves as much as I am." The group cheered. Pippin yawned. Fatty, who was sitting next to them, raised his mug and shouted something that Merry could not hear over the din. He took a deep draught, and slammed his mug on the table for effect. Sam clapped perfunctorily. He was looking over at where Frodo was sitting at the head of the table, rather than at Bilbo. Pippin jerked in his lap, and pulled his hand away from Merry's to point and clap excitedly. A group of Merry and Pippin's younger relatives had started playing a dance tune with the instruments that they had received as party favors. Suddenly, Everard Took and Melilot Brandybuck hopped on the table and started dancing. Pippin jumped from Merry's lap and fished his flute out of his pocket, but Merry grabbed him and pulled him back. "Merry." He whined. "I shall not keep you long." Bilbo said, silencing Pippin, and stopping what had been rapidly becoming one of the dancing nights in Tolman Cotton's barn. The crowd cheered at that, no one wanted to listen to any more of this than they had to. "I have called you here for a purpose." Pippin yawned again, and settled back into Merry's lap. Merry squeezed Pippin's hand, and then started tracing lazy circles on it with his fingertips. Pippin twisted his head up to kiss Merry's chin, before yawning again settling back on Merry's chest. Merry looked up to say something to Fatty, and saw Jorman Chubb looking at him with a disdainful expression on his face. He nodded his head to Jorman, but Jorman continued to stare. "You know something, Meriadoc?" Jorman asked, leaning across the table so that Merry could hear him over Bilbo's meandering. "What’s that, Jorman?" Merry asked flatly. He didn’t really care, but Jorman looked like he was going to tell him anyway. "People are going to start thinking you are buggering the boy, the way you two are always carrying on." Jorman said, favoring Merry and Pippin with a disgusted frown. "What!" Merry said. He sat up straight in his chair. Pippin, who had not really heard Jorman, looked back up at Merry questioningly. Merry stroked Pippin's hair to soothe him, shooting Jorman a furious look while he was doing it. "You heard me, Brandybuck." Jorman said. "You are always hugging him and holding his hand like he was a lass. I wouldn’t be surprised if you kiss him goodnight like he was a lass, too." "Leave off, Chubb. I don’t like the tone of your voice." Fatty warned, hefting his now empty ale mug. He didn't always approve of how affectionate Merry and Pippin were, but he didn't like anyone else saying anything about it. "And mind what you say in front of the boy." "Don't you worry about my tone, Fredegar Bolger." Jorman said, though he was eyeing Fatty's mug warily. "And I ain't saying nothing in front of the boy that he don't already know about." Jorman made another disgusted face. "Probably knows more about it than I do, young as he is, by the way Meriadoc looks at him." "You had best shut your filthy mouth." Merry hissed. "Or I'll shut it for you." At first he had been willing to shake Jorman's words off, as it was plain the older hobbit was far into his cups, but his anger was quickly moving from a slow burn to a roiling boil. "And what if I don't?" Jorman said. "If you ask me, the Thain made a bad call, giving him over to you, while you do Eru-only-knows-what to him at night." Fatty, quicker than one would have thought for his wits, leaned over and pulled Pippin to him just as Merry started out of his chair. Pippin fussed, but Fatty silenced him with a stern word, and tried to turn the lad's attention back to Bilbo. Merry looked like he intended to pull Jorman over the table, Bilbo in the middle of a speech or not, when he felt a hand on his shoulder. "Are you havin' a problem with this gentlehobbit, Mister Merry?" Sam asked. His tone was unruffled, like he was asking Merry if he wanted another helping of meat pie. "I would be glad to take him outside and straighten him out, so you won’t be havin' to miss the party, or leave Mister Pippin." Merry looked over to see that Jorman had leaned back in his seat, and was glowering into his ale mug. He had thought he would be tangling with Merry, or Fatty. Sam was built sturdier than most hobbits to begin with, but long years of physical work had made him muscle from head to toe and all the way across. Sam could toss more than his own weight, hands over head, without even breaking a sweat. Jorman, who was a head shorter than Sam and blubber all the way through, was not about take his chances with Samwise Gamgee. "Are you sure, Mister Merry?" Sam asked, in the same unruffled tone, eyeing Jorman sideways. "It wouldn't take more than a minute, and wouldn't be no bother at all." "Thank you, Sam. Really." Merry said, reaching out as Fatty handed Pippin back over to him like he was a sack of meal. "But I think Jorman knows that he spoke out of turn." "You let me know if you decide otherwise, Mister Merry." Sam said. "Mister Frodo would take on something fierce if Mister Bilbo's party was ruined because somebody's had a bit more of the Tuckborough that was good for him." Sam gave Jorman a pointed look. "My Gaffer would take on too, and I can't be havin' that." Another pointed look. "I won’t be havin' that, make no mistake." Merry reached up and patted Sam's arm gratefully, and deeply regretting thinking about tanning his hide. "I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like," Bilbo said, unaware that there had almost been a tavern brawl in the middle of his party, "and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." Merry crinkled his brow, wondering if Bilbo had finally gone off his rocker. Fatty had a confused expression on his face, like he was trying to work out what Bilbo had been at. Only Sam was unmoved by Bilbo's nonsense. He was busy keeping an eye on Jorman Chubb. "Merry." Pippin murmured sleepily. "Tell Bilbo to get on with it so we can drink to his health and go to sleep." Merry laughed, and kissed Pippin's brow. He caught Jorman Chubb looking at him while trying to act like he wasn't. Merry caught Jorman's eye deliberately, and kissed Pippin again for his benefit. Jorman curled his lip at Merry, but became very interested in Bilbo again when Sam cleared his throat. "Thirdly and finally, I wish to make an announcement." Bilbo shouted. Merry eyed the old hobbit curiously. Frodo might not have been cracked about Bilbo being up to something. The queer old Hobbit looked rather fidgety, and was fiddling with something in his pocket. "I regret to announce that--though, as I said, eleventy-one years is far too short a time to spend among you--this is the end." Merry saw Frodo sit straight up in his chair, and look worriedly at the old hobbit. Sam made a strangled sound behind him, and clutched the back of Merry's chair. "I am going. I am leaving now. Goodbye! Bilbo took a step off the platform, and vanished. Merry looked over at Frodo, who paled visibly and looked positively stricken. Then there was a bright flash of light. Merry looked over at Gandalf, who looked more than a little guilty. There was a brief moment of silence, before chaos erupted and everyone started talking at once. Sam shifted behind him, seemingly torn between comforting Frodo and protecting Pippin's honor. "Go on, Sam." Merry said gently. "You go to him." "Where did Bilbo go?" Pippin asked in awe. "He is off to see the mountains." Merry said softly. Frodo had been right all along. "That was a neat trick." Pippin said. "I bet Gandalf did it." Merry didn't take that bet. He had caught onto Bilbo's secret years ago. "Will Frodo be alright?" Pippin asked, his sweet, childish face clouding with worry. He looked over at Frodo, who was trying to put on a brave face. Sam was kneeling in front of him, holding one of his hands and speaking softly too him. And Merry smiled. "Oh, I think Frodo will be just fine." Thus ends Chapter Five, as Pervinca tells it. Portions of Bilbo's speech, from The Fellowship of the Ring, belong solely to J.R.R Tolkien and his Estate (©1954, 1965, and 1982) Chapter Four |Chapter Six back to the Blue Book