Saturday, February 16, 2002

MANDAMIN

I want to add on to a story I did a couple of months ago. About family. Even though I had a bad childhood, it was still fun. I mean, if I concentrated on the bad stuff in my child hood, I would certainly find the bad stuff. I had a lot of good things and good memories of my life also. It was not all doom and gloom. Talking about my bad experiences has made me realize that ‘if a person only thinks about the bad parts of life that is what they will become’ I wanted to show that bad things in life lives in everyones life. Not just mine. People should not judge me, nor my family, nor my community for the things that went on in the past. It is a hard pill to swallow, but, forgiveness plays a huge role in self healing.

I wanted to show my story to people who may have had hard times in life, in childhood, teenage years even adulthood…. I also wanted to show people that …. Even when people live in such dramatic and traumatic lives, things can change for the better. There is hope for those who want to heal and lead a good life.

If I decided to walk the path of constantly reliving bad memories, I would always be an angry, miserable person. I look back and saw myself living a life of constantly re-living the horrible events in my life. I was in constant anger. I was determined to help myself. Walking a healing journey would help other behind me.

As I see things….. I had to walk ‘the evaluation and scrutinizing of my own life’ to make changes. How can I heal if do not see seek out the roots of my problems? I needed to locate them and work them out.

It was a terribly, agonizing journey. I hurt many people along my healing journey. I did not realize the pain and suffering I caused to my family, friends and community and countless others for the crap I put them through for my own healing.

Many times, I saw that the pain came from my past. It clicked one day… ‘That was the past. Today is today, yesterday was yesterday, tomorrow is tomorrow.’ I saw myself stuck in little cycles of past images. I was determined to get out of being stuck.

I set my mind to heal and that was my goal and I would not stop until I found this healing. I realized that I still loved my family. I still love my dad, my mom, my brothers, sisters, uncles and aunts, grandparents… everyone. Even though I lived a hard life. In the a strange way, some how, I realized that I had my own mind. I saw that my mind was a powerful organ. I can CHOOSE to live the recurring bad thoughts of past life or I can CHOOSE to live good thoughts of past life or CHOOSE to live good thoughts of my present, and even my FUTURE!

I CHOOSE to forgive.

I realized that I can CHOOSE. What a wonderful revelation that is!

I have walked my healing journey looking at my life and concentrating on the bad things. It made me an awlful person. I was hurting my loving family and friends. I am so grateful to have a family. I am grateful that I have a two parents, brothers and sisters… I am grateful that my parents stood as positive role models for inspiring myself to heal from the hurt of the past. I am so grateful for their strength to bear with me as I walked my journey. I am thankful for their support and patience.

‘Ki Non Dway tis E On’ … ‘to heal myself.’

I had to find myself. My family could only do so much. I had to walk to find myself.

People have there thoughts on counselling and other various means of ‘healing’…. I knew that counselling was part of my journey. Along side my Native American / Anishinabe ceremonial ways. They went hand in hand. In my eyes, they had to.

I was picking up my culture as I was unloading my emotional garbage. It looks like a teeter totter… a balance of both ways.

It is through seeking ways to heal, that I came across the power of the brain. I sought information on psychic phenomena, astro travel, intuition, paranormal information, UFOs, psychology, psycho linguistics, dreams, psycho kinesis, subliminal pictography.

I found this very strange. As I was doing my own personal healing stuff, I found my mind opening up for other things. It was as if, the more I unloaded my emotional baggage, I was learning other things.

I remember a person saying to me, I honestly do not remember who it was, I think it was a voice or dream as a child, a mans voice, an angel if you will…. He told me, “that more things happen to you as a child ( referring to abuses, violence), the spirit will give you something…’ I came to understand this as ‘gifts’ The more a child suffers, the spirit will give him more spiritual gifts. For the times of feeling powerless, I would be given a certain power… The more I suffer, the more I would be given the gift to heal… I wondered about that for many years, I wondered who the crap was that guy anyways… and why did he keep coming to me? I mean, why the crap is this strange guy coming into my life and telling me things….

It was when I was walking my healing journey that I realized that he was a spirit helper, an angel, a guide. He watched me my entire life. He watched over me in my hard times. He is still around me. Like a strange light around my body, a main character in my dreams, a hand that heals when I need to heal someone…

Walking my healing journey made me realize the ‘gifts’ that the spirit had gave me for my suffering. It seems like a compensation package for wrong doings from a spiritual perspective.

Of all the things that went on in my life, I was being slipped or handed over gifts. I may not have been ready for them when they came. I even put them aside because I could not understand those gifts.

My personal journey has really opened my eyes. My research into my mind was a dark lonely road. It was as if I walked into my ears and ran around in my head for years, finally coming out of my eyes to see things differently.

Along the way, I picked up a few good things. I became an actor, a webmaster, I can make subliminal messages, a dancer, a singer, I developed my psychic abilities, learned shaman travels for healing, I have learned traditional healing techniques, I am still learning things…

What it is that someone can take from my stories is that even though your life maybe seem a horrible mess, full of despair and disfunction, you may seem like you have nothing to live for, you may think your past is holding you down…. you can change things, you can turn things around. You can make your self a better person.

At the end of the day I am still ME, Pierre Tuesday. It is up to me to think good or bad. It is up to me to live recurring bad memories or good memories. I can CHOOSE my thoughts. I can CHOOSE how to learn from the past. I can CHOOSE when to move on or stay there.

I choose to heal myself and that is what I did.

It is like I had to ALLOW myself to fall to the bottom, to hit rock bottom… then pick myself up and start REBUILDING myself.

I look around at the gifts I have received over the years. I look around and see the tools that have been left by me to help me.

These gifts and tools are my helpers for my future. They will help me rebuild myself.

It is now my time to rebuild.

This may make sense to those who CHOOSE for this to make sense...

Long ago there lived a man. His family was pretty wealthy and lived in a very nice home and had a nice loving family.

This was time before the white man came to turtle island.

This man had a teenage son. He was becoming a man. In order to transform a boy into a man, a boy had to go out into the forest for a vision quest… a fast.

During this time, the Anishinabe were starving. There was little game and the wild rice were not doing so well.

The family talked about the starvation in the community and region. There seemed to be no answer.

The Anishinabe starved. The Anishinabe were dying from starvation. It was time for this boy to go on his vision quest. His father took him to the place where boys can fast for days uninterrupted. He was told to return home when he got his vision. Then he would be a man.

As the days went on, the family wondered how the boy was doing on his fast. No one could go find out… it was not proper to go check on someone when he is fasting.

Finally, after days and weeks….. his father decided to go find his son.

He walked into the forest and found the place of fasting. His son was not there. He was shocked.

He found his son lying dead close by.

Grieving for the loss of his son, he decided to bury him where the boys would fast and turn into men.

So the father buried his son on the fasting area. He returned home and told his family about the son. They all grieved.

They went to the grave every now and then. Day after day, people from the community went to pay their respects to the boy.

As the days progressed…. a plant started shooting out from the grave. The Anishinabe never saw such a plant in their lives. It was a strange plant it grew tall and was very beautiful. No one cut it down, they let it grow. According to the medicine man, that plant would help the Anishinabe.

My people called this plant ‘mandamin’ in English it is called ‘corn’ or ‘maize’.

People were amazed at the tall plant. It even had a beautiful hair glowing from the top. They asked the medicine man, who in turn asked the spirits… They were told that this plant had seeds and that the Anishinabe would take the seeds and plant this very same plant. This plant would stop the starvation of the Anishinabe.

So from that day on. The Anishinabe has honored that ‘mandamin’ that ‘corn’… It saved the Anishinabe from total destruction from starvation.

They Anishinabe were to plant this mandamin everywhere. This mandamin would be used in many many ways…. It was good food, it made popcorn, it made good soup, it was eaten raw and boiled, it was crushed to make flour which in turn made other things. Some Anishinabe honor this plant with festivals and ceremonies.

As the spirits spoke… It was the boy who fasted that year who brought the mandamin / corn from the spirit world. According to the spirits, he fasted and his death brought life to the Anishinabe. The boy had sacrificed himself for the good of his people. He had asked the spirits to help his people live.

To this day, Anishinabe eat corn. Some still grow the corn. I remember my mom, grandmothers, aunties, other anishinabe grew corn. Now a days, there are no more gardens, everyone shops at the grocery store.

People I talk to do not know how the corn came to the Anishinabe. I must say this story and help my people remember the day the corn came and saved our people.

These present days, the corn will become a hot topic. The story of anishinabe corn will be of great importance in linking stories from around the world.

Please remember the corn story and tell your family.

Please CHOOSE to remember the story. Please CHOOSE to remember the son who helped his people live. Please CHOOSE to think good thoughts. Please CHOOSE to love your family. Please CHOOSE to forgive your family.

Please CHOOSE to plant only good corn. Honor the Mandamin.