This is me "driving a big truck." My Human Mama used to drive the BIG
TRUCKS and she taught me to do this when she was inside somewhere so nobody would even THINK about getting in MY BIG TRUCK with ME in charge!!
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the
The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean
the house when I am about to throw up.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. "Kitty box crunches" are not food. I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the
backyard after processing. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. I will not wake Mommy up with my cold, wet nose on her bottom.
I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled
down when it's raining outside. We do have a doorbell, but I will not bark each time I hear one on
TV. I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back
with it. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's
driver's license and car registration.
Know Why Dogs Don't Use Computers?
1. Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.
2. Fetch command not available on all platforms.
3. Hard to read the monitor with their heads cocked to one side.
4. Too difficult to "mark" every web site they visit.
5. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got
6. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
7. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing
www.pethouse.com instead of working.
8. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that virtual Frisbee.
9. Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.
10. Still trying to come up with an icon that signifies tail
11. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome.
12. Saliva coated floppy disks refuse to work.
13. SIT and STAY were hard enough: DELETE and SAVE are out of the
14. Distracted by cats chasing the mouse.
15. TrO(goHyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPme W4eIjTyyH PPP;
AAAAqWWWWWssSSS.. (Too hard to type with paws:)
Things to Teach Your Humans
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a ride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.
Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
Take naps and stretch before rising. Run, romp and play daily.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and
nuzzle them gently.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing
and pout...run right
back and make friends.
Bond with your pack.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.