Quickly determine which guest hates (or is allergic to) cats the most. Sit on
that lap during the evening. They won't dare push you off and will even call you "nice kitty." If you can arrange to have cat food on your breath, so much the better.

For sitting on laps or rubbing against trouser legs, select colors which contrast with your own. For example: white-furred cats go to black clothing. NOTE: Velvet takes precedence over all other cloth.

Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary
to do anything. Just sit and stare.

For guests who say, "I love kitties," be ready with aloof disdain, claws applied to stockings or a quick nip on the ankles.

Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get one open, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once the door is opened for you, it is not necessary to use it. You can change your mind. When you have ordered an outside door opened, stand half in and half out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather or mosquito season.

If a human goes into a room, especially the bathroom, and closes the door
to exclude you, meow pathetically and try to stick you paws under
the door to open it.

If one person is busy and the other is idle, sit with the busy one. For book readers, get in close under the chin,unless you can lie across the book itself.

For ladies knitting, curl quietly into lap and pretend to doze. Then reach out
and slap knitting needles sharply. This is what she calls a dropped stitch.
She will try to distract you. Ignore it.

For people doing homework, sit on the paper being worked on. After being
removed for the second time, push anything movable off the table - pens,
pencils, stamps - one at a time.

When a human is working at a computer, s/he isn't paying attention to you.
You can easily obstruct the human's view of the screen with your beautiful tail, or if it's low enough, with you even more beautiful body.

Trampling or sprawling on the keyboard is always good for some attention
as well. If the human insists on removing you , there's always the lap If possible, while in the lap try to drape yourself on one of the human's arms. Also feel free to knock pens, paper, diskettes, and anything else accessible onto the floor.

When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook.Your can not be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

When the humans are eating, make sure you leave the tip of your tail in
their dishes when they are not looking.

Never eat food from your own bowl if you can steal some from the table.

When it becomes time to dislodge a fur ball, choose the dining room at dinner time. If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage this in time, get to an Oriental rug. Shag is good.

Should you run into a closed sliding glass door or do anything stupid, never let on as much and go about your business as if "I meant to do that."

Get enough sleep during the daytime so that you are fresh for playing at night between 2 and 4 a.m. If you need to wake a sleeping human walk back and forth between the vertical blind and the window.

Final Note: ALWAYS walk ON the keyboard!