Episode 5 - Double Date
ACT FOUR
INT. THE LOCKRIDGE MANSION/HALLWAY - NIGHT
Willow and Anya being chased by demons. Willow turns
around and concentrates on a trophy cabinet by the
wall. It topples onto the demons.
Willow and Anya running down another hallway. They
quickly duck into a room and close the door behind
them.
They sit quietly and we hear the demons running by.
They breathe a sigh of relief.
INT. THE LOCKRIDGE MANSION/BALLROOM - NIGHT
We see Xander and Tara being escorted back to their
table by two demon goons.
XANDER
We're demons, I tell you.
GOON #1
Well, we'll know that in a few
minutes.
TARA
A few minutes?
GOON #1
You're next for the unveiling. And
believe me, either way, that face is
coming off tonight. Now, just sit
and wait, and remember, we'll be
watching.
The two demon goons go to the back of the room,
standing by the entrance and keeping a close eye on
Xander and Tara.
There's a floor show going on - A demon stand-up
comic. The crowd is enjoying the show, laughing it up.
COMIC
What do you call a human postal
worker? An unbalanced meal.
(laughter)
A human politician? A meal you can
eat without a conscience.
(more laughter)
What are you left with if you're
just a second too late and a vampire
steals your meal? A dehydrated
snack.
XANDER
Hey! They're making fun of us!
That's just not right. It's not like
we sit around and tell demon jokes
every Halloween.
TARA
I hope Willow and Anya are alright.
XANDER
Don't worry. They may have their
friction but I'm sure they'll pull
it together in a crisis.
INT. THE LOCKRIDGE MANSION/HALLWAY - NIGHT
Having evaded their pursuers, Willow and Anya are
searching for Tara and Xander, safely mingling with
the demon guests.
WILLOW
I hope Xander and Tara's okay.
ANYA
Xander can look after Tara.
WILLOW
(angry)
What does that mean?
ANYA
What?
WILLOW
Because, I can look after Tara just
fine.
ANYA
I didn't mean..
WILLOW
Why are you always like this? We've
all tried to be reasonable but you
never change. Can't you ever change?
ANYA
It's not easy to fit in with you
sabotaging my every move. You're
always trying to break me and Xander
apart. I know you hate me.
WILLOW
What? I don't..
ANYA
Don't think I forgot. You punched me
on my nose, and it hurt.
WILLOW
Anya, you were trying to get me
killed! I'm sorry if I overreacted.
And really, I think I've been more
than reasonable, what with everyone
trying to reform girls in the small
but select 'Let's kill Willow' club.
ANYA
Forget it. There's obviously no way
of talking to you. Let's just find
Xander and get out of here.
WILLOW
Why Anya, I would have thought you'd
fit right in here, what with all
these demons pretending to be human.
Anya shoots Willow a genuinely pained look. Willow
immediately regrets her words.
WILLOW
Anya, I didn't mean..
Anya rushes off, ignoring Willow.
WILLOW
Wait.
INT. THE LOCKRIDGE MANSION/BALLROOM - NIGHT
Anya, and then Willow enter through a door and find
themselves to the side of the stage where the comic is
performing. Anya looks over at the tables.
WILLOW
Anya..
ANYA
(pointing out Xander and
Tara)
They're here.
WILLOW
Why are they just sitting there?
Anya shrugs. The comic ends his routine.
M.C.
Let's give a round of applause to
the comic stylings of Grikor.
Remember, Grikor is available for
all your demonic functions, from
ritual sacrifices to Survivor
parties.
(applause)
Time for our next unveiling. Will
Table Six please step forward.
ANYA
Oh God.
The two demon goons roughly escort Tara and Xander
onto the stage.
WILLOW
What do we do?
ANYA
(thinks for a moment)
Try to find a fuse box and turn off
the lights. I'll try to buy you some
time.
WILLOW
What are you going to do?
Anya doesn't answer. She walks out to the stage while
Willow goes and searches for a fuse box.
Xander and Tara see Anya but restrain themselves from
saying anything. The two demon goons do not recognise
her. Anya walks up to the M.C. and whispers in his
ear.
M.C.
(to the audience)
Well, it looks like we have a
special treat for you. We have an
aspiring comedian who would like to
try out her act tonight for you. Why
don't we give her a shot before our
next unveiling?
Polite applause as the M.C. hands over the mike to
Anya who steps nervously into the spotlight. Xander
and Tara look a tad concerned.
ANYA
(after a long beat)
Why did the human cross the road? To
dispose of the chicken he just
ploughed over with his car.
(silence)
Oh. How does a human count past ten?
He takes off his shoes and socks.
(more silence)
Is this mike working?
We see Tara and Xander looking very worried as the two
demon goons and the M.C. start to get restless.
In the background, we suddenly see another demon goon
dragging Willow onstage, to Tara and Xander.
GOON #3
(to Goon#1)
I found her trying to mess with the
fusebox.
GOON #1
She must be with these two. Put her
with them. She can join the
unveiling.
Goon#3 shoves Willow to Xander and Tara. Tara
immediately goes to Willow and takes her hands. Anya
looks back with concern.
INT. THE LOCKRIDGE MANSION/FOYER - NIGHT
There is knock on the front door. Door guy goes to
open it to reveal Buffy and Giles.
DOOR GUY
(to Buffy)
Your invitations pl.. Hey! You came
dressed as the slayer. That is such
a great costum..
Buffy punches him out before he has a chance to
finish. He goes down for the count.
GILES
I do hope that was a demon.
BUFFY
(to Giles)
Where are they?
INT. THE LOCKRIDGE MANSION/BALLROOM - NIGHT
Anya is a little stuck. She looks over at the group
and sees the M.C. start to walk over to her. She turns
back to look at the audience. She sees Buffy and Giles
in the distance outside the open doorway, starting to
head in the wrong direction.
ANYA
(to M.C.)
Wait. I have more.
(back into the mike)
Did I tell you I am a VENGEANCE
DEMON?
This catches Buffy's attention. She and Giles starts
towards the ballroom.
ANYA
As such, I know all about the most
ridiculous human trait of all, love.
Murmurs of agreement from the audience. Buffy and
Giles spread out and start creeping towards the stage.
ANYA
I remember this one conversation I
had with this girl, a whiny little
thing who used to have her dignity.
I was trying to convince her about
the foolishness of love. So I went..
(serious Anya voice)
It makes humans vulnerable,
irrational, possessive and jealous..
and she went..
(whiny voice)
but why then is it treasured above
everything else?
Much laughter from the audience. Giles and Buffy sneak
closer. Anya getting into it now, play-acting both
voices.
ANYA
(serious Anya voice)
Can't you see what a useless,
debilitating emotion it is? It
reduces a perfectly dignified mortal
into a weak, blubbering mess of
insecurity..
(whiny voice)
but why then does this entire world
thrive on it?
More laughter. Giles and Buffy are almost at the
stage.
ANYA
(serious voice)
They all make fools of themselves.
They place their entire happiness in
the hands of another and then spend
the rest of their lives worrying
about losing that person..
(whiny voice)
but why then do they still vow their
lives to each other?
ANGLE : XANDER, WILLOW AND TARA
looking at Anya.
ANYA
So I thought to myself, maybe she
has a point. Maybe there's something
there that I don't yet understand..
(boos from the crowd)
So I told her, perhaps you're right.
Maybe it is the most beautiful thing
in the world..
(whiny voice, slightly
breaking)
but why then can it make you feel so
ugly?
The crowd breaks out in laughter and applause. Anya
stands there emotionless. She looks over at Xander and
they stare at each other for a beat. Anya then notices
something.
ANYA
Duck.
XANDER
Duck?
Buffy emerges from behind Xander.
BUFFY
Duck!
Xander does so and Buffy kicks over him and knocks
Goon#1 off the stage. The two other goons come over
and they fight. The audience stirs.
ANYA
(to the audience)
Don't worry. This is all part of the
show. Watch the mighty slayer as
she, once again, faces our fearsome
demon brothers. How will they fare?
Someone takes this cue and starts following Buffy with
the spotlight as she fights the two demons. The crowd
reacts with every punch thrown, cheering and booing.
Buffy acrobatically disposes Goon#2 off the back of
the stage and then knocks Goon#3's head against a
table. Goon#3 theatrically falls down cold onto the
floor. The audience laughs and applauds the floor
show.
Buffy suddenly notices the applause and the spotlight
on her. She is unsure of what to do. She smiles and
bows to the appreciative audience.
The gang exit as the party resumes in the ballroom.
INT. WILLOW AND TARA'S ROOM - NIGHT
Willow and Tara wearily enter their room. Willow goes
and sits on the bed. Tara joins her by her side.
WILLOW
I told you our first Halloween would
be new and different.
TARA
I'm sorry.
WILLOW
No, don't be. I'm glad the night
turned out the way it did, demons
aside. If nothing else, I got to
understand a little more about Anya.
I mean, who knew that she and I felt
the same way about..
Tara gives a quizzical look.
WILLOW
It's just that there are times that
I feel like I'm only holding on to
you by a thread. That there are so
many things out there that want to
take you away from me. I don't think
I can stand losing you.. again.
TARA
Honey.
WILLOW
Sometimes, I just want someone to
look into a crystal ball and look us
up fifty years from now. She'll tell
us that, you know, we have far too
many cats but that we're still
together and more in love than ever.
But then I wonder, what if she
doesn't even see us, five years from
now, five days even..
TARA
I have to believe that something
brought us together. When I think
about how easily we may not have
met. If you turned down a wrong
street someday or if I decided not
to go to Sunnydale, if I decided not
to turn up at that Wicca meeting..
that we could just walk by each
other one day and not even see one
another.
(a beat)
I have to believe it, because when I
look at you now, I can't imagine
there ever being anyone else for me.
Willow smiles.
TARA
But I also believe that what happens
from now is up to us. Willow, I will
always have faith in us.
A beat as they share the moment. Willow then takes
Tara's hand and gets up from the bed.
WILLOW
C'mon. I believe you owe me a dance.
Willow leads Tara to the centre of the room.
TARA
But there's no music.
Willow puts her arms around Tara and begins to sway.
WILLOW
With you, there's always music.
They continue to sway in each other's embrace.
INT. XANDER AND ANYA'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Xander and Anya enter.
XANDER
Is that what today's been all about?
You think you'll lose me? You don't
think I love you?
ANYA
I didn't say that.
XANDER
But that's what you're thinking. An,
I love you. How many ways can I say
it?
ANYA
It's not enough.
XANDER
What?
ANYA
I've been learning. I've seen the
movies. When a relationship has
progressed to the stage ours have,
there should be grand romantic
gestures.
XANDER
Gestures?
ANYA
Yes. I want there to be rain
drenching us, romantic music
swelling in the background and you
telling me that I'm the one for you
and you'll be with me forever.
XANDER
An, love isn't all about.. I mean,
it can be as simple as a smile. It's
more a matter of how you feel about
a person, you know? And everytime I
look at you, I feel it. Don't you?
ANYA
(considers it, then
smiling)
I do.
XANDER
And these feelings you get..
jealousy, insecurity, anxiety..
they're normal human traits. We all
get them.
Anya smiles warmly. She hugs Xander.
XANDER
But if you want a grand romantic
gesture..
Xander breaks from the embrace and goes to switch on
the CD player with a remote. Cue romantic tune.
XANDER
I'll give you one.
Anya stands and watches as Xander picks up a box of
matches. He takes a match out and lights it.
ANYA
What are you doing?
Xander walks over to a smoke detector and holds the
flame under it. The sprinkler system kicks in,
drenching the two. Xander walks over to Anya.
XANDER
An, you're the one for me. I'll be
with you forever.
They kiss and begin to slow dance to the music, water
pouring down.
ANYA
(through tears)
Xander, the carpet.
XANDER
I know.
ANYA
Xander..
XANDER
Shh.. I know. Besides, we better
savor the moment while we can. I
figure we've got about ten minutes
before the angry firemen arrive.
We watch Xander and Anya dancing to the music for a
beat
INT. WILLOW AND TARA'S ROOM - NIGHT
MATCH CUT:
Willow and Tara dancing to the same music. We hold for
a beat then..
BLACKOUT
END OF SHOW
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