Episode 18 - The Grand Illusion
THE GRAND ILLUSION
TEASER
EXT. PARK - DAY (DAY ONE)
ANGLE : ACTOR #1
in full Shakesperian costume..
DUKE SENIOR
Thou seest we are not all alone
unhappy. This wide and universal
theatre presents more woeful paegants
than the scene wherein we play in.
We PAN over to a second actor, also in costume.
JAQUES
All the world's a stage, and all the
men and women merely players; They have
their exits and their entrances..
ANGLE : GILES
sitting in a chair amongst a sparse crowd gathered in the
park. Giles follows the play appreciatively.
JAQUES (O.S.)
And one man in his time plays many
parts, his act being seven ages..
As we hear the actor continue to deliver his long
monologue in the background, we PAN left from Giles to..
ANGLE : BUFFY
who sits looking bewildered.. trying hard to follow the
play.
to..
ANGLE : DAWN
looking similarly bemused
to..
ANGLE : WILLOW AND TARA
both sharing a small smile as they take a look over to
their right
to..
ANGLE : XANDER
looking utterly lost.. but trying hard to follow the play
to..
ANGLE ON : THE TOP OF SOMEONE'S HEAD
We quickly stop the pan and tilt down to see Anya, in
sunglasses and half-reclined in a beach chair she has
brought along. She looks up curiously for a beat, peeking
over her sunglasses to take a look at the play, then
lying back down on the chair to catch some rays.
We FADE OUT the actor's voice.. then FADE IN a woman's
voice and DISSOLVE TO..
ANGLE : ACTORS ON A STAGE.
some time later. While some actors dance merrily at the
back, a female actress with long blonde hair is at the
front of the stage, in the middle of delivering the final
monologue.
ROSALIND
..and breaths that I defied not; and, I
am sure, as many as have good beards,
or good faces, or sweet breaths, will,
for my kind offer, when I make curtsy,
bid me farewell.
The actress curtsies and bows her head.
ANGLE : GILES
as he applauds generously with the rest of the crowd.
Buffy and Dawn applaud politely, looking relieved that
the ordeal is over.
Anya peeks up to see what the commotion is all about..
then collapses back into her chair.
ANGLE ON : THE ACTORS
standing in a line on the stage with their hands joined.
They bow to the smattering of applause.
We CUT TO:
ANGLE : THE SCOOBS
later on in a different part of the park as they start
heading home in a group. Xander lugs around Anya's now
folded-up beach chair.
GILES
(in a cheery mood)
Well, I must say.. that was rather
energising. We should all do this again
soon.
BUFFY
(to Giles)
Okay, at this point, I think it's only
fair to inform you that your position
as cruise director is seriously in
jeopardy.
GILES
(almost hurt)
You didn't enjoy it?
BUFFY
(more placating)
Oh.. no.. no. Not so much with the not
enjoying. More with the, you know, not
understanding?
XANDER
Yeah.. It's times like these I wish I'd
taken English as a second language.
GILES
(indignant)
This is Shakespeare.. One of the
greatest writers in our history.
XANDER
Yeah, but what has he done lately?
Giles stops and turns around to face the group.
GILES
Culture.. education.. refinement. Don't
these words mean anything to you
people?
ANYA
They all start with Z.
DAWN
Z?
ANYA
Sure, you know.. Zzzzzz.
GILES
(befuddled)
Honestly.. I thought we'd enjoy this
pleasant comic diversion.
BUFFY
Comic? That was a comedy?
GILES
Of course it was. Why did you think
everyone around you was laughing?
Buffy looks nervously around the group.
BUFFY
I thought, maybe.. you know.. the
costumes?
Giles sighs.. giving up. He turns around and starts the
group walking again.
GILES
For goodness' sake.. First, you beg me
to organise something entertaining for
us to do as a group..
XANDER
Hey! I say.. if it's something they had
to force you to do in high school, it
ain't entertaining.
ANGLE : WILLOW AND TARA
walking close together.
WILLOW
(trying to perk Giles up)
Well, we thought it was.. fun.
Willow looks to Tara for some help.
TARA
(picking up on this)
Yeah! And that thing.. that thing they
did at the end?.. with the singing and
the dancing? Totally didn't see that
coming.
ANYA
Oh, you two are so civilised.
WILLOW
Some people think it's cool to be well
read.
XANDER
Reading's overrated. I mean, why ruin a
perfectly good movie adaptation by
knowing the ending beforehand?
A man, walking in the opposite direction, bumps into
Buffy.
BUFFY
Oh.. sorry.
The man looks up at Buffy. He looks disorientated and
completely lost. He takes a look at Buffy, then walks
away, mumbling to himself. Buffy takes a second look at
the departing stranger, then moves on with the group.
GILES
Well, what exactly do you people want
to do? I suppose you all just want to
get rid of me so that you can go 'hang'
with people your own age.
ANYA
Oh God yes! Finally, someone said it!
Everyone stops. Anya takes a beat to study the
unbelieving faces now turned towards her.
ANYA
Wait.. Did I just say that out loud?
Buffy nods subtly towards Giles.. who has taken off his
glasses and is rubbing it with a handkerchief.. looking
off into the distance and seemingly waiting for an
apology. Anya sighs and turns ruefully towards Giles.
ANYA
I'm sorry.
(a beat)
I only meant to think it.
Giles puts on his glasses.. sighs and continues to look
off into the distance.. not impressed.
BUFFY
What she means is that there're tons of
fun things we can all do together as a
group..
(turning towards the Scoobs)
Right?
General nods and murmurs of agreement from the group.
BUFFY
Yeah.. there's the cinema, you know,
the old panacea for the masses. Ooh..
we could go watch something sub-titly.
There're oodles of places we could go.
The museum, the art gallery..
DAWN
(looking off to the side)
The circus!
BUFFY
.. is not one of them.
DAWN
(pointing to the side)
No.. Look. Circus!
Everyone turns to look.
ANGLE : A BIG TENT.
sitting silently in the middle of the park. There are a
series of smaller tents and buildings set up around it.
Some workers are busy putting the final touches on some
of the buildings.
XANDER
When did that pop up?
ANGLE : DAWN
looking towards the circus tent with awe.. with longing.
Buffy notices.
BUFFY
Oh.. no, no, no, no.
DAWN
Yes! Please?
BUFFY
No. Remember what happened last time we
went off to the circus? They have like
pictures of us stuck on the wall of
every ticket-booth of every circus in
this country.
DAWN
Oh Come on. That's a monk memory. It
doesn't count.
BUFFY
Well, maybe the monks knew something we
don't know.
DAWN
Please?
BUFFY
Look.. Maybe if someone else wanted to
go..
Dawn springs around to face Willow and Tara.
WILLOW
Umm.. maybe? I mean, if everyone else
wanted to go. I'd be cool with it.
TARA
Sure. Why not?
Dawn turns happily back towards Buffy.
BUFFY
Push-overs don't count.
Willow and Tara look a tad unimpressed. Dawn turns
towards Anya.
DAWN
Anya?
ANYA
Oh, I do so look forward to spending
the rest of my day stepping around
animal faeces.
Dawn looks dissapointed and thinks for a moment. Then,
something occurs to her and a mischievous look appears on
her face.
DAWN
They'll be monkeys.
ANYA
(suddenly interested)
Monkeys?
BUFFY
(reproachfully)
Dawn.
DAWN
(ignoring Buffy; excitedly)
Monkeys on.. on.. bears.
ANYA
Monkeys on bears?
DAWN
..on bikes.
ANYA
Monkeys on bears on bikes?
A strange expression appears on Anya's face.. like
controlled delirium.. her eyes glazing over.
XANDER
Uh oh.
The group walks slowly away off-camera. We CRANE over
them and towards the circus. We see a few workers on
ladders unveiling a large sign over the circus tent.
ANGLE ON : THE SIGN
which reads.. "The Grand Illusion".
BLACKOUT
END OF TEASER
CONTINUE TO ACT ONE