Episode 12 - Remedial Measures
REMEDIAL MEASURES
TEASER
EXT. OUTSIDE SUNNYDALE BLOOD BANK - NIGHT (NIGHT ONE)
We see a group of five vamps loading boxes and boxes
of blood supplies into a truck. A vamp emerges from
the building inside. He carries six individual packets
of blood in his hands.
RORY
Right. Time for a break. Gather
round lads.
The vamps stop their tasks and gather round in a semi-
circle underneath Rory who is standing on the top of a
small set of steps leading from the Blood bank.
RORY
(throwing the blood
packets over to the vamps
as he speaks)
Kevin, Mike? 'A positive' for you.
Simon, 'O positive'. Linus? 'B
negative'.
(takes a second look at
the last packet in his
hands)
Okay, who ordered the 'AB negative'?
A look of disgust on the faces of some of the vamps.
From the back, a stoned looking hippy vamp raises his
hand.
MOONDOG
Right here.
(off the looks)
Hey, be cool guys. I like what I
like.
Rory throws him his packet. The vamps find a spot to
sit and dig in, biting into their packets. Simon looks
a little dissapointed with his blood.
SIMON
It's a little cold.
RORY
(sarcasm on)
I'm sorry. Do you want me to warm it
up for you? How about a twist of
lemon? Or maybe you'd like a paper
to go with that?
SIMON
Well, I do have to check my Intel
stocks.
RORY
Shut your yap and finish your blood.
We've still a lot to do tonight.
This little bounty will last us for
a few weeks, enough at least until
the next shipment arrives.
LINUS
This stuff is okay, but it just
isn't the same as the taste of a
fresh kill.
(with longing)
Let me tell you, there's this small
little village somewhere in Romania,
where the nights are cool and the
air fresh. It is a place untouched
by modern civilisation, a place
where you can feast on the sweet,
warm, untainted blood of young
peasant girls.
The vamps stop feeding on their blood packets and look
up at Linus.
LINUS
(in a happy place,
hypnotic voice)
The blood flows down your throat
like sweet nectar, tingling every
pore of your skin. The fragrance is
intoxicating, filling your nose with
the sweet smell of death. The
temptation is just to feed quickly,
gorging yourself like an animal. But
I find that it is best savoured if
you take it slow.. to let every drop
seep into your system. Drop after
drop after drop.
The vamps, caught in the moment, simply stare at
Linus, then look down dolefully at the blood packets
in their hands. In the quiet, we hear a stomach
rumble.
KEVIN
(to Linus)
You don't know what you're talking
about. I've tasted the blood from
four continents and let me tell you,
there's nothing better than the
blood you find right here, in the
U.S. of A.
LINUS
Nonsense. There's no comparison.
Kevin, angry, gets up and stands over Linus.
KEVIN
I say American!
Linus stands up and snarls. The two face to face,
ready for action. A tension filled beat.. then..
MOONDOG
(in a world of his own,
oblivious to the action)
Has anyone here ever tried frog's
blood? It's really mellow man. It's
just like kava.
The vamps turn to look at Moondog. Moondog takes a
beat to notice the looks, then..
MOONDOG
Oh man, did I just say that out
loud?
Suddenly..
BUFFY (O.S.)
Well, what do we have here?
Vamps look up and behind them.
REVERSE ANGLE:
Buffy on the roof of the building, looking down on the
vamps. Very slayery with hands on hips, oozing
confidence. She jumps down to the steps and takes a
look around.
BUFFY
Ooh, plasma party. Can I savour the
favours?
(takes a second look at
the vamps around her)
Or do I have to be a certain level
of ugly to join?
RORY
(snarling)
Slayer!
BUFFY
(mocking the moment)
Vampire!
Rory throws his blood packet on the ground, readying
for action.
BUFFY
(taking a look at the
discarded packet)
Hey! What have I said about
littering?
(like a schoolteacher)
Do I have to stand here and give you
guys the speech about civic duty?
Three of the vamps, Simon, Mike and Moondog, look at
each other nervously. They speed off into the night.
BUFFY
What! Are you guys running?
Rory, Linus and Kevin spread out.
RORY
We're still here.
BUFFY
Well yeah, but it's like only three
to one now. I mean, that's not even
a challenge, what with fighting the
vamps General John West rejected. At
least with six to one, I could've
gone home with a warm glow of
slaying satisfaction.
RORY
You talk too much slayer.
BUFFY
Sticks and stones may break my bones
but this..
(Buffy produces her stake)
is one really sharp stick. Guess
what it does to vamps.
Kevin and Linus attacks. Buffy handles them with ease,
staking them both in quick succession. Buffy steps
casually towards Rory.
BUFFY
(singing)
And if two bottles of beer should
fall, they'll be one bottle of beer
on the wall.
RORY
(angry)
I'm sick of this. You're everywhere!
Rory attacks. He and Buffy exchange blows, then end up
in a grapple.
RORY
Don't you have a life?
An annoyed look crosses Buffy's face. She spins out of
the hold, quickly getting behind Rory, then staking
him as Rory turns to face her. Dust.
BUFFY
(to dear departed Rory,
pouting)
I do so have a life. I simply choose
to spend my evenings on slayer duty.
So there.
Buffy pouts for a beat longer, then exits off-screen
to the left. We hold on the empty shot for a beat
before we see Buffy re-enter the screen from the left,
heading in the other direction.
BUFFY
(to a pile of dust)
See, I'm going over to have a Mocca
lite right now.. and.. maybe even a
doughnut to go with it. I so have a
life.
Buffy exits stage right.
We prelap :
THE GENERAL (V.O.)
So, did you two have fun tonight?
INT. GENERAL'S MANSION - NIGHT
ANGLE : FLIX AND TRIX
dressed identically in pretty but fairly demure
dresses. Flix in a blonde wig and Trix in a black wig.
We PAN to follow as they run to the General who is
sitting on his throne. They both sit on the arm rests,
on either side of the General.
FLIX
(happily snuggling against
the General)
The best.
THE GENERAL
Let me have a better look at you
two.
The twins stand up and take a step back from the
General, happily modelling their outfits, playfully
twirling around for him.
THE GENERAL
Look at you two. How pretty you are.
My two beautiful jewels in my future
crown.
The twins smile and return to sitting besides the
General. We now see Sasha and Solomon standing in
front of the General and the twins.
THE GENERAL
(to Sasha)
How was the feeding?
SASHA
They had no trouble attracting the
food.
FLIX
(to the General)
I had three! Trix only had two.
TRIX
Well, I'm watching my figure.
Something some of us neglect to do.
An angry snarl from Flix, then..
FLIX
(to the General)
It doesn't seem to matter what we
wear, short, trampy skirts, innocent
little schoolgirl outfits, leather..
the food always comes to us.
TRIX
Just, you know, different kinds of
food.
THE GENERAL
Well, I'm glad to hear it. Now, why
don't you two head to bed. The sun
is almost up and you two sound like
you need your rest.
The twins both kiss the General on the cheek and
happily run off towards the exit.
ANGLE : FLIX AND TRIX
as they run towards the camera as we look in from the
exit.
TRIX
Next time, I get to be blonde.
FLIX
You're so not blonde.
As they run past the camera and exit, we see Harmony
lurking in the shadows, turning her attention back to
the General, Sasha and Solomon.
ANGLE : THE GENERAL
looking on happily after his two charges.
THE GENERAL
Tell me, did they behave themselves?
SASHA
A few unsettling table manners, but
otherwise..
THE GENERAL
Good, good. They grow up so fast. I
know that one day, I'll have to let
them go and let them out into the
world, alone.
SASHA
Somehow I think they'll be ready for
the world. It's just a matter
whether the world is ready for them.
SOLOMON
Is our assassin arriving tommorow?
THE GENERAL
Yes. The legendary Hathos himself.
It will be a great privilege to
finally meet him. No one actually
knows what he looks like, or how he
operates. They only judge him by his
results.
SASHA
And you think he can kill the
slayer?
THE GENERAL
Of course. He has killed mighty
demons and warlocks. I feel sure
this assignment is almost beneath
him.. but, we are paying him well.
I'm sure he is a true professional.
I'm very interested in seeing how he
works. Like all assassins, I'm sure
he is precise, meticulous and above
all, silent. It is the true art of
the assasin.. death by whispers.
EXT. JUST OUTSIDE SUNNYDALE - NIGHT
We hear a loud blast of a horn as a train passes by.
The train is moving at a leisurely pace as it
approaches town.
We see a hobo running after one of the carriages. He
eventually manages to grab on and hops in to a
carriage.
INT. INSIDE A TRAIN CARRIAGE - NIGHT
It is fairly dark in here. We see the hobo get to his
feet after hopping in. He bumps into something inside
the carriage.
HOBO
What the..
The hobo reaches inside his pocket, and gets out a
lighter. He flicks the flame on.
We see a large wooden crate in the center of the
carriage, taking up much of its space. The hobo puts
his hands on the crate.
HOBO
Well, well. What do we have here?
He peers inside a hole in the crate but sees nothing.
He then reaches in with his hand, trying to feel the
cargo inside. Silence for a beat as he continues to
wriggle his arm to try to feel for the cargo.
He suddenly hears something move inside and
immediately pulls his arm out. He takes a step back.
We hear a noise, some very heavy breathing, as if
something just awoke.
HOBO
(nervous)
Hello?
The hobo picks up a small piece of wood from the floor
and holds it threateningly towards the box.
HOBO
I've got myself a weapon here.
ANGLE ON : THE BOX
as we slowly PUSH IN on it. We continue to hear loud
breathing noises from within, like an animal's
breathing, getting louder and louder.
The Hobo begins to step nervously towards the box
when.. BAM! The box blows apart as something rips its
way out of it. The light dissapears from the carriage
as the hobo is thrown against the carriage wall and
the lighter flame goes out.
In near darkness, the Hobo madly scrambles to find his
lighter as we hear loud, heavy footsteps stepping
closer to him. He finally gets hold of the lighter,
and after a few unsuccessful tries, he manages to
light a flame. He looks up in horror.
REVERSE ANGLE:
A huge red-skinned demon towering over him, with a
head like a bull (with horns), a well-muscled body,
overly-large, powerful legs and a large spiked tail.
It carries a giant scythe with one hand. In the other,
he holds a chain.
We PAN over from the chain to reveal it is chained to
the hands of a slight and very fragile-looking young
female. Not human, but very human-like in appearance
with elven features. She looks terrified.
The bull-like demon takes one look at the hobo and
roars and almighty, deafening roar. The hobo drops the
lighter (which remains alight thus providing light)
and covers his ears in pain.
The bull-like demon takes a look out the open carriage
door, then picks the girl up effortlessly with one arm
and they both jump out the carriage. The hobo rushes
over to look.
We see the bull-like demon land effortlessly on the
ground on its powerful legs as we see the train pass
by in the background. It takes a few giant hops
forward and stops when he reaches the top of a hill.
He puts the girl down.
The bull-like demon looks at the vista ahead of him.
REVERSE ANGLE:
In the distance, we see Sunnydale at night, lights
blinking.
ANGLE : THE BULL-DEMON
as he smiles.
BULL-DEMON
(in a very deep, booming
voice)
Sunnydale.
BLACKOUT
END OF TEASER
CONTINUE TO ACT ONE