Episode 9 - Wishes and Surprises
ACT ONE
EXT. THE MAGIC BOX - DAY
to establish.
INT. THE MAGIC BOX - DAY
We see Willow, Tara, Xander and Anya in the closed
Magic Box. Xander and Anya are standing behind the
counter while Willow and Tara are standing in front of
the counter.
WILLOW
(to Xander and Anya)
So, you guys all set for tonight?
XANDER
Yup. Wait until you see the
apartment. You wouldn't recognise it
now that it's been treated to the
Xander party makeover.
WILLOW
I hope you didn't overdo it.
TARA
Buffy said she just wanted something
simple.
XANDER
Don't worry. When I say makeover, I
just mean that I hung up a few
balloons and banners. Mind you, it
still screams fun but, you know, in
a subtle way. Kinda like Feng Shui
for parties.
ANYA
(giddy with delight)
Oh I just love birthdays!
WILLOW
Uh oh.
ANYA
Not just my birthday, everyone's
birthday! Buffy's birthday,
Xander's, Dawn's, Tara's, Giles'..
Everybody.
A little look from Willow.
ANYA
You know what we should do? Get more
birthdays! We could all make some
new friends and.. and Oh! We can
make it so that we get to celebrate
a birthday for every week of the
year! We could plan it out. We'll
ask our..
(making the universal
symbol for inverted commas
with her hands)
"friends" when their birthdays are
and we'll list it down so that we
can keep track.
XANDER
An.
Anya ignores Xander. She takes out a calculator and
starts entering some numbers.
ANYA
Let's see, there's 52 weeks in the
year. There's already seven of us,
so that leaves 45. 45 divided by
seven leaves us with.. 6.43. See!
Each one of us need only make
6.43 friends each and we're covered!
(noticing the looks)
What? Of course we'll round down for
Giles because, you know, he's such a
recluse and I'll take an extra one
myself. Now, Xander will find
friends with birthdays falling in
the first six weeks of the year,
then Willow can..
XANDER
Okay, let's just stop you right
there.
WILLOW
I think you probably should've
stopped her before she got to the
math.
ANYA
(I don't get it)
What?
TARA
(changing the subject)
So, everyone's got their present for
Buffy?
XANDER
Yeah. But it's like getting tougher
every year to shop for her. I mean,
it's not like you can just pop into
your local 'Slayers'R'Us' and get
her a little something.
TARA
I think maybe she'd be happy with
something, you know, normal.
ANYA
Normal's boring. I have to go find
her something special, something
great, so that when it's her turn to
reciprocate, I don't get a crappy
present in return, you know, like
the one Willow gave me last year.
WILLOW
(sarcasm on)
Well, you should really look forward
to your next birthday then cause
your next present's gonna be a
corker.
XANDER
We still have to get a card for
Buffy. Are we thinking 'simple and
sweet' or 'funny and jokey'?
ANYA
Oh! 'Funny and Jokey'! I love those
humorous little cards with those
talking animals on the cover.
They're always saying something
witty but relevant and plus, talking
animals!
WILLOW
Maybe we should hold off on that
until we get a read on how Buffy's
feeling about today. I mean, it's
her first birthday without her Mom,
she might be a little wigged and
depressed.
We hear the door-bell ringing as Buffy, Giles and Dawn
enters. Buffy is laughing very hard with Dawn.
WILLOW
Or not.
BUFFY
(happily to the Gang)
Guys!
Hugs all around.
XANDER
Happy Birthday Buffy.
BUFFY
Thanks you guys!
WILLOW
Are you feeling okay?
BUFFY
Of course I am Will. Why wouldn't I
be? It's my birthday and I'm hanging
with my bestest pals.
DAWN
And your bestest sibling.
Everyone except Giles moves to the table and sits
down. Giles heads over to the counter.
XANDER
So, Buff. Hitting the big two-one.
BUFFY
Yeah. Now, not only can I slay the
holy undead and handle dangerous
weapons, I can now legally consume
alcohol.
XANDER
Tonight's big Buffy birthday bash
bonanza still on? I have pizza.
BUFFY
Of course it's on. I mean, pizza,
presents and praise? Who can resist
that irresistable cocktail?
XANDER
Good. Now, we've kinda got the food,
decorations and presents covered. I
was wondering if you wanted anything
else at the party.
BUFFY
Want?
XANDER
Yeah, any special requests? Perhaps
something in terms of tonight's
entertainment?
ANYA
Dancing monkeys!
XANDER
Okay An, when's the last time you
saw a dancing monkey at a party?
WILLOW
When's the last time you saw a
dancing monkey?
ANYA
No, no. It'll be fun. We'll get the
guy with the music box in and he'll,
you know, turn the handle and the
music will start playing and hey..
monkey madness. It'll be quirky
funny.
XANDER
An, what say we let Buffy, the
birthday girl, decide and you, the
guest, not. Again, Buffy, with the
sensible tastes and not you, with
the freaky fetishes.
BUFFY
As much as I love a good simian
samba, I think I'll pass. I just
want everything to be nice, simple
and stress-free. So long as
everybody's there, you know, I'll be
happy. You know what? I'm actually
looking forward to tonight. I'm
totally in the mood to celebrate all
things non-vampy.
Christopher enters from the training room and walks to
Giles. They begin to have a conversation. Buffy takes
a lingering look at Christopher while she talks.
Willow notices.
BUFFY
Today's just gonna be about us.
Friends, family.. it's all good. I
can sit back and relax, you know,
not worry about patrolling..
GILES
Actually, there is a patrol tonight.
BUFFY
There is?
GILES
I'm afraid there's been reports of
increased vampire activity around
the town lately. We should really
take some time to investigate.
Perhaps we'll get lucky and one of
them will lead us to the General.
BUFFY
By we, we mean me, right?
GILES
(sensing Buffy's
dissapointment)
Not necessarily. No, I'm sure I
could take tonight's patrol.
(smiling)
It'll give me a chance to make use
of my impressive skulking abilities.
Giles, feeling good about himself, casually reaches
for his mug on the counter without looking and
promptly knocks it to the floor, causing an almighty
sound of glass smashing on the floor. Sound
reverberates through the room.
BUFFY
Why don't I take the patrol.
GILES
Perhaps that would be wiser.
Giles walks around the counter to start picking up the
remnants of his mug.
GILES
It'll probably be nothing. And we
can still have the party after your
patrol.
DAWN
Yeah. We'll delay the festivities
until you get back.
BUFFY
Check. Patrol first, cake later.
CHRISTOPHER
I'll come along.
BUFFY
(gratefully, a little
smile)
Okay.
Buffy looks on at Chris a little longer as he retreats
back into the training room.
XANDER
(to Dawn)
So, Dawnster. Ready to head off?
DAWN
Ready.
BUFFY
You guys off already?
XANDER
Yeah, we still have a few things to
pick up for the party.
(indicating Dawn)
Me and my little helper's gonna make
the rounds and stockpile the party
favours.
DAWN
Little! I'm like almost taller than
Buffy you know.
Xander and Dawn begin to leave. Anya gets up to join
them.
BUFFY
Anya. You're bailing too?
ANYA
I still have to get you your
present.
BUFFY
I'm touched that you've decided to
wait until the actual day of my
birthday to get me my present.
ANYA
The way I view it, your birthday
doesn't officially start until the
fun party starts so you see, I have
plenty of time.
Xander, Dawn and Anya exits. Tara gets up and walks to
Giles. They begin to have an earnest conversation away
from Buffy and Willow.
WILLOW
So, what's going on between you and
Chris?
BUFFY
Going? Nothing going. Big no on the
go.
WILLOW
I see the looks you're giving him.
BUFFY
I have a look?
WILLOW
Well, not a specific look, just, you
know, of the lingering variety.
BUFFY
I linger?
WILLOW
Come on Buffy, spill.
BUFFY
It's nothing really. I just think we
have a lot in common. I think he
understands, you know, stuff.. stuff
that I'm going through. We can sorta
relate. Plus, there have been
moments.
WILLOW
(aghast)
Moments? There were moments and you
didn't tell?
BUFFY
Well, they were like teeny weeny
moments, nano-moments. Barely
discernible to the untrained eye.
I'm not even sure really. Anyway,
it'll never work out.
WILLOW
Why not?
BUFFY
Well, there's the age thing. He's
like in his thirties.
WILLOW
Okay, hands up who here at this
table has dated a 246 year old
vampire? Granted, a 246 year old
vampire who will forever look like a
GQ model, but I think the point
stands.
BUFFY
Oh, there's the thing where he's a
watcher and I'm a slayer. Isn't that
like wrong?
WILLOW
Hate to bring up the 'A' word again
but if you're gonna talk about
unconventional relationships..
Anyway, it's not like he's your
watcher or anything.
BUFFY
I don't know. I'm not even really
sure what's going on. It's hard to
get a read on him. In fact, I'm sure
I'm over-reading. I'm like the
bookworm of the heart. Don't they
have a pill for that?
WILLOW
Well, whatever it is, I'm sure it
won't hurt to ask a certain somebody
to come to a certain party tonight.
BUFFY
Could be a tough sell. He can be a
little 'duty this and responsibility
that'.
Willow begins to get up from the table.
WILLOW
Well, I'm sure if anyone can sell
it, you can.
BUFFY
What? You abandoning me too?
WILLOW
Sorry. Gotta meet some people for
study group. I'll be gone for an
hour or so, but after that, I'm
totally yours. See ya.
BUFFY
Bye.
(to herself)
Who has study group on Saturday?
Willow heads over to Tara and Giles.
WILLOW
(to Tara)
Ready to go?
TARA
Actually, um.. I'm gonna stay and
help Mr Giles with some shop stuff.
WILLOW
Really?
GILES
Yes, Tara's been kind enough to
offer to help me sort through some
of the inventory.
Christopher enters from the training room. He remains
standing by the doorway, waiting.
WILLOW
Okay. I can come back after study
group, you know, lend a hand.
GILES
(not looking at Willow)
There's no need. You concentrate on
your studies. We have matters in
hand here.
TARA
(to Willow)
It's okay, I'll catch you after.
Willow senses a strange vibe but lets it go.
WILLOW
Okay, so I guess I'll see you.
TARA
Yes.
Willow leaves. Giles goes to the door, watching Willow
depart.
BUFFY
(to Giles)
So Giles, whatchya' get me for my
birthday? Something bright and
sparkly?
Giles isn't listening. Buffy looks dissapointed.
Giles, after watching Willow turn the corner, locks
the door behind her. A few looks between Giles,
Christopher and Tara.
BUFFY
(noticing)
Okay, what's going on here? Chris?
Tara? Giles?
GILES
(to Tara)
Tell her.
ANGLE : BUFFY
Concerned face. What's going on?
We prelap:
HARMONY (O.S.)
So, what did you want to tell me?
INT. HARMONY'S CAVE - DAY
We see Harmony seated in a chair and DeGarrin kneeling
in front of her, hands on her shoulders.
DEGARRIN
I just wanted to tell you that
you're the most beautiful, the most
stimulating girl this side of the
undead.
HARMONY
(overcome)
Oh Baby! Kissy hugs!
Harmony lunges over at DeGarrin, hugging and kissing
him.
DEGARRIN
(gently pushing her away)
Alright. Plenty of time for that
later.
DeGarrin pushes a still smiling Harmony back into her
chair.
DEGARRIN
Now, you'd do anything for me now
wouldn't you?
HARMONY
Of course sweetie-pie.
DEGARRIN
Good, because there's something we
have to do tonight.
HARMONY
Tonight? But I thought we were
totally blowing this town. What are
we doing?
DEGARRIN
Something important. More important
than our little lives.
(noticing Harmony's
concern)
Don't worry. I'll be right there
with you. I'll keep you safe. And
afterwards, we'll leave this town
together, you and I, but this thing
has to be done. Can you do this
thing for me Harm?
Harmony considers this for a beat, a little concerned
at first, but gradually producing a smile.
EXT. THE MAGIC BOX - DAY
to establish
INT. THE MAGIC BOX - DAY
ANGLE : BUFFY
looking a little stunned, just after being told the
news.
BUFFY
Solomon.. Wow.
GILES
Quite.
BUFFY
(to Tara)
How long has this been going on?
TARA
I got the first letter last month,
when you guys had the class reunion.
CHRISTOPHER
First? There were others?
TARA
A few.
BUFFY
What is it about vamps and obsessive
stalking? Who knows about this?
GILES
Me, Christopher and now you.
BUFFY
(to Tara)
Why didn't you say something sooner?
TARA
I wasn't really sure what it all
meant. Not until that Christmas Eve
party anyway. I didn't want to get
anyone worried or, you know, in
trouble.
BUFFY
Will doesn't know?
TARA
(shakes her head, then..)
Please don't tell her.
BUFFY
I think she should really know about
this.
TARA
Not yet. Not until we're certain.
It's just after what happened last
year with Glory.. Please don't tell
her.
BUFFY
(taking a second to
consider, then..)
Okay.. for now. But from now on,
when night falls, you don't go
anywhere without someone else being
with you. You'll travel with us in a
group.
TARA
I really don't think..
BUFFY
Okay, please don't take this
personally but since you're a Scoob
now, I feel I can say this to you.
No arguments! Tara, this is serious
stuff. We're not gonna take any
unnecessary risks.
CHRISTOPHER
(to Tara)
I think it would be wise for you to
stay in your room at night. He can't
come in without an invitation and
it's located in a densely populated
building. Also, you should consider
wearing a cross around your neck.
GILES
Buffy, we should step up our patrols
to look for the General and Solomon.
Christopher and I will take on extra
patrols if we have to.
Buffy and Christopher nod in agreement. Giles goes
over to Tara and puts an arm around Tara.
GILES
Not to worry, none of us are going
to let anything happen to you.
Tara smiles up at Giles. Buffy looks at Giles and
Tara, a blank expression on her face.
INT. A CLOTHING SHOP - NIGHT
ANGLE ON : CLOSED CURTAINS OF A DRESSING ROOM
as Harmony pulls it open to reveal Harmony in a bright
new ensemble; sequined top, bright fluorescent pants.
HARMONY
Well, how do I look?
Harmony twirls around. In the background, in the
reflection in the dressing room mirror, we see a
terrified salesperson sitting on the floor against a
counter by herself. She's looking up at Harmony.
HARMONY
Well?
The saleslady in the mirror doesn't answer. Suddenly,
her head twists violently around and we hear a snap.
We PAN around from Harmony and the mirror to the
counter where we see DeGarrin, wearing a long black
coat, sitting against the counter, cradling the now
lifeless body of the salesperson.
DEGARRIN
Harmony, not while I'm eating,
right?
HARMONY
Why did you do that for? I mean, I
really wanted her opinion too. Guys
totally just don't get fashion.
DEGARRIN
You really are the strangest
vampire.
HARMONY
But you love me just the same don't
you baby?
Harmony runs over to DeGarrin. In trying to hug him,
Harmony grabs on to one of DeGarrin's arms. We hear a
click and suddenly, we see a stake jut out from under
his coat sleeve, inches away from Harmony's heart.
Harmony falls back in fright.
DEGARRIN
Careful now. Don't want to play with
Daddy's toys now do we?
DeGarrin pushes the stake back in place, hidden under
his coat sleeve. It snaps back into position with a
click.
HARMONY
What is that? I mean, I know what it
is but like, what are you doing with
a stake?
DEGARRIN
Don't worry. It isn't for you. Why
don't you head off now and go find
your friend. I'll join you after my
snack.
DeGarrin bites down viciously on the neck of the
salesperson, feeding voraciously.
HARMONY
(meekly)
Okay.
Harmony gets up, turns away from the feeding and exits
the shop.
EXT. WOODS - NIGHT
We see Buffy and Christopher walking side by side, out
on a patrol.
BUFFY
So, increased vamp activity in the
woods huh. Not exactly teeming with
potential meals, unless they've
decided to dine in at McWildlife.
CHRISTOPHER
I think it's safe to assume that
with the arrival of the General, the
vampires are no longer purely and
solely motivated by their lust for
blood.
BUFFY
(smiling)
So, maybe the General's like a vampy
Freud, you know, introducing the
wonderful world of psychoanalysis to
the vampy masses. Hello ego, goodbye
id.
Chris remains unamused. Buffy regathers.
BUFFY
(nervous segue)
Speaking of all things lusty, I'm so
lusting for some birthday cake right
now.
Buffy immediately regrets that last sentence. She
shakes her head in disbelief behind Christopher. She
tries again.
BUFFY
I'll bet Xander and Anya's brought
far too much food to the party. I
doubt if our little group's going to
be able to finish it all. I mean,
there's always like leftovers every
year and no one really ever knows
what to do with it.
Chris ignore the birthday prattle.
BUFFY
So.. I'm saying, if you maybe wanted
to come, you'd be more than welcome.
CHRISTOPHER
I don't do birthdays.
BUFFY
Oh. Well, it's not like you can't
bring some work to the table. You
know, we can all sit down and
discuss the fate of the world and
demonic eviscerations. It'll be like
a slayer/watcher conference except,
you know, with cake and presents.
CHRISTOPHER
We should split up. We'll cover more
ground that way.
BUFFY
(dissapointed)
Oh. Okay.
Christopher breaks off from Buffy and walks away.
Buffy looks on glumly for a beat before walking on.
Buffy walks on for a beat before she sees something
off in the distance. She quickly hides in some bushes,
watching something.
REVERSE ANGLE:
Harmony and another vampire, Todd, in a clearing in
the woods.
Todd is a slight, bookish vamp wearing glasses. He's
carrying a backpack and is holding onto a vial
containing a shimmering blue liquid.
HARMONY
But I'm like desperate. I want to
join the group. It's so boring out
here.
TODD
I don't know. The General demands
only the best vampires to join in
his quest.
Todd opens the vial and pours some of the liquid onto
the ground. A brief blue glow emanates from the earth.
TODD
I mean, do you think he entrusts
such important tasks as what I'm
doing now to just any common vamp?
HARMONY
Important? You're like watering the
lawn.
TODD
No. I'm helping the General prepare
for the ritual. The most important
ritual of all. You wouldn't
understand.
HARMONY
Whatever.
Harmony slinks up to Todd, all sexy and seductive. She
touches his hands, shoulders.. smouldering.
HARMONY
You know how I always ignored you
before. Well, if you do this thing
for me, if you can get me in.. I can
make it all up to you.. and more.
Think about it. All those naughty
little daydreams you've had can come
true.
We see Todd, completely absorbed in the moment,
absent-mindedly spill some more of the blue liquid
onto the ground. Harmony smiles.
TODD
(flustered)
I'll see what I can do. Meet me back
here in an hour and I'll take you to
the General.
Harmony smiles and kisses Todd on the cheek.
HARMONY
My hero.
Todd walks away embarassed. He takes out a piece of
paper and looks at it, and walks as if following
directions. He takes out the next vial in his
backpack.
ANGLE : BUFFY
watching this all with interest.
Once Todd has departed, Harmony turns towards Buffy's
direction.
HARMONY
(happily, clapping her
hands)
I did it! I did it! Are you proud of
me honey-bun?
Buffy looks a little confused. She then senses someone
behind her. She turns, stake raised. She's knocked
down onto the ground by a hand.
ANGLE : DEGARRIN
looking down at Buffy.
DEGARRIN
I don't think so little girl.
BLACKOUT
END OF ACT ONE
CONTINUE TO ACT TWO