1.  Testosterone is the great equalizer; it turns all men into morons.

  2.  TV is the idiot box.  The computer is the good box.

  3.  Hyenas are the schmoes of the animal kingdom.

  4.  The hardest thing in this world is to live in it.

  5.  Variety is the spice of bad.

  6.  Blood is life.  It's what makes you warm, makes you hard, makes you other than dead.

  7.  Don't eat the principal.

  8.  Strong is fighting.  It's hard and it's painful and it's every day, but it's what we have to do.

  9.  Love makes you do the wacky.

10.  Love isn't brains, it's blood screaming inside of you to work its will.

11.  Always carry a beeper in case the apocalypse comes.

12.  A good day to break up with someone is any day but Valentine's Day or your wedding day.

13.  Good dogs don't bite.

14.  The world is what it is.  We fight.  We die.  Wishing doesn't change that.

15.  Be careful what you wish for.  And whom you make wishes to.

16.  There comes a time when you either have to move out of your parents' basement or buy yourself a Klingon costume and just go with it.

17.  Connery is Bond.  Accept no substitutes.

18.  Live in the now.

19.  Seize the moment, 'cause tomorrow you might be dead.

20.  Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever.  But get over it or pretty soon you won't have the friends you have now.

21.  When playing poker, always have a kitten up your sleeve.

22.  Beware of birthdays.

23.  There is no problem that cannot be solved by chocolate.

24.  Being wanted for murder is really a drag.

25.  Home schooling:  it's not just for scary religious people anymore.

26.  Gathering: brie and mellow song stylings.
        Shin dig: Dip, less mellow song stylings, perhaps a large amount of malt beverage. 
        Hootenanny: just chock full of hoot and a little bit of nanny.

27.  Don't taunt the fear demon.  It's tacky.

28.  All men are beasts.

29.  Want.  Take.  Have.

30.  Sarcasm is an end in itself.

31.  Stalking a girl is not a turn-on.

32.  Beer is bad.  And also foamy.

33.  Magic and medicine don't mix.

34.  Never send a minion to do a god's work.

35.  Everybody loves bawdy French farce.

36.  There's nothing like getting your ass kicked to make your ass hurt.

37.  People in love are always a little crazy.  And a little dangerous.

38.  There are a lot of different kinds of families.

39.  Working in fast food will kill you.

40.  Lots of schools aren't ON Hellmouths.

41.  There really are demons in the Internet.  Other than AOL.

42.  The square root of 841 is 29.

43.  There are many alternate worlds.  Including one without shrimp.

44.  It's not always about you.  Unless you're Buffy.

45.  Fire bad, tree pretty.

46.  If a new boyfriend seems too perfect, he's probably a homicidal robot.

47.  Find out the returns and exchanges policy on all gifts.

48.  Tell people you love them over and over until it makes everyone uncomfortable, just in case.

49.  Life is like becoming vampire: it's a whole big sucking thing.

50.  Never invite pale strangers into your home.

51.  The geeks shall inherit the earth.  Or possibly conquer it.

52.  Fairy tales are real.  So is Santa Claus.

53.  Beware of bunnies.

54.  Check your dates for a pulse before you kiss them.

55.  In life you can either do things the hard way or…actually, there's just the hard way.

56.  Smart chicks are hot.

57.  To fight a god, use the weapon of a god.

58.  Sometimes life is one big scavenger hunt.

59.  Thanksgiving is a ritual sacrifice.  With pie.

60.  It is a statistical impossibility for a teenage girl to unplug a phone.

61.  Nothing says "happy birthday" like an arm in a box.

62.  Martha Stewart isn't a demon.  She's a witch.  No one can do that much decoupage without
calling on the forces of darkness.

63.  Schools are just factories, spewing out mindless little automatons... Who go on to be very
valuable and productive members of society and you should go.

64.  Never kiss your best friend.  (Exemption for impending death situations.)

65.  Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned.  No, really.

66.  Those who fail history are doomed to repeat it in summer school.

67.  They don't make angry mobs like they used to.

68.  No matter how good it sounds, a robot is not a good substitute for a real relationship.

69.  Always read the fine print.

70.  If you keep getting knocked unconscious, one of these times you're going to wake up in a coma.

71.  Tact is just not saying true stuff.

72.  When in doubt, blame it on an angry puppy.

73.  A rocket launcher is the best present ever.

74.  When you do your homework, you learn stuff.

75.  Saying "as long as nothing bad happens" is the ultimate jinx.

76.  Halloween in the night when not you, is you.

77.  Never take band candy from a stranger…or even the principal.

78.  The principal isn't your pal.  That's the kind of woolly-headed liberal thinking that will get you eaten.

79.  Think outside the box.

80.  You don't always need a plan.  Sometimes you can just be proactive with pep.

81.  Demons and Hellmouths.  College boys and Frat parties.  Not that much of a difference.

82.  Society has rules and boundaries and an endzone.

83.  Acting isn't about pretending.  It's about hiding.

84.  Everyone has an evil twin.

85.  Chicks really dig that billowy-coat-king-of-pain thing.

86.  Vengeance is not justice.

87.  You always hurt the ones you love.

88.  Life's a show and we all play our part.

89.  Commencement speeches are evil.

90.  Dancing and songs don't always lead to hugs and puppies.

91.  Being in a band is a first class ticket to cool with complimentary mojo after take-off.

92.  John Tesh is the devil.  But that was pretty much a gimme.

93.  All monkeys are French.

94.  Witty repartee will throw off your enemies.

95.  Don't move the body.

96.  Candles and pretense are vital coping elements.

97.  There's no guarantee that someone in an Elderly Dutch chatroom is either elderly or Dutch.

98.  Pepper spray is just so passé.

99.  The "del" key on the computer keyboard does not stand for "deliver."

100.  Life's not a song.  Life isn't bliss.  Life is just this: it's living.

101.  Always laugh in the face of danger.  And then hide until it goes away.

102.  The funeral home is not a good place to bring a date.

103.  Everyone should get a chance to watch and mock and laugh.

104.  Sometimes it's a good thing to flunk the written.

105.  Logic has no place in a rant.

106.  Men like sports. Men watch the action movie. They eat of the beef and enjoy to look at the
bosoms.

107.  Good Slayers don't kill people.

108.  Graduation is a pointless ceremony where you sit around and listen to boring speeches till you get a little piece of paper that says you graduated, which you already know.

109.  Panic is a thing that people can share in times of crisis.  Though some ways of panicking are more productive than others.

110.  Everyone deserves one perfect high school moment.

111.  "Have a nice summer" is what you write in a yearbook when you have nothing else to say.

112.  A cranky Slayer is a careless Slayer.

113.  Field trips are not about the destination.  They're about the not being in school.

114.  The "he started it" defense only works in six-year-old court.

115.  The earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to.

116.  Whether looking at guns makes girls want to have sex is questionable; but looking at linoleum makes seventeen-year-old boys want to have sex.

117.  Increased oogy-ness is a danger signal

118.  To read makes our speaking English good.

119.  To forgive is an act of compassion.  It's not done because people deserve it.  It's done because they need it.

120.  Some lies are necessary.

121.  Loneliness is about the scariest thing there is.

122.  There are three kinds of people that no one understands:  geniuses, madmen, and guys that mumble.

123.  Great thing about being a Slayer: kicking ass is comfort food.

124.  Drunken rebound sex causes more pain than it cures.

125.  Bruises fade but cowardice has an unlimited shelf life.

126.  Life is terribly simple.  The good-guys are stalwart and true.  The bad-guys are easily
distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats and we always defeat them and save the day. 
Nobody ever dies and everyone lives happily ever after.  Not.

127.  You can't imagine the price for true evil.

128.  When you leave someone at the alter, it's really hard to go back to dating her.

129.  Lesbians are really less about the hating of men and more about the girl-on-girl action.

130.  Sometimes you can just skip all the relationship work and just be kissing.

131.  Synchronized swimming is a complete mystery to everyone.

132.  Sometimes the most adult thing you can do is ask for help when you need it.

133.  It is sometimes possible to save the world with just words, love, and a yellow crayon.

134.  The stake is not the power.

135.  It's really not fair to try and scare students on their first day of high school. 'Cause it is so
redundant.

136.  It's always about power -- who's got it, who knows how to use it.

137.  Sometimes intimate sweaty relations with the wrong person just seem like a good idea at the time.

138.  A little authority can be a wonderful thing.

139.  There are only three things kids understand: the boot, the bat, and the bastinada.

140.  A bastinada is a wooden rod used to slap the soles of the feet in Turkish prisons; but if made with the correct wood it makes an awesome billy-club.

141.  Power and control are a trade-off.

142.  Poems are always a sign of pretentious inner turmoil.  Especially in teenagers.

143.  Sometimes you can make a difference and help and sometimes you can't.  But you keep trying.

144.  When our friends go all crazy and start killing people, we help them.  Or stab them through the heart.

145.  Never go for the kill when you can go for the pain.

146.  Love is pain.  The slayer forges strength from pain.

147.  Love, give, forgive, risk the pain.

148.  The whole "permanent record" thing is a myth. Colleges never ask for anything past your SAT scores, and it's not like employers are gonna be calling up to check to see how many days you missed back in high school.

149.  There's only one thing on this earth more powerful than evil. And that's us.

150.  You think you know.  What's to come, what you are.  You haven't even begun.

Back to Fic & Misc.