Title: On A Sarcastic Holiday
Author: Phantom Chic
Rating: PG
Category: Review, Humor
Description: A sarcastically shippy commentary on "Holiday"
Spoilers: um, Holiday
Archive: SJA, Heliopolis, Gate Philes
Disclaimer: ShowTime . . . yadda, yadda, yadda . . . Double Secret
& Gekko . . . blah, blah, blah. Not mine.
FEEDBACK: Ooh, please! I can not emphasize how much feedback
does not suck. Just make sure the subject line says "review feedback"
or something similar so it will make it past my mail filters.
Notes: This is the 5th in my Dripping Sarcasm series of reviews.

1. If Teal'c has seen images of a young Machello, shouldn't they look like Danny?

2. "I am Daniel Jackson." "No, I am Daniel Jackson." Someone
should point out that they're both right, Machello is just Danny
with a bad head cold. No wonder they're so confused.

3. Too bad it's not the real Danny who's holding Janet's hand as she
releases him from the infirmary. She looked so happy in that scene,
I hope it doesn't confuse her too much.

4. After this they better make it a policy that if any member of SG-1
behaves oddly in a briefing, they do a personality check.
Machello was about as far from Danny's normal behavior in that
briefing as Jolinar was from Sam's.

5. So for future reference, when checking to make sure Jack is
really himself, don't expect him to remember any planet
designations, since he has no clue where Cassie's from.

6. Isn't it interesting that after Danny tells Jack he wouldn't let him
anywhere near his sister, Jack and Sam immediately look at each
other? Guess they were hoping for his fraternal blessing.

7. If Fred wasn't going to get a free meal out of it, he probably
would have reported Machello as an escapee from the loony bin.
And depending on how you look at the SGC, he probably is.

8. "Slam it into reverse"? Oh, isn't it nice to be taking suggestions
on operating alien technology from someone who has such a fine
command of scientific language.

9. REJECTED DIALOGUE:
Jack: "Captain, maybe you shouldn't touch anything in there."
Sam: "Well, Sir, I'm not Daniel so I shouldn't get in as much
trouble. But I'll promise not to touch anything as long as you do
the same. And since I know that's never gonna happen, I see no
reason why I shouldn't be able to grab anything that looks
interesting."

10. Hmm, does a Colonel in a Jaffa's body still fall under the
jurisdiction of fraternization regs?

11. I love Sam's trial and error approach to the switching machine.
Probably not doing a lot to up Jack's opinion of science.

12. Machello used one of the smoothest lines that I've
ever heard. Considering the body it was coming from, I probably
would have given him the kiss.

13. Gee, I wonder what Jack was concentrating on during his
Kel'no'reem. My money's on a certain sweet little tank top number.
That's the only thing that could hold his attention for that long. The
man could be the poster boy for Hyperactivity Disorder.

14. I always knew Sam's technobabble could be boring, but I
always thought Jack would be the one it sent into a coma, not
Daniel. After all, it was a linguistic problem.

15. Do you think the Federal Government had to pay the huge bill
Machello racked up on Danny's credit card? After all, it was made
by an alien as a result of a mission. Of course the way the US
government handles it's debts, Danny will be lucky to be reimbursed
by the time he's ready to retire.

16. Machello eating ice cream: a sudden homage to The
Pretender?

17. It's not fair, Sam's the only one who didn't get to play another
character in this episode. I think she and Janet might have had fun
switching. And the more switches, the more fun it is. Just look at Farscape

18. REJECTED DIALOGUE:
Jack: "Teal'c, you will not shave my head. I know I've gone grey,
but I'm just not ready to lose my hair yet. Besides we've already
got two bald guys walking around base, if I go bald too it might
start a trend and I really don't want to see Danny in a skullcap. Plus
I've always had this fantasy about Sam running her fingers through
my hair."

19. "How does one court a wife?" Well, you're in Danny's body
and he usually just shows up on a planet, women start throwing
themselves at him and he ends up engaged in only a day or two.

20. Technology to fight the Goa'uld in exchange for letting him
keep a host body? Gee, that sounds familiar. Machello couldn't
sound more like the Tok'ra if he tried. Even his inflections on "I am
not a Goa'uld. I hate the Goa'uld." are the same. Maybe he used to
hang out with them. Bet he and Marty got along great.

21. "The Goa'uld use hosts because they think they are better than
humans. Because they believe they deserve it. You are nothing but
a Goa'uld." What I wouldn't pay to hear Danny, or even Jack, say
that to the Tok'ra.

22. Hmm, Jack in Danny's body? Yummy. That much sarcasm in
that cute a package. I would have been tempted to leave them
there and not do that last switch. Teal'c gets his own body and Jack
and Sam get around the regs by using Danny's body.

23. Didn't Hammond sound thrilled welcoming back SG-1? Maybe
they've done this nearly-kill-Danny thing one too many times.