TITLE: Teaching Sarcasm
AUTHOR: Phantom Chic
RATING: PG
CATEGORY: Review, Humor
DESCRIPTION: A sarcastically shippy commentary on "Learning
Curve"
SPOILERS: um, Learning Curve
ARCHIVE: SJA, Heliopolis, Gate Philes
DISCLAIMER: Showtime . . . yadda, yadda, yadda . . . Double
Secret & Gekko . . . blah, blah, blah. Not mine.
FEEDBACK: Ooh, please! I can not emphasize how much feedback
does not suck. Just make sure the subject line says "review feedback"
or something similar so it will make it past my mail filters.
NOTES: This is the 13th in my Dripping Sarcasm series of
reviews.

1. Jack's thoughts when Danny handed him the Aztec bracelet:
"Pretty. Think I saw one of these in a costume shop last week.
Wonder how it would look on Sam."

2. REJECTED DIALOGUE:
Teal'c: "I will share my knowledge of the Goa'uld freely."
Jack: "Teal'c's eager on the inside. For him, this is downright
giddy."

3. The naquada reactor bears a striking resemblance to a model of
a Borg cube. Considering the nanites in this episode, I doubt that's
a coincidence. I just hope Merrin doesn't grow up to be Seven of
Nine.

4. REJECTED DIALOGUE:
Jack: "How old are you?"
Merrin: "11. How old are you?"
Sam: "Yeah, I've been trying to figure that out."
Jack: "Well, how old are you?"
Sam: "That's classified. If anyone found out, they'd have concrete
information on which to base arguments about us getting together.
Or they might figure out that Danny's my twin brother."
Jack: "Can't have that."

5. So graduation is when they suck all the knowledge you've spent
twelve years acquiring out of your head? Sounds about right to me.
Wonder what they do to celebrate your University graduation.

6. "I think I understand now why the Goa'uld are so feared." Do
you think Tomin is judging by the gold tattoo or the overdose of
eye make-up?

7. Isn't it interesting that when Jack tells Merrin that there are lots
of intelligent people around his eyes flick to Sam as he adds "just
not as young as you." Hmm, Merrin is young, blond, extremely
intelligent, and not big on recreation; that sounds familiar. I'm
betting his thought path went something along the lines of "She's a
lot like Sam...she could be Sam's daughter...maybe she could be
*our* daughter..." It would certainly explain his later actions.

8. Sam just enjoyed Jack's reaction to Merrin saying he wasn't as
smart as her a little too much. She was probably half expecting him
to say she was "way smarter than I am", I know I was. Always nice
to keep those running gags going.

9. Gee, the Goa'uld visited Mexico and destroyed the pre-Aztec
civilization. Wonder how long it will take Danny to connect the
dots to Hathor's sarcophagus being found there. It's always nice
when they forget previous episodes so Danny can do that "amazing
discovery" thing--he's so cute when he does it.

10. REJECTED DIALOGUE:
Sam: "Colonel O'Neill was...adversely affected."
Jack: "Aah, Sam, I apologized for the whole Kynthia thing. I
thought we were gonna forget about it."
Sam: "I was talking about your nearly dying of old age, not your
sleeping with that tramp."
Jack: "Oh, yeah, the dying thing was pretty bad too."

11. What is the deal with the Urrone turbans? They look like Dr. Suess
characters.

12. I'm sure a technical sketch on the level of a stick figure would
be a lot of help. As for Sam's stick figure: she's thin, but she's not
that skinny. And at this point she still had better hair. At least
we've finally found something Jack can be better at.

13. Why is Merrin asking for paper in centimeters? If she learned
measurement units on a U.S. military base, shouldn't she be asking
in inches? These people have been in Vancouver too long. Maybe
if they're out of the States long enough they'll forget those pesky
fraternization regs too.

14. It's good to see that human moral superiority is a constant in all
science fiction. I was beginning to worry it was just a Star Trek
thing.

15. A culture where frontal lobotomies are regularly given to
children? Couldn't they just watch Pokemon like other kids?

16. REJECTED DIALOGUE:
Sam: "Merrin, you're only 11. Half the interesting things in my life
didn't happen until I was 15."
Merrin: "What kind of interesting things?"
Sam: "Things you're not old enough to hear about. And I didn't
even meet my true love until two years ago."
Merrin: "Two years ago? Would that not mean you met him here?"
Sam: "Um…"
Merrin: "Is it Colonel O'Neill?"
Sam: "So, about you going back to Orban..."

17. This is possibly the first time in Earth's history that someone
abducted an alien. At least Merrin's abduction was more pleasant
than the ones on The X-Files.

18. Maybe it was just my school, but if someone had shown up on
the playground dressed like Merrin I think she might have been
teased just a little. A lot more if she hadn't ditched the hat.

19. REJECTED DIALOGUE:
Jack: "Do you have room for another student this afternoon? She's
visiting from out of town."
Teacher: "Let me guess: Toronto? You really need to come up
with better cover stories for these kids."
Jack: "But the Toronto one is so easy to remember."

20. Gee, how many of the girls in that class do you think drew Jack
as the "something they love"? I'd kill to see Jack participate in that
little exercise. I bet he could do a better job of drawing Sam than
her stick figure.

21. REJECTED DIALOGUE:
Jack: "Merrin, all you have to do is ask. You can stay here and
you and Carter and I could be a family."
Merrin: "I knew it! She tried to avoid my questions about your
relationship. I knew you two were in love."
Jack: "So, about you going back to Orban..."

22. Wow, Jack splurged and got Merrin the big 96 box of crayons.
I'm sure she'll have fun figuring out the weird colors like Macaroni
& Cheese.

23. Merrin spent one recess on a playground and brought back
knowledge of hopscotch, catch, tag, jump rope, and drawing? Jack
must be kicking himself for not teaching her to play hockey.

24. If she's only going to draw on walls, maybe Jack should get
Merrin a bucket of sidewalk chalk. Crayons wear down quickly
when used on stone. Don't ask how I know that.