TITLE: Inheriting Sarcasm
AUTHOR: Phantom Chic
RATING: PG
CATEGORY: Review, Humor
DESCRIPTION: A sarcastically shippy commentary on "Legacy"
SPOILERS: um, Legacy
ARCHIVE: SJA, Heliopolis, Gate-Philes
DISCLAIMER: Showtime . . . yadda, yadda, yadda . . . Double
Secret & Gekko . . . blah, blah, blah. Not mine.
FEEDBACK: Ooh, please! I can not emphasize how much feedback
does not suck. Just make sure the subject line says "review feedback"
or something similar so it will make it past my mail filters.
NOTES: This is the 12th in my Dripping Sarcasm series of reviews.

1. Gotta love those Big Ass Flashlights. For a minute there I
thought I was watching The X-Files. At least Jack isn't in the habit
of dropping his gun.

2. REJECTED DIALOGUE:
Teal'c: "A rival league of lesser Goa'uld who challenged the
System Lords."
Jack: "A minor league."
Teal'c: "Yes, it is a little known fact that the Goa'uld were the
inventors of baseball. I, myself, was pitcher for Apophis's team.
We went to the Galactic Series in my final year, however we were
defeated by the Yankees."

3. Ooh, ghosts. How appropriate that this is airing right before
Halloween. Maybe next they'll run into vampires. I bet Sam would
make a great Slayer.

4. Actually, Danny wasn't hallucinating yet in the locker room
scene. What he heard was actually Janet, who regularly sneaks in
when he's alone to catch him in the shower.

5. REJECTED DIALOGUE:
Janet: "The humans were normal. No wounds, no infections."
Daniel: "Then why are they dead?"
Jack: "Ooh, I know this one! I just read it in the new Harry Potter
book. Voldemort's Avada Kadavra Curse, right? What? I read."

6. Isn't it nice that even in the infirmary Jack can find something to
keep his hands occupied with? I really hope that I.V. bag wasn't
supposed to be used for Danny. It's time to get that man a Slinky
or some Silly Putty to carry around.

7. REJECTED DIALOGUE:
Daniel: "There has to be a logical explanation."
Jack: "I realize we're in Vancouver, but you've got the wrong show."
Daniel: "So you don't think I should dye my hair red?"

8. "Sam can figure that part out." It's nice to know how the
division of labor works for SG-1. Somebody comes up with a
completely bizarre theory and then Sam has to figure out a way to
explain it. No wonder she doesn't get to have a life outside the
SGC.

9. REJECTED DIALOGUE:
MacKenzie: "Doctor Fraiser's been treating you for headaches
lately, hasn't she?"
Jack: "Yes, but that's a side effect of all the underlying sexual
tension between Sam and I, not the Gate travel. It manifests in me
as migraines, Sam suffers in the form of obsessive compulsive
overwork. Right, Sam?"
Sam: "I wouldn't say obsessive, but otherwise that sounds about
right."

10. So traveling through the Stargate causes migraines? That's a
better explanation than I've gotten from any of the doctors I've seen
about them.

11. There's no history of schizophrenia in Danny's family?
Obviously nobody's given Janet the scripts for the end of this season
yet. I believe we've just suffered a hit and run by the Continuity
Bus.

12. I hope Jack kept his "calming effect on stressed out people" in
mind when Danny was attacking him to get rid of the return of the
CGI snake.

13. No, Daniel, they took away your glasses to teach you not to
take them for granted. Besides, it's not like you wore them
consistently anyway.

14. REJECTED DIALOGUE:
Teal'c: "There is no one at my side, Daniel Jackson."
Daniel: "I see dead people."
Oh, come on, you had to know that was coming.

15. Even when Daniel is sane and acting normal, they still think
he's crazy. Of course, I get that all the time. Probably right in both
cases.

16. The only way Sam and Jack could be sitting any closer
together on that infirmary bed would be if she were actually in his
lap. Which also explains why Jack is sitting on his hands, it's the
only way he can keep them off her.

17. Danny was infected while in HazMat gear, but Sam and Janet
think their gloves will protect them? And these are our scientists?
No wonder they have so much trouble.

18. Did anyone else half expect to see black oil swimming over the
eyes of the people infected?

19. Possession by alien organisms ranks right up there with
infection by alien viruses, right? Too bad Janet was locked up in
there with Sam and Jack. We might have finally been treated to a
reverse version of the locker room scene from "Broca Divide".

20. Janet's infected and Daniel's willing to risk reinfection to go in
and help? Hmm, I'm sure there's no significance to that.

21. Hathor's Goa'uld left Jack's body before it died? How does
Sam know? Jack was in a cryo-pod and she was being tortured.
Maybe they thought it would be too much of a plot device to give
Jack all those ex-host powers. Of course that didn't stop them with
Sam.

22. Does it worry anyone else that an astrophysicist is so good at
drawing her own blood? That doesn't seem like something you
practice doing just for kicks and giggles.

23. We're not even going to ask if Danny was actually paying
attention to what Sam was doing or if he was too busy watching
Janet strip.

24. REJECTED DIALOGUE:
Dr. Warner: "See if there's any dry ice."
Sam: "Yeah, there's a ton of it left over from our Halloween party.
Remember I went as Dorothy and Jack was the Scarecrow, Teal'c
was the Tinman, Janet was Glinda, and Danny insisted on being the
Great and Powerful Oz."

25. Jack's thoughts right after the little white things came out of his
ear: "Ooh, bait! Bet I can catch some great fish with these things.
Maybe I can get Sam to go with me."

26. Only on Stargate can villains and pseudo-villains wreak more
havoc after they're dead than they did when they were alive.

27. And the Deux Se Machina that is Jolinar saves the day again.
Am I the only one getting tired of this?