TITLE:  Cliche War
AUTHOR:  Phantom Chic
RATING:  PG-13
CATEGORY:  S/J, Humor
DESCRIPTION:  Fun with ice cream and cliches.
SPOILERS:  None
ARCHIVE:  Sam & Jack, Heliopolis, Gate-Philes
FEEDBACK:  Will be rewarded with a non-fat tofutti rice
dreamsicle. Just make sure the subject line says "fic feedback"
or something similar so it will make it past my mail filters.
DISCLAIMER:  Not only do I not own Sam, Jack, or
anything having to do with the Stargate, I don't even
own half of this dialogue.  The former belongs to
Showtime, Gekko Film Corp., and Double Secret
Productions; the latter belongs to David Duchovny.
NOTES:  This idea was prompted by a Sam & Jack list
comment, and a mental overload of X-Files.  I hearby
apologize for my warped sense of humor and synaptic
misfirings.  Thanks to Meg for the quick beta.  Please note
that this is intended as a loving homage to "Unnatural."

*****

Gate Room
08:00 hrs.

"SG-1, your mission to P2L-925 is being delayed due to
hostile weather conditions in the vicinity of the
Gate.  You are on stand-by for the next 24 hours."
General Hammond said over the speaker, as he looked
down at SG-1 who stood in the Gate room, decked out in
full mission gear.

"Great," Daniel said, as they left the Gate room and
began removing their gear.  "Now we can do some more work
on those artifacts we brought back from P5X-511."

"Sounds like fun," Jack quipped, opening the door to
the storage lockers for their gear.

"Well, Sir, we do need find out what wiped out that
civilization 50 years ago." Sam replied, as she hung up
her pack and removed her jacket.

"You three can go play with the rocks and gizmos, I'm
going to catch up on some paperwork." Jack didn't sound
particularly enthused about either prospect.  He turned and walked
away, ignoring Sam and Daniel's rolled eyes and Teal'c's
raised eyebrow.

*****

Sam's Lab
12:00 hrs.

"Hey, campers, how's it going?" Jack asked as he walked
into the lab and saw the three members of his team
gathered around a machine on one of the tables.

"Hello, Sir.  Daniel's trying to decipher the writing
on this machine, before I start work to determine its
purpose.  We're hoping they're directions of some
sort." Sam turned to face Jack.  She noticed that for
once he hadn't picked up anything to play with when he
entered, instead he was turning a small white bag
around in hands.  "What's that, Sir?"

"Oh," Jack glanced down at his hands before tossing the
bag to her.  "I ran into Doc Frasier on the way here. 
She said to give it to you in case you hadn't eaten."

With a confused look Sam opened the bag and pulled out
what looked like a wrapped ice cream bar.  She grinned
as she tossed the bag in the trash and began unwrapping
the bar.  "Yum, thank you, Janet."

"An ice cream bar?  Very nutritious, Carter." Jack
said, smiling as she began to eat it.

"It isn't ice cream.  It's a non-fat tofutti rice
dreamsicle." Sam replied.

"Yuck," Jack said in mock horror, unable to keep the
smile off his face. "I bet the air in my mouth tastes
better than that.  We should go get some *real* ice
cream."

Sam was barely able to refrain from sticking her tongue
out at him, but she reminded herself that he was
her CO and the military frowned on such behavior. 
"Colonel, we need to figure out what this is so we can
determine that world's technological level."

"Sam, these poor soul's have been dead for fifty years. 
Let them rest in peace, let sleeping dogs lie." Jack
couldn't resist egging her a little.

"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today."
Sam replied.

"I won't sit idly by as you hurl cliches at me. 
Preparation is the father of inspiration." Jack smiled. 
Daniel and Teal'c each looked at the two officers, then
exchanged a quick glance and quietly slipped out to get
some lunch, closing the lab door behind them.

"Necessity is the mother of invention," Sam answered
around her ice cream, getting into the game.  Neither
had noticed their teammates leaving.

"The road of excellence leads to the palace of wisdom."

"Eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we may die."

"I scream, you scream, we all scream for non-fat
tofutti rice dreamsicles." Jack lunged for Sam's ice
cream, forcing her up against relatively piece of
counter.  They stood inches apart and he looked from
the ice cream to her face.  Their eyes caught and held. 
Slowly, Jack leaned in and kissed her.  To both of
their mild surprise, she kissed him back.  He smiled as
he pulled away.  "You're right, that stuff does taste
pretty good.  But not as good as real ice cream."

"Maybe we should have ice cream more often." Sam gave
him a mischievous smile.

*****

The End